mixture. It looked like tomato juice. I’d pretend it was tomato juice.
“You are confused, yes? You need to remember, yes? Drink it. It will help you,” Mr. Lukumi said.
I flicked my eyes to Noah and he held his hands up defensively. “Don’t look at me,” he said, then turned to Mr. Lukumi, “But if anything happens to her afterward,” he said carefully, “I will end you.”
Mr. Lukumi was unruffled by the threat. “She will sleep. She will remember. That is all. Now drink.”
I took the glass from him but my nostrils flared as I brought it to my mouth. The salt-rust smell turned my stomach, and I hesitated.
This whole thing was probably fake. The blood, the botanica. Mr. Lukumi was humoring us for the money. The hypnotist would probably do the same. It wouldn’t help.
But neither did the pills. And the alternative was waiting. Waiting and talking to Dr. Maillard, while my nightmares got worse and my hallucinations became harder to hide, until I’d eventually be pulled out of school— dashing any hope of graduating on time, of going to a good college, of having a normal life.
What the hell. I tilted the glass and winced when my lips reached the warm liquid. My taste buds rebelled at the bitterness, the metallic iron flavor. It was all I could do not to spit. After a few painful gulps, I wrenched the cup from my lips but Mr. Lukumi shook his head.
“All of it,” he said.
I looked at Noah. He shrugged.
I turned back to the glass. This was my choice. I wanted this. I needed to finish it.
I closed my eyes, tossed my head back and brought the glass to my mouth. It clicked against my teeth and I swallowed the thin liquid. I chugged it when my throat protested, screamed at me to stop. The warmth dribbled over both sides of my chin and soon, the glass was empty. I sat upright again and held the cup in my lap. I did it. I smiled, triumphant.
“You look like the Joker,” Noah said.
That was the last thing I heard before I blacked out.
50
WHEN I AWOKE, I FACED A WALL OF books. My eyes felt puffy and swollen with sleep and I rubbed them with my fists like a little girl. Lamplight from an alcove stretched across the room, reaching for my exposed legs at the foot of the bed.
Noah’s bed.
In Noah’s room.
Without any clothes on.
Holy shit.
I wrapped the flat sheet tighter around my chest. Lightning flashed, illuminating the roiling surface of the bay outside the window.
“Noah?” I asked, my voice shaky and hoarse with sleep. My last memory was the taste of that rank concoction Mr. Lukumi gave me to drink. The warm feel of it dribbling down my chin. The smell. And then I remembered cold, being cold. But nothing else. Nothing else. My sleep was dreamless.
“You’re up,” Noah said as he padded into view. He was limned in the light from his desk, his drawstring pants hanging low on his hips and his T-shirt hugging his lean frame. The light cast his elegant profile into relief; sharp and gorgeous, as if he’d been cut from glass. He moved to sit on the edge of his bed, about a foot away from my feet.
“What time is it?” I asked him. My voice was thick with sleep.
“About ten.”
I blinked. “It was almost two when the seminar ended, wasn’t it?” Noah nodded. “What happened?”
He shot me a loaded glance. “You don’t remember?”
I shook my head. Noah said nothing and looked away. His expression was even, but I saw the muscles working in his jaw. I grew increasingly uncomfortable. What was so bad he couldn’t—oh. Oh, no. My eyes flicked down to the sheet I’d wrapped around myself. “Did we—”
In an instant, Noah’s face was full of mischief. “No. You tore your clothes off and then ran through the house screaming ‘It burns! Take it off us!’”
My face flushed hot.
“Kidding,” Noah said, grinning wickedly.
He was too far away to smack.
“But you did jump in the pool with your clothes on.”
Fabulous.
“I was just glad you didn’t choose the bay. Not in this storm.”
“What happened to them?” I asked. Noah looked bemused. “My clothes, I mean?”
“They’re in the wash.”
“How did I—” I blushed deeper. Did I take them off in front of him?
Did he take them off?
“Nothing I haven’t seen before.”
I buried my face in my hands. God help me.
A soft chuckle escaped from Noah’s lips. “Fret not, you were actually very modest in your intoxicated state. You undressed in the bathroom, wrapped yourself in a towel, crawled between my sheets, and slept.” Noah shifted on the bed, and the oddest crunching came from underneath him. I looked, really looked, at the bed for the first time.
“What,” I asked slowly, as I eyed the animal crackers strewn all over it, “the hell?”
“You were convinced they were your pets,” Noah said, not even trying to suppress his laughter. “You wouldn’t let me touch them.”
Jesus.
Noah raised the light quilt, careful not to disturb my sheet, and folded it so none of my pets would spill onto the floor. He walked over to his closet and retrieved one of his plaid shirts and a pair of boxer briefs and held them out to me casually. I gripped the bed sheet covering my skin with one hand and took his clothes with the other as Noah walked back to the alcove. I slipped the shirt over my head and the boxers over my legs but I was acutely, keenly aware of his presence.
In point of fact, I was acutely, keenly aware of everything. The places where Noah’s flannel shirt billowed and curved against my body. The cool cotton sheets beneath my legs, which really felt like silk. The smell of old paper and leather mingled with the rumor of Noah’s scent. I saw, felt, smelled everything in his room. I felt alive. Vital. Incredible. For the first time in forever.
“Wait,” I said as Noah slipped a book from a shelf and headed toward the door. “Where are you going?”
“To read?”
But I don’t want you to.
“But I need to go home,” I said, my eyes meeting his. “My parents are going to kill me.”
“Taken care of. You’re at Sophie’s house.”
I loved Sophie.
“So I’m … staying here?”
“Daniel’s covering for you.”
I loved Daniel.
“Where’s Katie?” I asked, trying to sound casual.
“Eliza’s house.”
I loved Eliza.
“And your parents?” I asked.
“Some charity thing.”
I loved charity.
