His words stab me in the heart a million times over. The bottle doesn’t save him. It saves me. And I wait for some kind of meltdown, but it doesn’t come. It’s there, though, simmering in a hole inside me that was carved with what I thought was his death.
In this instant, I seem to be in that zone of mine, that place my mind takes me when I’m least capable of handling reality and have to survive. I hand the note to Jared and calmly start rolling the other papers back up. Liam’s hand goes to my chin, pulling my gaze to his. “Nothing in that letter says he’s dead.”
“I know I--” Pain rips through my pelvic area and I hunch forward, forgetting the other two men to press my hand between my thighs. “Oh...Oh Liam.”
“What is it, baby? What is it?”
“Call Dr. Murphy. Call her now.” I grab the seat back Jared occupies and another cramp rips through my abdomen.
“Get her on the line now,” Liam is saying into the phone. “I don’t know where she’s at. Just get her.”
A damp sticky sensation forms between my legs and I look down to see blood seeping through my jeans. “No. No. This can’t be happening. No. Liam, no.” I turn to him. “I’m bleeding. I’m bleeding.”
Liam curses. “Get us to the hospital now.”
Jared curses and says, “What the fuck is going on back there?”
I hear Tellar say something to him, but I don’t know what, and really don’t care. Liam pulls me to him and I grab his shirt. “I got you, baby. I told you that. I got you.”
“This is why I didn’t want to be pregnant. I lose everyone.” My eyes burn but not nearly as much as my soul. “Everyone. I’ll lose you too if you stay with me.”
“You aren’t going to lose me,” he promises.
“But you can’t tell me I’m not losing the baby, can you?”
He caresses my hair. “Whatever happens, we’ll handle it together, baby.”
“Wrong answer.
I blink awake with a cramp and I hear Liam’s urgent voice asking, “Is the baby okay, doctor?”
I blink to find I’m in a hospital bed and a man with grey hair wearing blue scrubs is leaning over me. “I need to run some tests. If you could step out--”
“No.” I grab Liam’s hand. “No. I need him here.”
“I’m not going anywhere, baby.” He levels the doctor with a stare. “I’m staying.”
The doctor looks like he wants to argue but focuses on me instead. “How do you feel?”
“I’m still cramping and I think I’m still bleeding.”
He studies me intently. “Were you dizzy when you passed out?”
“I have...another condition,” I comment. “I black out.”
“Her doctor in New York is treating her for it.”
“Can we get her doctor on the phone?”
“I did better,” Liam says. “I have her on a plane headed here.”
The doctor looks startled. “You did what?”
“Dr. Murphy is coming here?”
“Yes. Anything to take care of you, Amy.” He glances at the doctor. “She’ll be several hours but I’ve arranged to have her call in from the plane the instant she’s airborne.”
“Very well,” the doctor says and he touches my arm. “In the meantime, we need to get you into a gown, and run some tests.”
“Does the bleeding mean I’m losing the baby?”
“Not always,” he assures me. “Let’s get those tests done and we’ll know more. When is your due date?”
“June.”
He grabs some kind of spinning calendar and says, “That puts you close to the 3-month mark. We’ll be able to check the heartbeat with some special equipment and do a pelvic exam. Have you had a sonogram?”
I shake my head. “No. No sonogram yet.”
“We’ll do one today. It’s painless and we’ll be able to tell a lot.” He glances at Liam. “I’ll be at the desk just outside when she’s ready.”
He steps out and pulls the curtain, and Liam leans in and kisses my forehead. “Maybe it’s just cramps,” I say hopefully.
“We’ll know soon,” he assures me, tugging my shirt over my head and then sliding the gown over my upper body. I still have on the oversized bra but I don’t care.
Next we remove my pants and when I see how much blood there is, as hard as I try to fight it, tears slip from my eyes. It’s too much blood to just be cramps. I know it is. Looking grim, Liam leans over me and grabs the intercom button, punching it and asking for help.
He swipes at my tears. “Hang in there, baby. We’re going to get through this.”
I cling to his hand for dear life, and looking into his eyes, I see his torment is mine, and while I wish him no pain ever, there is comfort in knowing he isn’t just present, but is as deeply wounded by what is happening as I am.
The nurse appears almost instantly and she places something underneath me and then buzzes the doctor. I grab Liam’s hand again and say, “You’re still not telling me it’s going to be okay.”
He caresses a lone tear from my cheek. “I’m supposed to be here for you even when it isn’t. I’m going to get the doctor.”
I nod and then I endure the pelvic exam but I stay hopeful when the cramps seem to have eased. “Well?” Liam asks before I can.
“Your cervix is dilated. That can be an indication of a miscarriage but let’s do the other testing first.”
I don’t have time to react to the news. A whirlwind of activity follows, through all of which I’m hurting, from heart monitoring to the sonogram, and the doctor and the nurse are incredibly hard to read. Finally, the doctor
