together, so he can't have known why I left so suddenly. He must have been worried, frantic even. The fact that he didn’t follow me is both a relief and a crushing disappointment. I don’t want to see him or listen to anything he has to say, but he hasn’t even tried to fight for us…again. This just proves it was all me again, like it was before.
Work has been thankfully busy and the new furniture for the garden arrives tomorrow, so I’m getting everything ready. I decided to close the outside area this week and we have cleared all the furniture out. I’m spending the day jet washing, which is very therapeutic and everyone is leaving me alone to get on with it. It’s just what I need. But there is so much to do and now there is one less pair of hands to help me do it. He was going to put up the canopy of fairy lights for me. But it looks like Max and I will be up the ladders.
Soaking wet from jet washing, I pop upstairs to change. The light on my phone is blinking. I bloody knew it, I should have left it unplugged. It could be Mum and if it is and I don’t reply, I’ll get another bollocking. Shaking my head, I go and turn the shower on. I need to get out of these wet clothes. But I can’t leave it and I have to go and listen to the message. I can’t help myself, this is why I left it unplugged, what if I’d been here, answered it and it was him? I can’t trust myself to be strong, but I press the button anyway.
Time stands still as I wait for the beep, then I hear Mum’s chirpy voice. Relief and devastation briefly do battle for control over me. I can’t handle the emotional ups and downs at the moment. Mum is bleating on in the background, hoping I’m eating and looking after myself, but I barely hear her. All I can think is, why hasn’t he called? But if he did, I’d be angry. It's impossible. Mum finishes waffling and I switch off the machine. I don't have a choice about having the phone on, but if I heard his voice it would kill me, I can't take the risk. Reluctantly, I trudge to the shower.
Max has a coffee waiting for me when I get downstairs. He’s sitting in the booth at the back sipping his and I slide in opposite him. We haven't really done this since I got back. I suppose I’ve been swerving any probing discussions. I take charge of the conversation straight away to stop him from talking about...him.
'So, shall we start the lights before it gets dark?' I suggest. 'I'd like to get at least half of it done tonight.'
'Only if you sit with me first,' he says seriously.
Here we go... 'Max, I really don't want to...'
'Liv, stop.' He interrupts. 'I’ve given you some space and I haven't pushed you, but this is getting ridiculous, it's been a week.' He looks at me with concern in his eyes. 'I thought one of you would have made the first move by now.'
A wave of nausea washes over me. Why hasn't he tried to call? I swallow hard. It’s not as if I want to talk to him anyway, I remind myself. 'There’s no first move. It's over.' I tell him firmly.
'Liv, what you have with Danny can't be over without a discussion, or a huge fight, or something. It's not something that you would both just let go of like that.'
'Max, he cheated. I've let go, that's it.'
'Okay, that's why you let go, what about him?'
I stare at him. This is the question I’ve been trying not to ask myself all week. Tears sting my eyes and I want to run away. Max stares me out, he isn't going to give in. 'I don't know.' I sniff.
“What exactly did you see?' he finally asks.
I sigh. 'I told you what happened; I really don't want to talk about this again, Max.'
'You told me he cheated with that girl, but what exactly did you see?'
'I saw her taking her clothes off in his bedroom.'
'Where were you?'
'I was outside. I saw her through the window before I got to the door, I saw her and I left.' I play down the drama of my departure.
'And where was Danny?'
I sigh, why is he making me go over this? 'I don't know...there somewhere, obviously.'
'But you didn't see him?'
'No, there was only a small gap in the curtains and I didn't hang around.'
'So you don't know if he actually touched her?'
Where is he going with this?
'Oh of course he touched her, he's a man!' I immediately regret my outburst, as I once again count Max out of his gender group, not because of his sexuality, but because he would never, ever hurt me. The rest, however, are bastards. Danny included.
'But...'
'What?'
'I don't know. I was just thinking, if you didn't see him, how do you know he did what you think he did?'
'Well she was taking her clothes off in his house, which I very much doubt she was doing without his permission.' God, this is exhausting. 'Now I really just want to forget about this whole thing, so can we please go and do some way-out-of-our-league DIY?'
'Sure.' He smiles.
It’s big job, but I haven’t budgeted to get someone else to do it. The outdoor lights, plus having the outdoor sockets installed, cost more than I wanted to spend. The electrician that did the sockets has also suspended two beautiful, budget-busting outdoor chandeliers, so we have no choice, DIY it is. In truth, the budget was long since blown on the retractable guttered rain shelters that have been installed above the lighting, making it an all- weather outdoor paradise.
We have marked out the line of bricks on both sides of the alley, so that the light canopy hovers just above the huge chandeliers. Now we just have to staple the lights to the bricks either side all the way down until we have the desired look. We have everything we need including a brilliant power stapler Max hired for the job.
Max starts up on his ladder, pinning the string to the wall at the first bulb. Then as he descends, he tacks the spare wire down the wall until he reaches the socket. Then it’s my turn. Max passes me the lights then the stapler and I head to the top of the ladder. It’s not so difficult although it’s over 10ft up and the stapler has a slight recoil. But we can do it.
A few feet down the alley, we reach the end of the string of lights and Max hands me the next set. We are in the swing of it now. I love jobs like this, very satisfying and a bit exciting using big tools. I pop the stapler into the wall and my ladder wobbles. “Whoa!” I exclaim and laugh as I climb down to shuffle along to the next point.
“Jesus Liv, be careful!” says Max as he takes the stapler from me and climbs up the other ladder.
“I’m fine,” I say. “You’re the clumsy one.” He gives me a withering look.
As he comes down from his turn, his phone rings and he moves down to the end of the garden to take it. I carry on with the next fixing on my side then, seeing that he is deeply engrossed in conversation, I do his next one as well. As I take the first step down the ladder, the hem of my jeans catches on the top step and I fall, seemingly in slow motion.
I land right foot first and as my leg buckles beneath me I come down with a bang on my side. The industrial stapler, still in my hand, slams to the ground on top of my fingers and, with the momentum of the fall, I’m unable to stop the side of my head from hitting the ground with a thud. I hear Max yelling my name, as he comes running.
“Fuck, Liv!” he shouts, then as he lands on his knees beside me he asks, “Are you okay?”
I think about this for a second, my ankle really hurts, but more in that way that your elbow hurts when you hit your funny bone. My head hurts, but not badly. My fingers hurt but I can flex them so they’re okay. All in all, I’d say I’m okay.
Josh comes out to see what’s going on and he recoils when he sees me lying on the ground.
“Call an ambulance,” Max barks at him, as he sits behind me and strokes the hair off my face.
“No, no,” I say as I try to sit up. “That’s a bit dramatic...” I wince as the pain shoots through my ankle. I immediately stop trying to move.
“Liv, just lay still and do as you’re told for once in your life.” Max turns back to Josh. “Call them.”
“Where does it hurt?” he asks in a panicked voice.
“Here.” I point towards my foot.
“Okay, just lie still. It’ll be okay.” Somewhere his phone is ringing but he ignores it.
When Josh returns, he has the first aid kit. He quickly opens it and hands a packet to Max. I watch with
