class. Not a star athlete but definitely not the most uncoordinated kid in gym class. He just didn’t fit in.
The whispers had begun about Michael well before his teen years. As a young boy it was noted that his diction was too refined; he didn’t sound like somebody who was brought up in Nebraska. His vocabulary was much too vast. “Nobody from around here uses words like that,” people would say. “Do you think he dyes his hair? No boy’s hair is that blond all by itself.” And then there was his attitude.
Michael knew that part of the reason he didn’t have any friends and was ostracized by his peers was because everyone thought he considered himself better than everyone else. It didn’t matter that he never once voiced this opinion, it didn’t matter that this wasn’t how he felt; all that mattered was that one group of kids interpreted Michael’s timidity and intelligence as arrogance and they then shared their assumptions with another group of kids and soon Michael had earned a reputation of being an egotistical jerk. An unjust reputation, but one he didn’t have the strength to fight.
“Heard your mother’s back in her own padded cell.”
He didn’t need to turn around; he knew without looking who made that remark. Mauro Dorigo had been taunting Michael since third grade, from the first day Mauro moved here from New York. Michael tried ignoring him, he tried tattling on him, he tried running from him, but Mauro ran faster, and when he caught up with him, he surprised him with a roundhouse punch that gave Michael his first black eye.
Mauro was a tough kid who grew up on the streets of the Lower East Side. The only way he knew how to take care of himself was with his fists, and the best way he knew to make sure no one messed with him was to mess with somebody else first. So on his first day at his new school in Nebraska, he searched the school yard for the weakest-looking kid and stopped when he cast his eyes on Michael. He had nothing against Michael at the time; it was just that he had that scared look about him, almost like he was waiting for someone to pounce. Mauro was more than willing.
Seven years later, not much had changed. Mauro was still more overweight than muscular, but he had the advantage because fear still clung to Michael. Fear that at any moment someone was going to attack, physically or verbally. That someone was usually Mauro.
“I hear they’re going to name the loony bin after her, she’s spent so much time in there.”
Now a group had gathered and some kids laughed, others whispered. He knew they knew what had happened to his mother; everyone always found out, so there was no sense in denying it.
“Yes, it’s going to be called the Grace Ann Howard Wing,” Michael said. “The ribbon-cutting ceremony is scheduled for next week; you should put it on your calendar.”
When he turned to walk away he caught a glimpse of some of the kids’ startled faces; they looked impressed. Yes, they definitely were impressed with Michael’s comeback. He knew he shouldn’t joke about his mother’s condition, but what else was he going to do? Mauro was right. By the end of the year, his mother would be making another trip to the mental ward; might as well own up to it. But Mauro always had to have the last word.
“So, Howard! I guess that makes you a gaytard!” The kids who seconds ago were impressed with Michael’s wit switched allegiance and were once again back on Mauro’s side. “If your mother’s crazy, you must be a retarded homo!”
Fire erupted in Michael’s cheeks and he felt his mouth go completely dry. Laughter boxed his ears and he briefly thought he was going to faint right there in the corridor. But somehow he kept walking, walking, walking; he just needed to get to the end of the hallway so he could turn the corner and escape. Once he could get away from the laughter, away from the words, he would be fine.
He rounded the corner and took a deep breath. He pushed his way through the crowd of students and ducked into the first room that looked empty, chemistry lab, and leaned against the teacher’s desk. They’re just words, he told himself, they don’t matter. But he knew that wasn’t completely true. The words themselves were only part of the problem; the worst part was what the words conveyed. They told everyone that Michael was someone who should be ridiculed, someone who should be singled out because he was … sick and repulsive. He had heard those words all his life, but each time was like the first, a jagged knife cutting through innocence. He simply didn’t know how much longer he could take it.
“Are you all right, Mr. Howard?”
Once again he didn’t have to turn around to know who was speaking. It was Mrs. Clyde, the head of the science department. “Yes, I …” Michael started, but when he tried to finish his sentence he didn’t know what to say. Should he tell her the truth? I just needed a place to hide for a few minutes. Or I was running away because the school bully was calling me names again. “Yes, I’m fine.” Those were the words that finally came out of his mouth and although he knew someone as perceptive and savvy as Mrs. Clyde would not believe them, they would have to do. The first day of school was definitely getting off to a bad start. And it was only going to get worse.
“I don’t think they teach soccer in gaytard school.”
Michael ignored the comment, but here on the soccer field, there was no hallway for him to turn into, no empty room for him to hide in. He was exposed. He had two choices—he could act as if he didn’t hear Mauro’s comment or he could confront him. Without hesitation he chose the former. Which only meant that Mauro would continue to goad him.
Gym class was only forty minutes, Michael reminded himself. Mauro would shortly grow tired of teasing him and move on to somebody else. He just had to deal with it for a little while longer. In the meantime maybe he could impress some of his classmates with his newfound agility as he did earlier with his impromptu wit. The esteem hadn’t lasted very long, but perhaps he was a better athlete than a comedian.
This past summer, Michael grew three inches and as a result lost ten pounds. He was five feet ten and a lean 170 pounds. He didn’t have a six-pack and he wasn’t incredibly muscular, but he had spent many summer mornings running before the sun grew too strong, so he had built up his stamina and, most exciting, he was learning how to use his body. He knew he could make an impression if he was just given the chance.
He had to wait a while, but sure enough, with only ten minutes left to go in class, Michael got his opportunity. With the score tied, Jay Rogers, one of the best athletes in the school, had driven the ball forty yards down the field on his own. He was ten yards from the goal, but there were too many players from the other team blocking him, so he couldn’t make a clean shot. His goto guy, Bobby Z, couldn’t shake the kid who was tailing him, and the only other teammate in the free and clear was Michael.
Kicking the ball from one foot to the other, Jay hesitated. He didn’t want to pass it on to Michael; he wasn’t reliable. And he wanted to score one more goal so he could win the first game of the new school year. But the field didn’t change; the only one who remained open was Michael and so he had no choice.
When Michael saw Jay bring his right foot back and whack the ball in his direction, he couldn’t believe it, but it was unmistakable. The best player in school had just passed the ball to him. That’s when he decided to do something just as unbelievable; he decided to attack. Running toward the spinning ball, he deflected it off his right foot to slow it down and then kicked it farther toward the goal with his left. He ran after it and caught up with the ball just in time to spin around so his back was in front of some Spanish kid he didn’t recognize. He paused for a moment, kicking the ball from one foot to the other to try and confuse the kid so he could move past him. Jay and the rest of the team were in shock. Michael Howard was actually playing soccer really well.
Michael could feel his heart beating so fast and loudly he thought it was going to crash through his chest. He concentrated entirely on the soccer ball, deliberately ignoring the screams from his classmates. Honestly, he didn’t know if they were cheering for him or insulting him and he didn’t care. He was doing this for himself. He had to prove that he could fit in, at least for a few minutes during one gym class; that’s all he was asking.
Shifting his weight to the left and then quickly to the right, he faked out the Spanish kid and suddenly found himself a few feet in front of the goalie. Mauro didn’t even bother to protect his net. He was laughing hysterically and saying something that Michael refused to hear. He reared his right leg and brought it back, determined to give the ball the hardest wallop he could muster. But he failed. His foot missed the ball completely and he came crashing down on the grass, his left hip first and then the rest of his body.
People were shouting, some were laughing, and Michael had the impulse to roll over and bury his face in the grass. But even if he did, he would still be able to hear them. “Keep that move for the Special Olympics, gaytard!” Mauro accented his comment by slamming the ball on the grass inches from Michael’s head. Then the bully proved his own agility by doubling over with laughter and high-fiving somebody at the same time.
Before Mauro could continue his victory dance, Mr. Alfano, the gym teacher, pushed his way through the
