PANIC

I get flustered for a second and don’t have anything to say. “Why do I like you? Is this what you’re asking? You need me to stroke your ego a bit, Ford?”

He laughs. “Hardly, Rook. I just want the truth from you.”

“I just need a friend. I want you to be my friend.”

“I am your friend.”

“But that back there was not what friends do, Ford. It did confuse me. I already have a boyfriend. We’re in love.”

“Yeah, a boyfriend who’s desperate for me to figure out what the fuck is going on inside that messed-up head of yours because he’s terrified you’ll walk out on him if he asks you himself.”

“What? You assholes are talking about me? He’s asking you for advice and you make a move on me?” I shake my head and start walking off again, but this time Ford grabs my wrist.

“Stop!” he commands.

I stop.

And then I realize what he just did and attempt to yank myself free. But each time I struggle he pulls me closer until I’m pressed against his chest, fighting off tears. He leans down again and whispers in my ear. “I was wrong about you, Rook.”

I swallow and look up at him, meeting his gaze.

“You’re not inexperienced, are you?”

My heart is ready to jack itself right out of my chest and I try my hardest to break free, but he holds me tight and close.

“You’re not inexperienced, you’re submissive. You just spent the last few years unconditionally following orders, didn’t you?”

“You have no idea—”

He grips my wrist hard enough to cut off my words and make me cry out. “I’m the guy who brought a pet to your birthday party, Rook. Don’t fucking tell me I have no idea.”

I turn off. That’s all I have left, I just turn off. I stop struggling as my eyes glaze over. I concentrate on a point out on the sidelines where a cheerleader is doing tumbling moves. A few of her friends join her and—

“Look at me.”

“Fuck you.”

He lets go of my wrist and I lower my head and count the seconds to see what he’s up to. When I get to ten and he has nothing to say, I jump down the stairs and head for the parking lot.

Chapter Sixteen - ROOK

My face is hot and it takes all my willpower to prevent the tears from coming out with the anger and frustration. Ford is weird. I need to stop this. Ronin was right, he’s got emotional issues. Or lack of emotion issues, I’m not quite sure. Either way, I think I’m done with Ford. I reach the Bronco and yank on the door handle to get in and realize it’s locked.

Of course it’s locked, you idiot. Your eight-thousand-dollar camera is in there.

I lean against the door and watch Ford walk towards me across the parking lot. When he reaches me he says nothing, just pushes his key into the lock and then opens the door.

I climb in as he goes around to his side and does the same.

He sinks back into his seat and I turn my head and watch the various groups of people bustling around the stadium.

“You ran.”

I shake my head. “I’m done here and I’d like for you to start the fucking truck and drop me off at Spencer’s.”

He lets out a sigh. “Too far, then?”

I look over at him now. His face is expressionless, just passive, like this isn’t some monumentally fucked-up moment in time for me. “So you’re fucking with me? Is that it, Ford? Your job here is to rip apart my brain and do what? Use me up and spit me out like the rest of your pets? Am I a pet to you? Your project? You know what’s fucking funny? You say Ronin’s the one with the hero complex, but from what I can tell, that’s you, Ford. Ronin doesn’t fuck with me like this, he just accepts me for what I am.”

He laughs. “Is that right? Do you have any idea what Ronin does in our little partnership?”

“I do not give one fancy fuck about Ronin’s part in what you guys do together.”

Ford looks away and sighs. “I’m sorry, then, OK?” He looks back over at me and waits a few seconds to see if I’ll respond. But I keep silent. “I didn’t realize it would affect you like that, OK? I’m sorry.”

I continue to stare out the window. “Whatever. You know exactly what you were doing, so save it. Just take me home.”

“Rook, I swear, it was a little harmless flirt, that’s all. I didn’t realize you’d get all…” He stops. “Well, I don’t really understand what happened, actually. Do you like me? Like that?”

Oh, my God. I am so completely fucking humiliated. “Just take me home.”

I catch him scrubbing his hand down his face from the corner of my eye, like I’m frustrating him. “OK, I’ll start then. How’s that? Because I really didn’t mean to have this conversation with you, like ever. But since I’ve unleashed it—maybe unconsciously, maybe not—I’ll just say it.”

Holy fucking shit, he’s gonna go there.

“I want you. I have it pretty bad, in fact. I knew the fucking moment I saw you come into Antoine’s office that day we went out to dinner. I went out of my way to make sure you were sitting next to me. And you, you… you just… there was just something about you that drew me in. I had no idea what it was. At least back then.” He stops and swallows and then looks over at me and stares hard, straight in my eyes. “But I do now. I know what it is that draws us together and I think you do too.”

“I’m not talking about this.”

He ignores me and continues. “I’d never make you cheat on Ronin, Rook. I’m not like that at all.”

“Take me home.”

“But you’d make my year if you admitted to me that you feel this too.”

“Oh. My. God! Shut the fuck up and take me home!” I shout it and I expect some reaction to this lapse in emotional control, but a laugh isn’t quite it. “Why are you laughing?”

“You do like me, don’t you? Enough to leave Ronin? Not that I’m asking,” he adds hurriedly. “I’m not asking you to do that, OK. I’m just—”

“You’re just playing with me, right? You think you’ve guessed something about my past and that gives you the right to mess with me? Play concerned friend, take me running and then flirt and make me uncomfortable. Get me to spill my guts and then stomp all over my feelings and rub it all in. That’s what you’re doing, right?”

“Rub all what in, Rook?” he asks, confused.

“The fact that you could dangle that teeny-tiny carrot in front of me and I’d jump.”

“Do you like me?”

“Of course I like you. Why else would I spend so much fucking time with you?”

“Do you want me?”

I take a second to think this through because this question is much harder to answer.

“Do you, Rook?”

“No, Ford. I don’t.” I look over at him and let my defenses drop a little. “You have this power over me, you make that rotten carrot look like spun sugar. And I’ve been there already. I know it’s an illusion. I’m not looking for that kind of relationship again, OK? But…” I’m not sure I want to say the rest, so I stop and chew on my nail as I watch the people in the parking lot.

Ford stays silent for a while, but there’s no way I’m getting out of this now, so when he pushes I’m not surprised. “But what? Just tell me, Rook. If you want me to keep it from Ronin, I will. I won’t tell him any of