Walk the Shadows

did. Bel . . .' He swallowed. 'Bellatrix laughed at me . . .'

'Yes.'

'And I heard her, her other curses. There's so much blood . . .' The towel went through a few more contortions and the tears continued to fall. Another swallow, ending almost in a gag, but Harry leaned his head back against the wall, turning it away. 'And Lucius . . . he . . .'

'Tell me, Harry. It's all right.'

'God, it's so disgusting. I'm so disgusting. How could he . . .' Harry shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut, and Severus was almost sure he would need to be prompted again, when he was surprised, again. 'He raped me. He liked the blood,' Harry whispered. 'He thought it . . . that it tasted good, and he raped me.'

Severus nodded, then said aloud for Harry's benefit. 'Yes, he did. I'm sorry.'

'I know,' Harry admitted. His voice was even quieter, sounding almost lost. 'I knew you were there, and I tried . . .'

'You tried to hide your pain from me,' Severus finished for him, when it seemed he would not go on. 'But you don't have to do that anymore. I'm here for you, and you can let me know when you're hurt, or when you need help.' He paused. 'Like now.'

Harry blinked open his eyes and brought the towel up to clean his face of tears and mucus. He hadn't looked at Severus yet, not really. 'I'm sorry. I never meant for you to see that. Those . . . that stuff.'

'Don't.'

'Huh?'

Severus' rage flared like a living thing, and it was only the knowledge that a true display of his anger would likely frighten the boy more that kept his voice as even as it was. 'Don't you apologize for what they did. Ever. Not one damned thing that happened in that place was your fault, and I will not have you feeling that it was.'

'What about Nott?'

Severus managed -- just -- not to growl. 'Nott reacted poorly to a taunt. He almost killed you, and did maim you. And it was still not your fault. If you hadn't been there in the first place--'

'I would've died in bed.' The idea seemed to amuse Harry for some reason, and he pressed a hand to his face as a hard bark of laughter escaped. 'Wouldn't that'a been rich?'

Though he didn't quite trust this burst of humor, Severus nodded. 'Indeed. All the Dark Lord's hard work in attempting to kill you gone to waste.'

Harry laughed again, but tears once more coursed down his cheeks.

'Tell me what you're thinking,' Severus said.

With a shake of his head, Harry said anyway, 'He was really weird, don't you think?'

'Hm?'

'V-Voldemort. When he kept . . . coming in to chat and all that. I thought he just wanted to make sure I was fit for a true fight, but that wasn't it, was it?'

'No. I don't believe so.' A series of expressions crossed Harry's face, and Severus couldn't make heads or tails of a quarter of them. 'My belief is that he wanted to convince you, somehow, to join him, join his cause.'

'Well . . .' Harry set his jaw and swiped away the last few tears with the back of his hand. 'He kinda sucked at that.'

'Yes,' Severus agreed, not bothering to mention the points taken for 'kinda' and went on, 'Ever since he returned to his body he's been more . . .'

'Crazy?'

He gave Harry a brief smile. 'Crazy, yes, but I was thinking specifically that since his return he has a tendency to latch on to one idea to the exclusion of all else, until something happens to derail him. And then he picks up the new idea and runs with that one for a while. So, he thought he could turn you, but when we thwarted him, betrayed him in a way, he threw that idea out with the bathwater and determined to break you instead.'

'Which he could actually do.'

'Do you think so?' Severus asked.

'Break me?' Harry turned to him at last, brow furrowed over eyes red from crying. 'Duh.'

'No,' Severus told him, and realized this was probably the most important conversation that they were going to have this whole summer. And he also realized what he was about to say was the absolute truth, and that they both needed to believe it. 'You are not broken. Wounded, yes. Damaged and in pain, absolutely. But none of it is irreparable. You are still here.' He pointed a finger at Harry's chest, above his heart. And then at his head. 'And here. You still have a sense of humor, however twisted, and can laugh, and you can still enjoy flying on that blasted broom of yours. You read for pleasure, and look forward to seeing your friends again. You eat -- not enough, by my reckoning, but you do so -- and have managed to keep yourself showered and dressed every day. So hope is not lost.'

Harry's eyes held so much fear, mingled with hope, that it was all Severus could do not to gather him close and hold him to make the pain go away. But he knew the boy would not thank him for that.

'Yes, your recovery will continue to be hard. Yes, you have far yet to go. But make no mistake, you will get there, Harry. I promise you that.'

With a jerky nod, Harry murmured, 'Okay.'

'And we'll work on a better shield for your Occlumency than the stone.'