Walk the Shadows

'In his 'Harry Hunting' games?'

Harry winced. 'Yes, sir. Or when his friends wanted a laugh. Or if he caught me talking to anyone at school or answering a question right for a teacher, or walking too slow, or just anytime he felt like it.' He rubbed a hand across his face and finally looked over at Severus. 'I got used to it.'

'Did no one stop his . . . attentions while you were at school at least?'

Harry gave him an incredulous look. 'Why would they? It's not like I mattered. And he was usually careful not to hit me when there were teachers around.'

'And you told no one?'

With a snorted laugh, Harry shook his head. 'Right. They'd believe me, sure.' He scratched at his scar for a moment then shrugged, looking away. 'All right, fine. I tried to tell a teacher once, that Dudley and his friends had beaten me up in the boys' lavatory. Miss Killdare. She gave me ice for my eye. But then Aunt Petunia came screaming down to the school and called me a horrible little liar who was always doing nasty things to her wonderful Duddy-dipkins, and that I should be punished for making up such stories. She said any bruises I had were self-inflicted, and any tales I told should be ignored from then on. When I got home, I got the belt from my uncle and the cupboard for a week.'

He hitched up one shoulder. 'I'm not stupid. I learned.'

Severus took another sip of tea to cover his unease. 'How old were you?'

'Seven. Maybe six. It's hard to remember.'

'And how often did this sort of thing happen?'

'What? Dudley beating me up? All the time. Every day at primary, he found something to hit me for. He even beat up other kids if they started to be nice to me.' Harry shrugged again, one of the most forlorn gestures Severus had ever seen. 'After a while, I didn't care.'

'Indeed?' He leaned forward a little, and noted that Harry tensed in response, even though he was ostensibly looking away from Severus. 'You didn't mind not having friends?'

Another shrug. Severus raised an eyebrow, and Harry relented. 'Okay, I minded. There wasn't anything I could do about it, though, and I learned to do without, like I told you.'

'And how often did you 'get the belt'?'

Harry narrowed his eyes, and his chin came up, but once more he acquiesced. 'When I deserved it, sir.'

'That's not an answer.'

'It is.' He sighed. 'I don't know. Couple times? Uncle Vernon was more into shaking sense into me. Aunt Petunia just like to slap.' He pulled an almost rueful smile and rubbed at the side of his head as if he could still feel a lump there. 'Unless we were in the kitchen and she had a frying pan handy. I learned to duck.'

Severus stared at him. 'You seem to have accepted as given many conditions in your childhood that most people would find unacceptable.'

'Yeah, well, I'm a freak.'

'Words your relatives used.'

'So?'

'Is it possible they were mistaken?'

Harry laughed, but mirthlessly. 'Right. You're gonna tell me--'

'I am going to tell you this once, Potter, and I never want to hear that you've spoken of this subject again, so listen well. There is nothing wrong with you.'

'Yeah, right.' He had a passable sneer, it was true.

'And it wasn't your fault.'

'What the hell do you know?'

'I know enough.' Severus looked deep into the green eyes that had beheld so much horror, in such a short span of years, and he did not flinch. 'I know what violence to a child can do. I know what it's like to feel unwanted, uncared for. Unloved. And I tell you this, Harry, it was not your fault.'

Harry crossed his arms over his chest and glared at him. 'I know that.'

'No. I don't think you do, yet.' Severus sighed. 'But I hope you will one day.'

'Fine, whatever.'

'I think I shall excise that word from your vocabulary.'

'What, 'fine'?'

'That, too. You are obviously not fine, and so to continue to use such a hideously inappropriate word is insulting.'

'To linguists?'

Severus smirked. 'Exactly. So, we'll make a list of words that are of no use to our discussions.' He conjured a roll of parchment and a never-out quill. Who knew how many words they might need to add?

Harry gaped at him. 'You're serious?'

'Never moreso. Now, we've agreed that 'fine' shall go the way of all meat--'