have a talk with Jen and Scott.”
“Not yet,” he mumbles.
“No, we have to say something, all this not saying is eating away at our time together. Please?”
He nods, he feels it too. “Okay.”
I grab my chance. “I’m calling a meeting,” I say to the room. Five faces turn to me with varying degrees of uncertainty, ranging from Charlie’s general surprise, to Danny’s horror that I’m just running with this now, no further conversation. “Please, it’s important. Can you all just sit down?”
“What are you doing?” Danny hisses.
“The right thing,” I state simply and push past him.
“Wait, Liv we have to talk about this. I don't think I can go through with it…I’m not ready…I need to be sure you can deal with it.”
“I can deal with it.” I look into his eyes, trying to will him to have the confidence to believe me, find the faith I know he has in me underneath this momentary lapse. “Do you trust me?”
“Without question.”
“Then come with me and listen to how on board with this I really am.” He hesitates and then follows.
Everyone else is sitting round the big table between the living room and the kitchen, waiting to know why they are there. Max looks like he ought to know what this is about, but can’t put his finger on it and it’s bugging him. Maybe we should do this without them, but it sort of involves them too.
“Alright everyone. We need to talk about some stuff and unless someone speaks up, the wondering what will happen is going to affect everyone.” I take a deep breath. “Max, Charlie.” I turn to them. “Jen and Scott are trying to conceive and Danny has offered to help them by being their sperm donor.” Danny cringes. Max nods, he knew about their fertility issues.
Charlie begins to stand. “We should let you discuss this in private” he says sweetly.
“Sit down.” I say, a lot more forcefully than I meant. Charlie looks shocked. “Sorry. It’s just that this concerns you too, If you two ever want children, I’m helping you, so you may as well be involved in this.” Charlie is taken aback. Max half smiles. I always said I’d have his baby for him one day, but this is real. My asking them to join this conversation is a future offer, he knows I’m serious. “If you don’t want that, then your support on this is still appreciated.”
“Okay.” I take a steadying breath. “So Jen, Scott… Danny has been tying himself in knots over helping you. He wants to do it so much it aches, I can feel it. I’ve told him I think it’s great. I’ve talked about it with him until I’m blue in the face. But deep down he’s terrified that once it’s done, it will somehow come between us.” I turn to Danny. “Is that about right?”
Danny nods.
“Good. At least we all understand each other. For my part, I wholeheartedly support him in doing this and I want to make a similar offer to Max and Charlie. For years I've said that if Max wants to be a dad, I'd carry his baby. I don't even know if he wants it anymore, but if at some point in the future you wish to explore the options.' I turn to Max and Charlie, so they can see I'm dead serious. 'I would need to discuss it with Danny fully, but I would be open to talking about it.” A few cautious nods follow. Danny is wide-eyed, but the support for my sudden and frank offer shows on his face.
“I just can’t stand this anymore. The pressure is getting to Danny right at a time when I need him most. So tell them Danny, tell them you’re helping them.”
Danny sighs but then he gives me a tight smile and takes my hand for support. “Okay, I called the clinic and I have all the information.” He shrugs. “So once we’re ready, you know, once we’ve started our family, I want to get started. I’ll fly back and make the donations until you have however many you need.”
I shake my head. “Actually, I called them back. You have an appointment for tomorrow.”
Danny looks at me, stunned.
“Liv, we talked about this, not until we have our own family.”
“No way!” says Jen. “We told you, we are not taking Danny’s first child.”
“We can wait,” says Scott quietly behind her.
“Liv, you should think about this,” Charlie interjects.
Max just eyes me quietly. I hold his stare and I know he sees what is at the centre of this. A ghost of a smile crosses his lips.
I hold my hands up to stop everyone, someone is going to have an aneurism if I don’t calm this down. “Stop, please just hear me out.”
“Liv, no!” Danny erupts beside me. “I know you want to help, I do too, but not like this. We come first.” He gives Max a pleading look. 'Max, will you talk to her?'
I stand and slip my hand in my back pocket. Pulling it out, I hand him the white stick.
Danny looks at me, eyes wide, his mouth twitches, he blinks and then looks back at the stick. He takes it gently from my hands and looks at the display. Slowly he looks back at me. I’ve never seen him so stunned, then the lights come back on and he leaps to his feet. The happiest, most confused, delirious smile I’ve ever seen, spreading across his beautiful face while he is in motion. He grabs me and lifts me clear off the ground, spinning me around and laughing. I’m suddenly aware that we’re both laughing. Tears roll down my face and when Danny finally puts me down, his lips are on mine before I even get a proper breath in.
“Are we having a baby?” he asks as he lets me up for air, his eyes shining with unexpressed emotion.
“Yes,” I whisper.
The others gather around us and I’m aware of congratulatory hugs and kind words, but, after Danny, my main focus is Jen. Our eyes meet. She’s crying, but they’re happy tears. There’s not a trace of resentment in her eyes and I know then that she is a true friend to Danny. Only the most pure friendships can withstand such landslide moments and she is unquestioningly happy for us. I smile at her and she smiles back. Danny lets go of me for a second and grabs her and I watch while they share this fantastic news together. Max envelops me in his arms.
“I’m so proud of you,” he whispers. “Congratulations.” I wipe my eyes as Danny turns back to me and Max relinquishes me to my husband.
“When did you find out?” Danny asks.
“Today. I’m due on in a couple of days, but I feel different, my jeans are tight. I’ve felt like it for a week. So I did a test.” I gasp as he slides his hand over my stomach. We’ve had some heartbreakingly tender moments over the years, but this tops them all, hands down.
A tear rolls down his cheek. “Thank you,” he says. I smile softly.
“You see why I think we should do this now?” I say quietly to him while everyone else is giving us a little distance for our moment.
“Yes.” He sniffs. Then he smiles. “You are a very special person, you know? You don’t even stop to savour your own moment without thinking of someone else.”
After we have composed ourselves, Jen suggests tea and coffee as we are unprepared and have no champagne. I help her make it. For a minute or two we work in silence and then I catch Jen looking at me.
“I’m so happy for you,” she says .
“I know you are,” I say and hug her.
“I just…I don’t want you to think I’m just saying it. I’m so happy for you both, you will make wonderful parents. This is Danny’s dream, I love him, I know you understand that, so you must know that I wouldn’t have to fake this.”
“I do, I get it. Thank you.” We hug again. This is fast becoming emotionally exhausting!
After a pretty heavy afternoon, we all relax and digest the new turn in our lives. I watch in awe as Jen and Danny make us all dinner. They move around the kitchen like they are two parts of the same whole. They are so in sync and their bodies touch with practiced ease, it warms my heart and makes me feel smug at the same time. I doubt many spouses could stomach it. Scott is an understanding guy and came into this knowing their friendship…and me, well, just as I’m watching, Max comes up behind me, wrapping me in his arms and kisses my cheek. We’re just…different…and today has proved just how different we really are.
Weary from an emotional and mind-bending day, we all turn in early. Tomorrow, Danny has his blood tests and will make his first donation. I sigh contentedly as I flop onto the bed. Danny closes the door behind him and stands watching me. I look up to see what he’s doing after there is silence for a minute and realise that he’s just
