their faces. “Well, if we get lots and lots of pasta and cheese, I don’t see why not.”
The guys let out cheers and I couldn’t help but smile as they started talking all at once again. Then my smile faded as reality set in.
I had to cook for
Chapter Ten
Vincent
Routine. Stability. Love. Those were things that I wasn’t used to.
Chaos. Resentment. Indifference. They were words better used to describe how I lived.
Yet as Estella’s fingers dug into my jacket and the side of her head pressed into my back, it was starting to dawn on me that she had brought routine, stability, and love into my home without me even realizing it.
It had taken an ordinary, average day like this one for me to even realize what had happened.
As usual, I’d picked her up from the library and now we were on our way back to my house so she could tutor Dylan and get started on dinner for us. The boys had been so impressed with her cooking mac and cheese the other night, they’d wanted to come over for dinner again, but I’d let them know that Estella cooking for them wasn’t going to be a regular thing.
Things had to be kept under control. I couldn’t let Estella become a familiar thing. I couldn’t let everyone form attachments with her, because she wasn’t a sure thing. She could up and leave at any time.
That thought made me grip the handles tighter as I turned into the long, dusty road that led to the house. If Estella left for good, it would devastate Dylan. It was too late for him—he’d already formed an attachment with her; he already loved her.
Even I’d been affected by her. I was wrestling with these feelings that were growing daily; that increased the more time I spent around her. This wasn’t a girl I just wanted to screw; I wanted to make her smile the way she made everyone around her smile. The way she made me smile.
But I shouldn’t want that. I shouldn’t want to do that for her. Ryder would hate the feelings that were awakening inside of me. He’d call me weak. He’d call me a pussy. But for some reason I didn’t care. This was something he would never understand.
And for whatever reason I wanted to make her smile. I wanted to make her smile for real. I wanted to be that person and I didn’t even know why.
I pulled into the driveway out the front of the house and felt a twinge of disappointment as Estella released me and climbed off. I really wouldn’t have cared if she’d held on for a bit longer.
She turned to me, her eyes bright as she handed me the helmet. “I never thought I’d ever say that I enjoyed riding on a bike.”
“Really?” I turned off the engine and hopped off the bike, placing the helmet on the seat. “If you ever want to learn how to ride one, I can teach you.”
“Oh, no.” Estella laughed nervously, shaking her head so that her long honey brown hair spilled around her shoulders like waves. “I’m not that adventurous. It just feels good to close my eyes and escape. I like holding onto you as you drive.” Suddenly she stopped, her cheeks turning a cute shade of pink. “Oh, um, I mean, by holding onto you I meant-”
A laugh escaped me as I leaned in closer to her, tilting my head so that her lips were inches away from mine. “It’s okay to be attracted to me. You’re only human.”
Estella gaped at me, her cheeks turning an even darker shade of pink that made me smile. “I-uh-that’s not it at all.” She took a deep breath as though to compose herself before speaking again. “Are you staying for Dylan’s lesson today?”
“Nah, I’m gonna meet up with the boys.”
“He’d like to have you there with him.” I didn’t like the disappointment in her tone; it made me feel guilty.
“Yeah, I know.” My eyes searched hers, and all I wanted to do was to bring a smile onto her face. An idea scratched at the edge of my mind. “Has Dil shown you the creek yet?”
“No, he hasn’t, but don’t go changing the subject. You should really-”
“Well, come on then, I’ll show you.” I grabbed her by the hand and began pulling her along with me. “It’s just down through those trees. You can hear it if you sit up on the porch.”
“Don’t think that this is the last you’ve heard of this topic,” Estella warned from behind me.
“I didn’t think it would be.” For some reason I was laughing as she fell into step beside me. Estella’s hand was still in mine as we headed down the gravelly path that slithered through the trees and to the creek.
My brothers and I had built a small wooden dock a few years back and restored an old boat that Three’s granddad had given us. It now sat tied to the dock, swaying back and forth in the shallow water. We never took it out on the creek because the last time we’d tried, it’d started filling up with water so we’d fixed it up again and just left it floating there.
“Oh, you have a boat!” Estella said, as the clearing with the dock came into view.
“Yeah, you like it?” I asked, reluctantly releasing her hand as she moved ahead of me.
She turned back to me; her eyes were so bright, it was like an overflowing glass of whiskey. The smile that lit up her face was actually genuine. “It’s so beautiful here, Vincent.”
“Yeah, it’s not too bad.”
“It’s amazing.” Estella was moving toward the dock, speaking at the same time, unable to contain the excitement in her voice. I followed close behind her, in absolute awe that this was the only time I’d ever brought a girl down here without any intention of sleeping with her.
Really, I wasn’t thinking about sleeping with her. I mean, yeah, I couldn’t help but admire the curve of her ass in the fitted jeans she was wearing. It was one of the only times I’d seen her not wearing long, flowing skirts or baggy jeans that gave no shape to her body. Even her cream colored sweater was a little tighter than the ones she usually wore. But it wasn’t even crossing my mind to press her up against a tree, wrap her legs around me, and bang her.
Well, until now. I was a guy after all.
Shaking my thoughts away, I focused on the back of her head as I stepped onto the dock. “We used to bring Dylan down here a lot when he was younger. He loved playing in the water.”
“You came with your parents?” Estella asked, turning her head and watching me carefully.
“No, we don’t have parents.” My tone was harsh but I didn’t really care. It was the truth.
Estella’s eyes grew wide and she chewed on her bottom lip. “Oh, but Dylan said something about your mom leaving…”
“Our mom is a good-for-nothing whore who doesn’t give a damn about any one of us. She slept around with a bunch of guys but somehow managed to have the three of us with one guy. Dylan’s dad is someone else.” I sounded a lot angrier than I’d meant to. “Ryder raised us; he’s the only parent we’ve ever known.”
Instead of shrinking away like I’d expected her to, Estella’s expression softened and she moved closer to me. “I’m so sorry, Vincent.” Her tone was gentle as she laid a hand on my forearm. “I know what that’s like. My mother left us too. Being abandoned makes you feel like somehow you’re not good enough, but that’s not true. The ones who left aren’t good enough.”
I was frozen; I couldn’t move. The way she studied me made me feel like I could tell her everything and she would know how to fix it all. Just that small gesture of placing her hand on my arm suddenly made me feel weightless, like somehow she was taking away all the negatives in my life.
No girl had ever looked past more than just my looks or wanted to have more than a quick thrill of being with a Madden. Why was Estella so different? Why was she nothing like I’d ever experienced before?
“Ryder’s your eldest brother?” she asked when I didn’t say anything.
I hadn’t even realized I’d been silent for so long. “Yeah, he stepped up and took care of us. Now I’m trying to do the same for Dylan.”
Estella moved away from me, and I was once again left feeling disappointed. She moved towards the edge of the dock, peering over the edge at the water. “I can tell how much you care about him. He absolutely adores
