Elegy

“But you did another night?” she asked, and if he said yes, she was certain she’d throw up.

“No,” he said quickly. “No. I’ve never had sex with her.”

“Why not?”

“We were supposed to tonight, but Liv killed Aiden, and that interrupted us.”

Harper brushed the hair back from her forehead, and she realized her hands were trembling. “If she hadn’t interrupted, you would’ve had sex with her?”

He nodded. “Yes.”

“So … did you do anything with her?” Harper asked, but he said nothing. “Daniel. Answer me.”

“Yes.”

“Did you kiss her? Did you take off your clothes?” she asked, and when he didn’t reply, she went on, “Did she get further with you than I have?”

He breathed deeply, then so softly she barely heard him, he said, “Yes.”

And then she couldn’t contain herself. Without even thinking, she reached out and smacked him across the face. It was hard enough to make a loud, cracking sound, and the palm of her hand tingled. Tear welled her eyes.

“I am so sorry, Harper,” Daniel said, and he finally looked up at her.

“How long has this been going on?” she asked, ignoring his apology. “When did she proposition you?”

“I don’t know.” He shook his head. “Maybe … two and a half weeks ago.”

“Two and a half weeks?” She looked up at the ceiling to keep the tears from spilling over and laughed cynically. “Holy shit, Daniel.”

“I didn’t know what else to do,” he said.

“You didn’t?” She smiled bitterly and wiped at her eyes. “You were kissing me and holding me and telling me you loved me, and I was telling you all my secrets and you were planning to sleep with someone else? I was here, on your birthday, planning to share myself with you fully, and you’re lying and sneaking around…”

“I know it’s wrong,” he insisted. “Sex with Penn is gross and horrible, but I had to protect you.”

A tear slid down her cheek, and she let it. “No, Daniel. I’m not mad because you planned to sleep with her.” She shook her head. “I mean, I am hurt, and I don’t know if I’d ever really be okay with that. Even knowing that you did it for me, and for my sister.

“But what I’m really mad about is that you didn’t tell me.” She looked him right in the eyes. “I trusted you, Daniel, with everything, with all of me, and you … You didn’t do the same.”

“No, Harper, it wasn’t about trust. I knew that if I told you, you’d try to talk me out of it, and I couldn’t…” He paused, sighing. “I knew that when you found out, this would be over. But I didn’t know how else to keep you safe.”

“That is bullshit, Daniel!” She got up and walked away from him, too angry even to be near him. Pulling the flannel shirt more tightly around her, Harper glared down at him. “You weren’t gonna tell me until after! Were you ever even gonna tell me?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted.

“I can’t believe you.” Harper buried her fingers in her hair, holding her head as she tried to process what he’d just told her. Then she took a deep breath and lowered her arms. “I sat on your couch today, texting you I love you, and you were about to go screw my mortal enemy. And I don’t give a shit how noble or valid your reasons are, you should’ve told me, and you know it.”

Daniel stood up, and she could see the tears in his eyes. “I am so very sorry, Harper.”

“What were you thinking?” she asked, restraining herself from screaming it at him. She wanted to hit him and yell at him and demand to know how he could do this, how he could ruin something that was so amazing and destroy the one thing in her life that was nearly perfect.

“I just had to protect you,” he said simply.

“And how did you protect me? By hurting me in the worst possible way?”

“No, I didn’t…” He shook his head. “I didn’t mean for any of this.”

“All this time, you’ve been pushing to get close to me, and I tried to keep you at arm’s length. But you clawed your way into my life, and you made me fall in love with you, and you promised never to hurt me, and you fought so hard to earn my trust.” She let out a small sob when she realized the horrible truth of what he’d just done. “And now I don’t think I can ever trust you again.”

“You would’ve talked me out of it!” Daniel shouted, as if that would convince her somehow. “What else was I supposed to do?”

“You were supposed to talk to me!” Harper yelled back. “And if it would’ve been so easy for me to talk you out of, then it wasn’t the right thing to do, Daniel! Because if it was the right thing, I would’ve let you do it, even if it hurt.”

With a stricken expression on his face, he said, “I’m sorry.”

“No. Stop. I can’t hear that anymore. I think I’m gonna be sick.” She ran over and grabbed her iPod and book bag from where they sat next to the fireplace. “I have to get out of here.”

“No, Harper, wait.” He moved toward her, like he meant to touch her, and she pulled back away from him.

“I can’t. I can’t talk to you right now. I can’t even look at you.”

“I don’t want to leave things like this.”

She started toward the door, pushing by him. “I don’t care what you want.”

“Harper. I love you,” he said, and she stopped to look back at him.

“I don’t believe you,” she said with tears in her eyes, then she turned away and left.

TWENTY-EIGHT Impact

Harper arrived at her house just before midnight, and she’d somehow managed not to cry the whole way home. It was completely dark, so she crept up the stairs to her old room, hoping not to disturb anyone. She’d just reached the top of the stairs when Gemma emerged from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her hair.

“Harper. What are you doing here?” Gemma asked.

“Um, I just…” She ran a hand through her hair and took a deep breath.

“What happened? Are you okay?”

Harper was still only wearing Daniel’s flannel shirt and her new lingerie. Fortunately, she’d buttoned up the shirt, and it was too big for her, so it covered up a lot. She’d been in such a hurry to leave the island that she hadn’t bothered to put anything else on.

“I think I may have just broken up with Daniel,” Harper said finally, and she started to cry.

“Oh, Harper. Come on.” Gemma put her arm around her and ushered her into Harper’s bedroom. She made sure to close the door behind them so they wouldn’t awaken Brian, and Harper sat down on the bed.

“Did you know that he was sleeping with Penn?” Harper asked her.

Gemma had been standing in front of her, and she sighed before sitting down on the bed next to her.

“No,” Gemma said at length. “I mean, I thought something might be going on, but Daniel insisted he had it under control. Then tonight, he kinda confirmed my worst suspicions, and I told him he that he needed to tell you what was going on.”

Harper laughed to keep from crying. “Well, he did.”

“So did he … actually have sex with her?” Gemma asked carefully.

“He says he didn’t, but I don’t know if I believe him.” She shrugged. “I don’t know if I can believe anything he says.”

“Did he say why he was doing it?”

“For you and me. He didn’t elaborate too much on it, but I guess Penn told him he either sleeps with her, or she kills us.” Harper chewed the inside of her cheek. “So he was doing it to protect me.”

“He loves you, Harper.” Gemma put her hand on her back, rubbing it. “And I’m not saying that you should