two. This is an indulgent bathroom and I hope we can buy this house because I don't think I would ever be satisfied with another bathroom again now that I’ve seen this.
Danny leads me out of the sparkly paradise and stands me in the centre of the huge bedroom.
'This is the master bedroom.' He grins. 'And this,' he says opening the other door, 'is the closet!' I step dumbfounded into the next room which has been professionally fitted out as a walk-in wardrobe. I absentmindedly open a cupboard door and the interior automatically lights up. I'm utterly speechless.
'What do you think?' he asks.
'I think I'm dreaming,' I reply, trying to ignore the rising feeling of what seems like panic. This place is overwhelming. But I wouldn’t be able to keep it looking like this.
Before I know it I’ve seen three more spacious bedrooms, two with small en suite bathrooms and a similarly equipped bathroom on the lower level. The quality of everything is insane. All the bedrooms have handmade, fitted wardrobes; every door is solid oak, as are the frames, skirting boards and banisters.
Downstairs the entrance hall is tiled like the high-gloss bathroom, but the floor becomes oak (which I’ve no doubt has underfloor heating) as we enter the immense open-plan living area. A huge open lounge area runs the length of the house and at the back a high-ceilinged, single storey extension houses the swanky kitchen. High-gloss everything, as you would expect and everything in trendy shades of nothing in particular. The kind of colours that you know are vastly superior to magnolia in every way, but equally un-intrusive. I feel very unsophisticated standing here in my work clothes, this is a house you need to dress up for. Now I start to panic. It's too good for me.
A study, a downstairs loo and a utility room later, I’m starting to hyperventilate. Danny whisks me around the garden and we thank the man. Danny promises to call him tomorrow. Then we're back in the car. I breathe a sigh of relief to be back in the familiar territory of Danny’s car, but then I look around. This car would look the part on that driveway. More and more I’m feeling like I don’t belong in Danny’s vision of our life.
I don’t care that it’s still approaching noon, I mix two rum and Cokes and plonk myself on a seat in the garden. I lean my head against the back of the chair and close my eyes, sighing with relief to be back in the safety of my world. I don’t know why I feel so freaked out, the house was lovely, amazing really. I was just a bit blindsided and then I started to feel unworthy. I know that’s ridiculous and when I’ve calmed down I’ll wish I could have focused on the house a bit more. For now I just breathe. I don’t know what Danny is doing in the bar, but a couple of minutes to clear my head is just what I need, maybe he realises that.
The chair beside me scrapes on the ground and Danny sits silently beside me. I keep my eyes closed for a minute just enjoying shutting everything out. I know he will think I’m about to say something awful, it’s what we do, we think the worst. I know we're both trying really hard not to, but I don’t blame him after how I’ve reacted, I expect he thought it would go differently. My breathing has levelled out, so steeling myself, I lift my head and open my eyes.
Danny has his elbows on the table and his hands clasped round the back of his head. His forehead is almost resting on the table surface. I clear my throat and his head snaps up, concern in his eyes.
“I'm sorry, I freaked you out,” he says straight away in barely more than a whisper.
I close my eyes and laugh. “You didn’t freak me out,” I assure him. “I kind of freaked myself out.”
“How?” he asks nervously.
“Oh I don’t know.” I sigh, taking a long drink of my rum. “I’m such an idiot. I was just shocked by the whole thing really. It was the last thing I was expecting. Even when we were stood in the bathroom, I still didn’t expect you to say you wanted to buy the house.” I shake my head. It was obvious really, now that I think about it, I should have twigged on the driveway.
“It’s too much, I’m sorry. I should have talked to you about it first. You like your independence, I shouldn’t assume that we're just automatically going to buy a house together.”
“No, that’s not it at all. I love the idea, honestly, it just took me by surprise. Then we were in that walk-in wardrobe and I felt like a fraud. I mean imagine opening those self-lit doors and finding twenty-five of these,” I say tugging at my staff shirt. “I mean come on, that place is way out of my league.”
“I told you, we can afford it.”
“It’s not about the money, Danny, I just don’t feel worthy.”
“Worthy? Are you kidding me?”
“No! I can just picture my crap scattered all over that beautiful bedroom. A cracked floor tile in the bathroom where I dropped my deodorant and my makeup smeared around the sink. I can just see the burn on the kitchen counter where I accidentally out a pan down straight on the work surface without thinking…and the dust, Danny! I’m no housewife. I’m not worthy of it because I would drag it down just by being there! I would feel like a great, lumbering oaf!” I laugh, looking at my outstretched arm. “Do you think the person who designed that bathroom imagined the bathing beauty who would use it would be covered in these?” I ask, holding out my tattooed skin.
Danny smirks and shakes his head. “Are you finished?”
I shrug.
“A house is for living in, for us…just the way we are. You are more than worthy of it, you don’t see how it would suit you. You would bring the colour it needs so badly.” He says kissing a star on my wrist. “I was excited because I saw it on my own yesterday and I could really see us there. Liv, you have no idea, the sound system is all wired in and there is a projector. Imagine watching a movie on the sofa with me. It will be amazing. I’ll get you a cleaner if that’s all you’re worried about. I had one in LA, I’m no housewife either, trust me. Max has one, we’ll use her.”
“Max has a cleaner?” I blurt.
Danny laughs. “Okay, um, I was supposed to keep that to myself!” He looks sheepish.
I sip my drink and think about the house again. It was beautiful, perfect really. As bad as I would feel for the house, it would be amazing to live there. A cleaner would help but…this brings me back to my first question. “How could we afford it?” I ask. “Do we need such a big place? Shouldn’t we stay here and save some money first? I hardly have any savings, I put it all into here.” Panic begins to rise again.
“Let’s start again shall we?” Danny says, taking my hand and sitting straighter. “I shouldn’t have started this with the punch line, I’m way too impulsive, sorry.” He smiles his shy smile, so I try, really try, to relax my nerves and hear him out.
“I was thinking, maybe we could buy a house together, what do you think?” he says, carefully.
I nod slowly. “Okay, it might be worth some consideration.” I smile, playing the game… “What did you have in mind?”
“Well I’ve seen a place on Max’s street. It has been completely renovated. It’s crazy cool and I really love it,” he replies, his boyish grin returns as he pictures the house.
“Sounds expensive, how would we afford it? I’ve been putting all my money into this place and although we could probably get a mortgage, do we really want such high living expenses when we have virtually none right now?”
He positively beams. “Okay, well…I know how independent you are, but please hear me out.” I tense, because I can guess what’s coming. “I’ve been saving for a really long time. I’m an only child and my parents aren’t short of a buck so I had no debts from school. I had a cheap apartment and simple lifestyle. My job pays well and while I’ve slowed down a little and just pick up a few big jobs a year now, I worked my ass off in the beginning. It has been kind of easy to put money away.” He shifts in his seat. “And I sold the Shelby,” he murmurs. I almost miss it. Then he adds, “and you wouldn’t believe for how much.”
I blink. “You sold the…Danny, you loved that car!”
“I love you more.”
“But…”
“But nothing. I wasn’t going to ship her and I’m not going back. Anyway, it turns out she was a great investment. I had my fun and now I have a nice pay out. Win, win. I have enough saved that we would only need a small mortgage to afford it, it would be manageable.” He squeezes my hand. “That was until I talked to my dad last night.”
I look at his eyes, they are wide with excitement.
“I didn’t realise, but Dad sold his parents’ place here after Pops passed away about four years ago…and he kept the money aside…for me!” He’s giddy now. “We can easily afford it!”
