Pariah

‘You want the truth, yes, I am. It’s bad enough I have to spend most of my Saturday afternoon stuck in dreary meetings on the upper floors of 1PP. But when I finally get out in time to meet my wife for some Christmas shopping, my cellphone never stops ringing. First of all from a very irate captain who’s been briefed by a very irate duty sergeant that two of his men have had the crap beaten out of them by one of my detectives.’

‘That’s not the whole-’

‘Then I get a call telling me that despite nobody knowing anything about your location or your actions today, you’ve suddenly phoned in to say that you’re at the scene of a homicide. Of your own CI, no less.’

‘I was trying to be-’

‘And then, when I get down here, I discover that you took it upon yourself to walk all over a crime scene with the finesse of a bulldozer. So, to repeat my answer to your question, yes, I am a tad irritated that a member of my squad has decided to start World War Three without the knowledge or permission of his superior.’

Doyle waits for a moment. ‘Can I talk now?’

Franklin sails an open palm out from his waist. ‘Be my guest.’

‘I admit I didn’t follow procedure up there, but this is no ordinary homicide. This was done to hurt me. It was aimed at me. Spinner’s a buddy of mine. We go. . we went back a long way. His death’s on me. Seeing him like that, what he went through, it hit me kinda hard.’

He gets no show of sympathy from Franklin. ‘And this morning? What was that all about? First you have an unlogged meeting with a CI, and then you go out and beat up two cops.’

‘They started it,’ Doyle says, then realizes how childish it sounds.

‘The way I heard it, not only did you kick the crap out of them, but then you even went so far as to draw your weapon on them. In full view of members of the public, no less.’

‘Mo, it wasn’t as simple as that. Christ, they’re making me out to be some kind of cop-hating vigilante. I went to see Marino to ask him a simple question-’

Franklin stops him with raised hands. ‘I don’t care why you went there, although I can guess. What I care about is how it made you look, and by implication how it makes me look. Jesus, man, I turned a blind eye for you this morning. Against my better judgment I allowed you to stay on the job. At no point did I even hint that you could stop acting like a police officer and become some kind of maverick who thinks he can do whatever the hell he wants.’

‘Mo, I’m sorry, okay? I don’t know what else I can say. It’s not like I got up this morning and thought I’d give myself a shitty day or anything. I’ve kinda had my fill of shitty days recently.’

‘Yeah, well, maybe you should do something about it. Take some time to chill out a little.’

‘I don’t need. .’ Doyle begins, then realizes that Franklin isn’t simply offering some friendly advice. He searches the lieutenant’s face for a sign that he’s wrong.

‘You’re taking me off the case.’

Franklin shakes his head, but his expression tells Doyle that it’s not to convey better news. ‘You’re off all your cases, Cal. You’re off the squad. Temporary R amp;R.’

‘Mo, that’s-’

‘The call came through, Cal. I already spoke to the Chief of Ds. The word’s come down from on high. You’re out.’

‘Well, fuck them. If they think I’m going to-’

‘I’m not giving you choices here. For Chrissake, there are people dying all around you. Can’t you see that? How many more do you want on your conscience before you decide to leave it alone? You’re out, Cal. It’s a done deal. And if you want my honest opinion, you’re lucky you’ve still got your gun and shield after the cock-ups you made today.’

Franklin turns then, heads back up the steps of the apartment building.

Doyle calls after him, ‘This case is all about me, Mo. I’m the best chance you have of catching this guy.’

‘Go home, Detective,’ Franklin says. ‘That’s an order.’

He disappears into the dark lobby. The two uniformed cops stationed at the door send semaphore signals to each other with their eyebrows.

Doyle takes a step toward the building, but no farther. He knows he can’t fight this.

‘I can’t fucking go home!’ he yells. ‘Tell me where the fuck I’m supposed to go now!’

But there’s no answer. Just the noises of the city going by like a river around a stone.

SIXTEEN

‘Hello?’

Her voice. He really needs that voice right now.

‘Rachel?’

‘Cal! Honey! How are you?’

‘I. . yeah, I’m good. What about you? And Amy?’

‘Oh, Cal, you should have seen her today. Danced her little heart out. I never knew she could dance so well.’

Yeah, the dance show. Amy getting a medal. One of those milestones in your child’s development you just can’t miss. And he wasn’t there for her. He let her down.

‘It’s the Irish in her. All the Irish can dance a good jig. I wish I coulda been there.’

‘Yeah, I do too. But, well. .’

‘Yeah. Did she miss me?’

‘She’s been asking for you all day. She’s saved a dance just for you. For when you come home.’

‘That’s nice. Tell her I can’t wait to see it. Tell her I’ll bring her a little present home.’

‘I will. That’ll be soon, won’t it? You coming home, I mean.’

‘Are you kidding? With your husband on the case? How long can it take?’

‘It’s already been forever.’

‘Yeah. Yeah, I know. Just. . keep your chin up, okay? For Amy’s sake.’

‘I. . okay. But it’s not the same without you here. I don’t even know what day you’re coming home. It’s not right, Cal. It’ll be Christmas soon. We need to be together, as a family.’

‘Hey, shush. You think there’s any way I’m not going to be there for Christmas? I’ll be home way before then.’

‘You promise?’

‘Swear to God. Maybe I’ll bring an early Christmas present for you, too.’

‘Just bring you home, Cal. Safe and sound.’

‘Don’t I always?’

‘I mean it, Cal. I don’t want to be called out to a hospital again. I don’t want the next time I see you to be in a morgue. I don’t want. .’

Tears again. And not just in Rachel.

‘Rachel. Rachel. I’m fine, and I’m gonna stay fine. Keep an eye on that apartment door. I’ll be back before you know it.’

‘Solve the case, Cal. Just solve the case.’

How? When he’s virtually a prisoner in this fucking hotel?

‘I. . yeah. I’ll solve the case.’

‘Cal?’

‘What?’

‘I love you.’

‘I love you too, honey.’

And that’s the only thing he’s got right now.

He lies on his bed for half an hour, hands clasped behind his head. He stares at an abstract painting on the wall and wonders what it’s an abstraction of. He realizes that his brain just isn’t wired in a way that will allow him to move beyond the colored circles and squares he can see. Decides that the only circle that will take him to a