Abandon

I scrambled into the dark doorway as the alarm sounded. Vi, Saffediene, and Gunn squeezed in after me, and then we were all running blind.

* * *

Inside the dark, it’s harder to hide. No one can see me, which allows me to see myself clearly.

I see how I tricked Vi in the Goodgrounds. How I brainwashed her to carry that tracker. A ring. The symbol of love.

I do love her. I love her so much it hurts. In the dark, that lays exposed too.

I see how I left Jag. How I told him I had other things going on in my life so I couldn’t help his Resistance, when really I wanted to save my own skin. And get the girl.

I can’t lie in the dark. I quit the Resistance because I wanted Vi to myself. I knew that if I continued working for the Resistance, her father would get his hooks into her. I couldn’t risk her then.

I can’t now.

The darkness reveals it all.

The slow hammering of my heart. The quick gasps of my breath. The fear in my footsteps.

I can’t outrun myself in the dark. I’ve never been able to.

In the dark, I see how I helped Thane, even when I wasn’t 100 percent sure he was good. I’m still not sure if he’s on my side or with the Association. I hear my voice telling Vi dangerous lies. I see her glazed expression.

I see the adoration in her eyes, the adoration I don’t deserve.

That causes a crazy-lotta pain to gather in my limbs.

And then we reach the end of the tunnel, and I’m gasping, and Gunner’s talking, and Saffediene leads, and I take one look at Vi and see—

she knows.

She can see me. The real me. She knows what I’ve done for her, and she loves me for it. I want to hide from the emotion in her eyes. I’m afraid of its truth; I’m terrified that it still won’t be enough.

“Come on,” she says, gingerly lacing her fingers through mine. “Zenn, come on.”

I’d follow her to hell and back, and so I go.

Jag 7.

Leaving Vi with Zenn took every ounce of my self-control. Still, I’d charged him with her care, and even if he’d abandoned me once before, I knew he’d never do that to her. His sorry-I-can’t-help-you thing only seemed to apply to me.

And if the Enforcement Officers wanted me, the smartest thing to do was to separate myself from the others. That way no one would get hurt because of me.

I’d been separating myself for years.

Living in isolation had saved me countless times. Drawing on that independence forced me to learn how to survive.

Don’t think about how Irv went missing. Where could he be?

Don’t think about what the Greenies will do now that you won’t wear the implant. What would they try next?

Don’t think about seeing Mom and Dad die. Why did I beg to go to the market with them?

Don’t think about Blaze alone in the alley in Freedom. How could I have sent him on that mission?

Don’t think about enduring the endless flames of that dark capsule.

I shuddered, hot dread settling in my stomach. I would never feel a release from that heat. Never find a way to tell Vi about it.

Stop, I told myself in my most commanding voice. I definitely couldn’t think about where I’d been while Vi was in Freedom. It was why I hadn’t slept well in weeks.

Every time I shut my eyes, I was transported inside that capsule again. So I didn’t sleep very much.

I aimed my board toward the ground at a way-too-steep angle. The Enforcement Officers coming my way didn’t slow or change direction. And why would they? They didn’t have independent thought. They’d been told to take me out, and they wouldn’t stop until they did.

I didn’t want to draw further attention to myself, so I buried my voice and pulled my hood over my head. I could take these guys with just a hoverboard.

I wove through them, bumping off a body here and a helmet there. They couldn’t change direction as fast as I could, and I’d swooped past them before they realized I was even there.

Rise One loomed in front of me, but I cut a wide arc to the north, setting my sights on Rise Twelve. I wondered who was in charge now that Thane was gone. I wondered how much damage he’d done to the system I’d established years ago.

Could I have asked Zenn? Sure, but I didn’t trust him the way I used to.

Could I have asked Indy? Maybe if she wasn’t so busy punching my lights out.

I’d never trusted Thane as Director of Rise Twelve. Everything he’d done since I met him screamed Informant!

Then when I became the leader of the Resistance—and my brother Blaze died in the alley so close to Rise Twelve—I wasn’t sure I could ever believe Thane again.

Yet here I was, risking everything to save him.

I told myself it was because he held Resistance secrets the Association couldn’t have. With a determination I hadn’t felt in a long time, I descended to the roof of Rise Twelve.

I had exactly two seconds to breathe and only one foot on the ground when a group of people leapt up from behind a flower bed.

“Who are you?”

“What do you want?”

“Kick the board over here.”

I flipped my hood down. “Relax. I’m Jag Barque,” I said in my most authoritative voice.

They all stopped talking. One guy actually relaxed against a bench.

A girl a few years older than me recovered first. “That’s some voice you’ve got there.” She spoke in a cool tone that gave nothing away.

I shrugged. “Like I said, I’m Jag Barque.”

“The Jag Barque?” she asked. “Prove it.”

She wanted me to prove it? “Jump up on the wall there,” I said, and every person within hearing distance hopped onto the shallow wall that edged the roof. “Walk toward me.”

Their mechanical movements made me wince. “Okay, okay. Get down.”

They thumped to the safety of the roof. Slowly they came to their senses, watching me with curiosity burning in their eyes.

“I’m Jag Barque,” I repeated. “Leader of the Resistance. Do you need additional proof?”

“No,” the girl said, exchanging a nervous glance with the man next to her. She stepped forward. “I’m River.”

“What’s the status here?” I asked. “Who’s in charge of Twelve?”

“My father, Mason Isaacs, with Starr Messenger as his second.”