In Too Deep

him answer all my fears the way he knows best.

He deepens the kiss, moving his tongue against mine and I happily obey, tasting, teasing along with his expert mouth.

Colt caresses my jaw, moving slowly, deliberately, being the gentleman he’s promised, until I inadvertently let out a little gasp. Then he responds like a match struck, a low growl rumbling through his chest while he pulls me up onto his lap. Whoa.

We continue kissing, me in his lap and I run my hands through his hair. He grips my waist, pressing me into his lap.

Colt’s kisses do insane things to my body. My heart is pounding and I’m flushed all over. In the chaos of this moment, suddenly I’m stuck by a thought.  He’s too good at all this. The way his hands cup my behind, his thumbs kneading into my lower back, then slipping just under the waist band of my jeans. His experience at all this is evident. And suddenly I feel inadequate. But then Colt groans against my neck as he trails damp kisses across my throat and a fullness swells inside me knowing I have the same effect on him.

Several minutes later, we’re both out of breath, our cheeks flushed and our lips swollen. I lose myself in Colt, all common sense, all self-preservation flying out the window.

Colt pulls back from kissing me cradling my face in his hands. “You. Are. Driving. Me. Insane.” He groans, a deep animalistic sound in the back of his throat. Holy crap. It’s incredibly sexy and makes me feel powerful, desirable.

“I’m sorry.” I look down, unsure what to say next. I watch him while my heart slows, wondering where this could possibly be heading. My mind flashes a neon sign that says Heartbreak City. I ignore it.

“It’s okay,” he says. “There’s no rush.” He smiles lightly at me and his reassurance is all the encouragement I need. 

Chapter 43

Taylor sitting on my bed does strange things to me. I want her. More than anything, I want this girl I know I shouldn’t have. But that’s never stopped me before.

I lean in to kiss her. She lifts her chin, responding to me instantly and meets my mouth with the softest kiss. I cradle her face in my hands and let my lips leave hers to wander across her jaw, then down her neck. Her smell is intoxicating and so are the breathy little sounds escaping her lips.

I take her mouth again and dip my tongue to meet hers. She kisses me back skillfully, carefully. It’s hot. Really fucking hot. I grab onto her waist and press her closer into my lap. She pulls back from my lips, looking startled. “I need you closer,” I explain.

A lazy smile crosses her lips, and I’m back to kissing her. I move to her neck again just so I can hear those sounds she makes. I press my tongue to throat and feel the way her pulse jumps.  My hands move on their own and I grasp her hips, settling her even closer into my lap. Now she’s completely straddling me. Her breath comes in quick gasps and she balls my shirt in her hands. “This. Off,” she mumbles while I continue to lick and kiss her neck.

I pull back and oblige, yanking my shirt off over my head.

She brings both her hands to my bare chest and runs them over my skin, then down my stomach. I shiver under her touch and see her mouth lift in a smile.

I quickly roll us over on the bed so she’s underneath me and hitch her leg up around my waist. I push against her and she groans, deep, throaty, full of need. Her hands are on my chest again, but this time, rather than urging me closer, she’s pushing me away.

“Colt, stop.” She pushes against my chest.

I lift myself up off of her wondering what’s wrong.

Her breathing is heavy, nearly a pant and her lips are swollen and pink from kissing. “I just need a minute,” she says, still breathless.

We both roll onto our sides, facing each other, breathing heavily, the intensity still burning between us. Despite her plea, I can’t help but touch her. I grip her waist, pulling her in closer. “What is it?”

“This isn’t going to work for me.” She motions between us. “Knowing you can’t…that you don’t want a relationship…this can’t go any further.”

Crap. I let out a deep exhale, and sit up on the bed. I look down at her, still lying against my pillow. She looks tiny and confused, and so pretty and the words still come rushing out of me. “I’m sorry, Taylor, but I can’t open myself up for that. I’m not looking for a relationship.”

She sits up, matching my position. “And I’m not looking for a booty call. I can’t give myself to someone again and be crushed when they leave.”

“Me neither.” I study her. And who said I wanted her for a booty call? Does she have that little faith in me? I’ve just made her dinner and yet she still assumes the worst of me.

Realization crosses her face, and knows I’m talking about my mom. In a strange way, we both have the same fear – losing someone we love.

She wraps her arms around her knees, hugging herself. “Well then I guess we’re at a stalemate.”

I let out a frustrated growl. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?” 

Chapter 44

Colt is shirtless sitting on his bed looking like a sex-god, but his expression is troubled. I know he’s waiting for me to say something…but when I said I needed a minute… I really meant it.

I know I’m being unfair. How can I compare my fears over what happened with Wes to his fears. He has truly lost love – his mother’s love, his father’s love according to him – his family. Love and loss pulled them apart. It was too painful to go on living like a family after they lost her. Of course he’s broken. How can I ask him to just get over something like that?

              The heart break of losing Wes lasted what…a few months? Colt lost his family – that isn’t something you get over – ever. Can I accept him…and all his issues? Can I be with him on his terms?

No. I can’t. I need more than just the physical stuff to be happy. But maybe after some negotiating…

“I could never be one of your...one nighters, Colt. I’m sorry. I just can’t.”

He laughs. The bastard actually laughs! “I know that Taylor. That’s not what I want either.”

“What do you want?” I ask in a small voice.

He pulls me closer, so we’re lying together again, my head resting against his chest. “I like hanging out with you. And I want to be able to kiss you and touch you too.”

I swallow roughly as his hand glides up the side of my neck and into my hair. “Colt, that sounds like a girlfriend.”

He shakes his head. “No…I’m not good with… the girlfriend thing. I told you that.”

“Only because you won’t let yourself be.” I prop myself up on one elbow and look down at him.

He looks deep in thought while he considers my words. “Maybe we could try something…” A mischievous smile crosses his lips and I doubt I’ll have the willpower to say no twice tonight. He runs his hand up my thigh and my breath hitches.

I blush ferociously.

“I know how much I affect you. I can see it in your eyes, the way your body responds to me.” He brings his hand up so it’s resting on my belly. I suck in another breath at the intimacy of it. “And when I touch you…I love the noises you make.”

I inhale at his choice of words. Damn, my body is totally giving me away. I blush and look down.