Stroke Of Fear

better not be Austin. I shut my tailgate and peek around a large, oak tree. Some guy has a girl pressed against a tree. I clear my throat, and they both stagger backwards.

   “Eric?”

   He throws his head up. “Sup? Didn’t see you standing there. You know Cassie?”

   I lift a brow and watch as her face turns red. “Right. I thought you were two damn kids. Why don’t you get a room?”

   Eric smiles and wraps an arm around Cassie, who is still staring at the ground. “We like the outdoors. It’s…thrilling.”

   “Right. Well, don’t let me disturb you,” I say, gesturing for them to continue.

   Cassie pulls on Eric’s arm. “I think I’m going to go back to my room.”

   Eric furrows his brow then it hits him. “Sure, I’ll walk you. See you in a bit, Tanner.”

   I wave them off and roll my eyes. I pull my tailgate back down and grab my fishing pole. I have a break tomorrow during the day, and I’m pretty sure I want to fish a little. I haven’t been in a couple of months, and it would be nice to relax. Not think about anything in particular.

   My phone vibrates in my pocket and I pull it out. “Hello.”

   “Hi, baby,” my mother’s songlike voice says from the other end. I hear some popcorn popping the background. I’m sure she sitting down to watch the ID channel with some popcorn before she goes to bed.

   “Hi, Mom. What’s up?”

   “Just calling to make sure y’all got settled in, okay. Is Austin there? Is he behavin’?”

   I slide off the tailgate and shut it. “What do you think?”

   She sighs. “Can you try to keep him in line? I wish he was down here with me, I’d do it myself.”

   That’s for damned sure. Since Austin’s dad is the biggest asshole known to man, he didn’t stop until he had custody of Austin. Money goes a long way. If Austin had grown up with us in Arkansas, he wouldn’t act like he doesn’t have any sense. He’d be a man. Know how to talk to a damn lady.

   “You there, baby?”

   “I’m here, Momma. Just getting my fishing pole ready for tomorrow. I have a break in my schedule.”

   “That’s great. How are you likin’ the camp? I know you were havin’ trouble adapting up there. You can always come back.”

   “I love the camp. It’s a lot like home. And you know I can’t come back. It’s too…” I trail off into silence, letting the cricket’s song finish my sentence.

   “Tanner. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about all of this. I know her dying was a lot on you. It was a lot on everyone. But, it’s okay to move on. It’s okay to look for someone else. It’s almost been a year—”

   I screw my eyes shut and hold onto the top of my tailgate, looking down at my boots. “Stop, Momma. I don’t want to talk ‘bout it, please.”

   “I’m just worried about you. You moved out there all by yourself—”

   “I’m not by myself. I’m with David. I’m with family.”

   She huffs. “You know better. Stop interrupting me. I’m worried about you. You haven’t been the same since it happened. You may want to think about seeing a counselor. Someone to talk to?”

   Fuck. I don’t want to talk to anyone. Not Momma. Not Austin. Not David. No one. I want to drown myself in alcohol and erase the pain. “I’ll think about it,” I lie.

   She is quiet for a long while on the other end. “Okay. I’m going to go watch some TV before bed. Please, get some rest. Go kiss a girl. Screw her, son! I don’t care. Just…please live again.” She hangs up without even a goodbye.

   Pain erupts from my chest, and I throw my phone as hard as I can. It crashes somewhere in the grass off to the side of my truck. Bending over, I try to catch my breath with my hands on my knees.

   Why did she even have to bring it up? I’d promised myself I’d keep it locked away. Away from anyone that could see it.

   Rubbing my hands over my face, I straighten up. The dull ache in my chest is growing, consuming me like it used to. “Goddamn,” I mumble. Her brown eyes. Her tanned skin. Fuck. I slam my hands against my pickup.

   I stomp toward the cab of my truck and open the glove box. The small flask is shoved under my insurance papers. I stick it in my back jeans pocket and slam the door. Snapping up my fishing pole, I start back toward my cabin.

   The lights are off in all of the cabins except for ours. The sound of the TV is light from the outside. Eric’s back already. Must have been a quickie.

   Eric is splayed on his bed when I walk in. He pops his head up to get a better look at me. His hair is wet and I don’t even want to know why. “Where you been?” He wiggles his eyebrows.

   I snort. “Talking to my mom.”

   “Not sexy, bro.”

   I stash my fishing pole underneath my bed. “I wasn’t tryin’ to be, bro.”

   “What’s up your ass?”

   I fist my shirt and pull it over my head. Tossing the flask on my bed, I slide out of my shoes. “I’m just tired. I need to go to sleep.”

   Eric eyes the flask on my bed. “Is that going to help you sleep?”

   I set my jaw, turning to face him.

   “Sorry,” Eric says in surrender. “I’m not going to tell. But do you want to talk about it? I mean…I can listen.”

   I shake my head. “No.”

   Eric stares at me for a second before turning back toward his TV. Grabbing my flask, I walk back to our small shower and lock the door. I turn the shower on and wait until it heats up, then I strip. The mirror is starting to fog, but I can see my face through it. That’s how my life feels. I’m here, just masked by the pain. I know it’s time to let go, but it’s easier said than done. With flask in hand, I step into the scorching water. It feels like heaven on my skin. It feels real. It hurts, but I know I’m still here. I haven’t felt anything since I touched Aubrey. It scares me. Her soft flesh against mine, even dying she looked amazing. The cloth of her T-shirt fit just right to her tits, showing me every curve of her body. A body that made me feel alive. I wanted to cover that body with my own and lick every inch.

   Tipping the flask back, I swallow a gulp of hard liquor. I don’t even remember what I put in here. My adrenaline races through me. All I can see is her. Not Amanda. Not the girl I loved. Not the one that death stole from me. But Aubrey. The girl I meet two days ago. The girl I saved. The girl who hasn’t left my thoughts.

   Pressing my face against the shower wall, I wrap my hand around my dick. The pain is haunting me. You shouldn’t be doing this. Not to another girl. But, I can’t help it. I stroke myself up and down, imagining her full lips wrapped around me, taking me in her throat—the moans I can imagine her letting out as her nails dig into me.

   Goddamn. Every cell in my body seems to be on edge. I want her. Need her. Why? I have no fucking idea. She slapped the shit out of me, and I want it again. I want her flustered. Underneath me. Only two fucking days and I want her.

   My release comes a few minutes later, washing down the drain. Once I grab my flask from the side, I down the rest of the cool brown liquid.

   “Get it together, Tanner,” I rasp. “Get it the fuck together.”

Chapter Five

Aubrey

“Well, we now know that breakfast is beast. All the bacon you can eat,” Cassie says, kicking up a tornado of dust with her shoe. “So, you have canoeing with Jake…” she trails off. She doesn’t need to say anything else. I know what’s she’s getting at.