Walk the Shadows

After laying Harry on the couch, then dosing him with a calming draught for good measure, Severus sat by Harry's feet, and observed his face. His forehead was wrinkled in worry lines and tension even while he was sleeping. His mouth was pinched around the edges, as if he were constantly in pain.

As they had talked about several times in these rooms, life just wasn't fair.

He now knew enough about Harry's life to understand that he was not, nor had he ever been the primped up, spoiled, arrogant prick that James had been. In fact, Harry often – maybe even usually – put others' concerns above his own. Not keeping quiet in Umbridge's class for Cedric's sake. Or running to slay a basilisk because a Weasley was in danger. Even when he whinged about the unfairness of life, it was usually on behalf of others, and not himself.

Even, Severus sighed to himself, even trying to hide his pain at what was happening to him at Topsham, because he didn't want his professor to be upset.

Merlin, what a mess the two of them were.

Suddenly he realized he was looking at green eyes, watching him. The boy was breathing normally, and didn't seem to be in any pain, although the wrinkles in his forehead were still present.

'How do you feel?' Severus asked, and could have smacked himself for asking such an inane thing.

But Harry merely shrugged a little and looked away, toward the fire in the hearth.

'Tea?' When Harry shook his head sharply, Severus said, 'Water then?' and received a faint, 'Yes, sir, please,' in reply. After he'd summoned a glass of water for the boy and let him drink, Severus set his expression to his more usual blank one. 'I would like us to have that conversation again, Harry,' he said. 'This time, with both of us remaining present.'

'Don'wanna.'

Severus gave him a mock glare. 'I do believe that's a triple point score.'

'Maybe two,' Harry allowed, with the thinnest of smiles. But Severus would take what he could get.

'Mm. Still, what we want is not always possible.'

'I'm tired, Professor,' Harry said.

'I know.' He paused. Then, 'Lily was one of my only friends in Hogwarts. I mean true friends, not just an acquaintance or one of a cohort. We knew each other before we even went to school.' He smirked at Harry's surprise. 'You had no way of knowing, of course, but we lived not far from each other when we were children. And yes, we were friends, and got along well at Hogwarts, too, the first couple of years, even after I was sorted into Slytherin and she into Gryffindor, even when she spent time with the Marauders,' he sneered. 'And even when they bullied me and pranked me and all that. I gave as good as I got, and they toned down a bit after the Shrieking Shack incident, though not much. Mostly just stopped doing it where others could see.'

He could see that Harry was wrapped up in the tale, as he was himself, remembering his first few days at Hogwarts. He'd quickly realized that, as a half blood, he was never really going to fit into Slytherin, but would always be on the sidelines, watching, so he spent time with Lily, exploring the grounds, sharing excitement about their classes, and enjoying her company.

'It changed, for us, when . . . when I called her that horrid name.' He held Harry's gaze until the boy nodded, once, and continued, 'She thought I was too far gone to the Dark, I think, if I could say such a thing to her, and I couldn't explain to her the vagaries of school yard taunts, and how being rescued by a girl was almost worse than the prank itself But I thought she would . . . I tried to apologize . . .'

Severus broke off and realized he was staring at his hands now, the same hands which were stained from years of mixing potions and poisons, and which had once held Lily's . . . He looked back at Harry, and his voice was thick as he went on, needing to tell him the whole thing. 'It was never the same after that. I joined the Death eaters. She married James. But I never once, never once thought anything I told the Dark Lord would hurt her, nor you or your father. That was never my intention.'

Harry stared back at him for a long, long time, and Severus almost wished the boy would scream at him again, or throw something. He had never shared any of this with anyone but Albus, and then, only on the day he finally left the Dark Lord for good. But Harry had to know. And he was sick of lies.

Finally, the boy sighed. His green eyes brimmed with tears, and Severus ached for him, for the boy he had been, and the pain he had endured. 'I believe you. And . . . and I'll think about your offer.' With that, Harry shoved off the couch and went to his room, closing the door quietly behind him. The table where the journal had been was bare.

In truth, it was a better reaction than he had expected.

End Flashback

XOXOXOXOXOXXOXOXOXOXOX

. . . I think he must be crazy. What would he want with a fucked up kid like me anyway? Besides, he still doesn't know the rest of the prophecy. Once he does, he won't want me anyway.

TBC . . .

A/N

: Love you all. You make my day, every day. Next chapter should be out by Monday.

*Chapter 24*: Chapter 24

Walk the Shadows -- Chapter 24

By jharad17