“I really do have feelings for you, Stelle,” he said once I started up the car and began heading towards Penthill. “I don’t know what it is about you. Maybe it’s everything. Yeah, I think it’s just everything about you. You light up everything around you and all I want to do is be around that light all the time. I want to be around
Vincent sounded sincere enough, but I’d dealt enough with drunken men in my life to know that you couldn’t believe everything they told you. I maintained a stony silence and focused on the road ahead. Vincent was quiet for a long while, and when I glanced over at him, he’d fallen asleep.
With a sigh, I let my thoughts cloud my mind. It wasn’t that I didn’t feel the same way about Vincent. It wasn’t that at all. But I wanted to hear these things from him when he was sober. And then there was a part of me that he knew nothing about and that I wasn’t ready to tell him about yet.
I realized that I had feelings for Vincent—very strong feelings—but he didn’t need me in his life. I came with too many problems of my own.
Vincent
If you really liked a girl, don’t be stupid and wait until you’re drunk to tell her how you felt.
I’d woken up to Estella shaking me and telling me that we were home, but all I knew was that I was a little drunk and I’d said stupid, cheesy shit to Estella that I probably wouldn’t normally say.
I guess I’d fallen asleep on the ride over here which was why a little of the alcohol had worn off. My head still felt hazy though, kind of like I was seeing the world through a tangled web.
My feet hit the ground and I staggered a little but managed to stay upright. Estella grabbed onto my arm and helped me up the front steps and through the door. I was trying to focus and pull my thoughts together, but all my mind was fixated on was how close Estella was to me and how desperately I wanted to kiss her.
“Are you gonna say anything?” I asked, pulling my arm from her and watching as she turned on the light in the hall.
“What do you want me to say, Vincent?” Estella’s voice was calm, but there was disappointment laced through it. “I’ve told you before that what you’re doing isn’t right. You need to stop this. If you really care about your brother, you have to change for him.”
“I do want to change for him!” I said, slamming the door shut so loud that the house shook. “What do you think I’ve been trying to do the last few weeks?”
Estella barely flinched as she stared me down. “I don’t know what you’ve been trying to do, Vincent! You’re so drunk right now; I don’t even know what to think!”
Something inside me snapped and I pushed her against the wall, locking her in with my arms. My heart was pumping in my head, and there was a surge in my chest and a thrill from being this close to her.
“Think this.” I brought my mouth close to hers. “I’m trying to change for Dylan. And I’m trying to change for you.”
“For me?” Disbelief flitted across her face. “You’ve been nothing but a complete jerk to me.”
“I don’t know how to act around you,” I admitted. “You’re different.”
“That’s your reasoning.” Anger rose in her voice. “I’m different so you ignore me and avoid me? You know what? I don’t want to hear this right now, Vincent. Maybe tell me all this when the alcohol’s not doing all the talking for you.”
Estella made a move to push me away, but I held my ground, pressing my hands into her cool skin. “I need you, Estella.” The words feel out of my mouth before I even knew I was saying them. “I need you to stay here with me.”
My eyes clashed with hers. There was something raging in hers, like a battle was playing out in her mind about her feelings for me and she didn’t want to let them win.
The surging in my chest rushed through my ears and filled up my head with a strange buzzing. Probably some of it was the alcohol screwing with me, but I knew most of it was the way I felt about Estella.
Yeah, I’d been a total jerk to her for most of the time I’d know her, but I didn’t know any other way. Women had been in and out of my life and screwed it up so completely that it was hard to let her in.
But I wanted to. Desperately. Because she made things better. She made me better. I was a better person for knowing her.
Now I just needed to convince her of that.
I paused, and Estella tensed, ready to bolt the minute I released her. Then I lowered my voice and loosened my hold, gently massaging the place where I’d grabbed her. “Stay with me. Stay with me tonight. Don’t leave me.”
Estella was silent for so long that I was certain she was going to turn around and walk out of my house, leaving me forever. I couldn’t blame her if she did.
Instead, she nodded. “I’ll stay with you.”
Shock hit me hard in the chest. I hadn’t expected her to stay with me. I didn’t know what had made her agree to stay with me—maybe she just didn’t want to argue with a drunken idiot like me—or maybe a part of her was starting to admit that she had feelings for me. Either way, I wasn’t complaining whatever her reasons were.
“Come on.” I took her by the arm gently and led her down the hall, past Dylan’s room, to where mine was located right at the end.
This house wasn’t much to look at, but me and my brothers had done our best to fix it up over the years and had expanded it so that we had a lot more room. My room was one of the new rooms we’d built, and it stretched across almost half the back of the house with a window view of the trees that surrounded the creek.
I didn’t bother turning on the light; I just led Estella right to my bed and pulled back the covers, waiting for her to get in. She hesitated for a few seconds, but finally slid into the bed.
Taking a deep breath and telling my hormones to keep themselves under control, I slid in beside her and pulled the covers over us. It was a cold night and I could feel her shaking beside me, so I wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close.
When she didn’t fight me and relaxed against me, I let out a breath and planted a kiss on her forehead. We lay there in the silence, both of us wide awake, but neither of us saying anything. It was a comfortable silence; nothing needed to be said. We weren’t going to have sex; I just needed her with me.
It’d been a long time since I’d had a girl in my bed without having sex with her, but that’s not what I wanted to do with Estella right now. All I wanted was to be close to her, so she knew that, yeah, I was drunk; I was stupid, but I cared about her more than she could understand.
Finally, when the silence became too much for me, I spoke. “I meant everything I said tonight.”
“I know.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Estella
Even though Vincent and I hadn’t had sex last night, I felt like I was doing the walk of shame when I left his bedroom the next morning and walked to the kitchen.
If you asked me why I’d decided to stay the night with him and sleep in the same bed, I honestly couldn’t tell you. Maybe it was because I did have strong feelings for him, or maybe it was because he had sounded completely genuine about everything he’d said to me last.
Whatever my reasons were, I’d made my choice. I’d chosen to stay with him. And you know what? I’d actually liked it. I’d liked being close to him and holding him, and running my fingers over the taut muscles of his stomach.
I’d liked that he hadn’t tried to make a move on me even though he’d been drunk and could easily overpower me. Most of all, I liked that I could trust him.
The delicious smell of bacon and eggs frying wafted in from the kitchen, and when I stepped inside, I found Vincent and Dylan standing at the stove.
“Um, good morning,” I said, suddenly feeling shy.
