The Thing About Luck

asleep. I couldn’t believe my luck. I was going to sleep facing south the rest of my life.

It was nine thirty—not too late, I hoped, to go see Robbie. I went into the bathroom and remade my braids and splashed water on my face. I went to the kitchen and cut a beet in half and then touched it to my lips to make them red.

At the Parkers’ camper I knocked on the door, starting to feel a little nauseous from nerves.

When Robbie opened the door, he was in his pajamas. He seemed surprised to see me. “I thought you weren’t coming,” he said, yawning. “Come on in.” We sat on a little couch, our bodies touching. “Awww, man, harvest season is hard work.”

“Really,” I said. Another brilliant response. I tried to do better. “I wish I could just hang around with my friends all summer instead.”

“Yeah,” he said distractedly. Then he casually reached his arm around my shoulder. Ack! I just about had heart failure. “You have cool hair.”

“Thank you.” I could hardly get the words out because I was so nervous.

“Your grandparents seem nice,” he said. “Do they ever get really mad at you?” Robbie changed the subject a lot. He also seemed to never stop shaking one of his legs, as if he were impatient to get somewhere else.

“Umm,” I said. I realized that as much as Obaachan and I disagreed, she never seemed really mad at me. I don’t know why she acted the way she acted. But it wasn’t really anger. “Not so much,” I answered. “I mean, only when I fight with my brother. He has some ... problems. I mean, one problem, which is his really bad temper. He gets furious and tries to hurt himself. But it’s not his fault.” That was a long paragraph, and I felt really pleased with myself.

“Whose fault is it?”

I didn’t really believe it was my parents’ fault. I didn’t know whose fault it was.

“Sometimes it’s mine,” I said. At least that was what my mother once said when she was mad at me. “My mother says I need to be gentle with him.”

“I like to be gentle,” Robbie said, and he suddenly leaned over and kissed me. I was so shocked, I made a little noise. I didn’t know what to do with my lips. Should I just make them into a kissing shape and not move them? And if I did move them, what exactly should I do? One thing I knew was not to hold them hard like the Rock of Gibraltar.

As I was thinking all this, Robbie suddenly stopped. “I have to get to bed because I need to get up early and clean the combines.” He yawned again. “I’ll kiss you again tomorrow,” he added, almost as if he was bored. I wondered if boys generally let you know ahead of time that they’re going to kiss you. “I’ll teach you how.”

Oh no! That meant I hadn’t done it right. On the other hand—yay! He was going to kiss me again!

He stood up and walked with me to the door. “See ya,” he said, and closed the door.

I stood there, my hands shaking when I held them out in front of me. “These are my hands,” I said, just to ground myself. “This is me.”

I couldn’t move. I turned to stare at his door and replay the last few minutes in my head. Sometimes my friends and I talked about kissing, but so far, it had only been talk. Still, around the time I was leaving, the girls and boys in my class had started to notice one another in a new way. I wondered if this was part of the change my mother said was coming. Maybe I didn’t have to spend the summer at home to experience this change. If I had a phone, I could call Melody and talk to her. I made a mental note to sneak out with Obaachan’s cell phone one day.

When I got back to our camper, I expected to be lectured by Obaachan for being gone, but my luck was still holding because she was still asleep. Jaz was awake, though. He didn’t seem mad anymore. He never stayed mad for long. I went to the bathroom and put on a long T-shirt. When I got to the bedroom, I felt my way through the dark.

“Where were you?” Jaz asked softly.

“Robbie’s,” I answered quietly.

“Does he like you? Did he kiss you?”

I swear, sometimes I thought he had ESP that he’d inherited from our grandmother.

“MYOB,” I told him. But I felt giddy.

“I’ll take that as a yes. I think it would make me throw up to kiss you.” He didn’t say that in a mean way. He was just stating a fact.

“That’s because you’re my brother. It could be I did kiss him, but I’m not going to tell you. And don’t talk so loud—I don’t want Obaachan to wake up.”

“Summer? Seriously.”

“What?”

“What will happen when I grow up?” he said.

“What do you mean?”

“Will I have friends? Will I have a job? Am I too much of a weirdo?”

I paused. Once in a while he’d just abruptly ask me questions like these. It all revolved around the fact that he didn’t have friends. For a moment I couldn’t think of a thing to say. Then he said, “I’m sad.”

Ohhh. I felt a rush of love for my brother. “Your life won’t be sad,” I said. “I’m positive.”

I saw a luna moth the size of my hand on the window. I couldn’t tell if it was inside or outside. It was so graceful, more like an exotic leaf than an insect. Luna moths did not feed because they had no mouths, so the one I was looking at would be dead soon. What a crazy world!

“Why do you think that?” Jaz asked.

I couldn’t really help him much because I had never been a grown-up, so I didn’t know what it would be like. Finally, I said, “Sometimes you’ll be happy and sometimes you’ll be sad, just like anyone.”

“But I’ll be more sad than happy, won’t I? Just like now.”

Then I had a brainstorm. “With you, it won’t matter if you’re happy or sad. You’ll just be intense, like you are now, and then your life will be perfect.”

He thought that over. “I’ll accept that for now.”

What was that supposed to mean? Sometimes he seemed like a complicated adult instead of a little boy. I thought about it some more. He was kind of unplaceable, actually, neither young nor old.

I climbed up to my second-level bunk and Thunder leapt up with me.

Obaachan said, “I never go to sleep.”

“What?” I nearly tumbled off the mattress.

“I never go to sleep. I no need.”

She was trying to tell me she had heard the whole conversation. So be it. I fell asleep.

I think we all slept lightly until Jiichan came in. I heard the squeak of his feet on the kitchen linoleum, and that small noise woke me. I didn’t know what time it was. “Hi, Jiichan,” Jaz and I both said.

“You two up still?”

“I was thinking about life,” Jaz said. “I’m in your bed.”

It was very dark, but I heard the sound of Jiichan climbing into the other second-level bed without changing. “I tell you a story about life, and then you go to sleep. When I live in Wakayamaken, I get lost. I walk, but I think of school instead of think of walk. Then I don’t know where I am. Everywhere is mandarin orange farm. Which way to go? It starting to be night. I see stars. I finally walk to farmhouse. I knock on door. Biggest man I ever see answer door. Mean face. I think he want to eat me, and I run away. I spend night outside, sleeping with oranges. My parents find me next day. They say school number one important, but even number one you don’t have to think of all the time. When you walk, think of walk. Oyasumi.”

“Oyasuminasai, Jiichan.”

CHAPTER TWELVE

The next afternoon the temperature hit 103 degrees. It was also grocery shopping day, but Obaachan said I had to stay home to study and also to take care of my brother. Jaz didn’t have to do anything at all because he was still sick. But he was bored, so I read him A Separate Peace.