wear one.”
His eyes dropped from mine to the rumpled sheets. “Fuck,” he cursed under his breath. After a long silent moment, Ben went into the bathroom, leaving me alone on the bed, giving me time to cool off and think. Neither of which were good. I just wanted to lose myself in the moment and not be reminded of all the crappiness of the past couple of months.
I lay still, trying to quiet my thoughts, to silence the doubts rushing in. I was already falling back into him, pulled into his bubble, consumed and unable to walk away. And I couldn’t regret that. This is exactly where I wanted to be.
He emerged a minute later carrying a box of condoms. He met my eyes and I knew he could read my reluctance. I was sure it was written all over my face. Perhaps jumping into bed with him was the exact wrong thing to do. I’d once told him that starting off a relationship with sex would never work. It needed to be built on something stronger in order to last. But the scent of his skin and the way that he touched me was almost enough to make me forget any and all rules. He was too tempting.
He approached the side of the bed then paused, waiting for my lead.
My brain, now working a bit more clearly, knew that this wasn’t the solution. I couldn’t fall into bed with him so easily again and expect our steamy hot sex to blossom into a real, trusting relationship. I lifted my chin and met his eyes. “
“There’s no
The haunted man I’d grown to care so much about stared back at me. I didn’t argue.
“I think we should take things slow,” I murmured, a statement made all the more awkward by the fact that we were both naked.
“Fuck going slow. I love you. I’m in love with you, and I need you. I’m going to spend every day showing you just how much you mean to me. I’m not letting you go without a fight this time. We belong together.”
Rather than answering him, I tugged the sheet up around my naked chest, hugging it to my body as I maneuvered from the bed to stand before him. “I need to call Ellie. She was expecting me at our apartment.”
Ben stepped closer, but I continued past him, silently grabbing my jeans from the floor and tugging them on.
After dressing, I dug my phone out of my purse and discovered I’d missed six phone calls from Ellie and three texts. The last was:
I stepped out into the living room and stood near the floor-length windows to return her call.
“Emmy, where the hell are you? I checked your flight—it landed on time. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” I was reluctant to admit I’d come home with Ben. He was firmly at the top of Ellie’s
Ben’s mouth tightened into a line and he shook his head.
“Where the hell are you?” Ellie’s worried tone pulled my eyes away from Ben’s.
“I’m, uh, at Ben’s.”
“What the fuck are you doing there? Better yet, let me grab my pitchfork and I’ll join you.”
“Ellie. I can’t just walk away from him.” Even as I said it, I knew it didn’t explain anything.
“Okay . . .” She paused. “I’m listening.”
I pulled in a deep breath and held it for a moment before releasing it slowly. “We’re talking. I’ll call you in a bit. Don’t worry about me, okay?”
“I just miss you.”
“I know. I miss you, too. See you soon, all right?”
Ellie mumbled her good-bye, and I could tell she was clearly not happy with me. I’d have some friendship mending to do later. Not only had I moved out suddenly last month, but I’d sort of been bad about picking up the phone when she’d called, too. I’d just retreated into myself while in Tennessee. Sleeping a lot, gardening with my mom, and eating plenty of home cooking, enough to offset the obligatory five-pound weight loss I’d experienced when I first got there. Stuffing the phone back into my purse, I could still feel Ben watching me.
“Come sit.” He motioned me toward the sofa and I joined him, being sure to keep plenty of space between us. “Are you hungry? I could order out.”
I shook my head. “I’m fine.” It was late evening, and though I hadn’t eaten dinner, food was the last thing on my mind. I was still spinning over what had just happened in his bedroom. I’d basically freaked out when I remembered he’d been inside Fiona. Maybe I shouldn’t blame him so much—he’d been passed out drunk according to him, but he’d still comforted her, let her spend the night. I shook my head to clear the thought.
“Where were you flying in from today?” I asked, suddenly remembering he was at the airport.
“I had a shoot in Miami.”
Oh. He didn’t say if Fiona was there with him, and I wasn’t about to ask. We were talking, making progress. I didn’t want to shut that down just yet.
“I’m sorry if I pushed you too fast . . .” His eyes wandered to his bedroom door and a shiver raced down my spine.
“It wasn’t your fault. I wasn’t thinking clearly, either. It’s just . . . been so long . . .”
He laced his fingers with mine and gave my palm a squeeze. “Talk to me, baby.”
My shoulders relaxed a little, the stiff posture I’d been holding easing. “It’s just going to take me some time.” I didn’t add that I wasn’t sure we could ever get back what we had, though the thought filtered through my mind.
“I’ve got time. We’ll take as long as you want.” He lifted my hand to his mouth and pressed a tender kiss to my palm. “I’ll wait as long as you need.”
I realized that Ben and I had rushed right into the physical. Again. I had so much to figure out—where we stood, where I was going to work. . . . I needed to sort things out before I could rush back into this.
“I need to go slow.” My voice was firm, and I silently patted myself on the back.
“Slow?” he asked.
“Like, we’ll date . . . and wait to have sex. . . .”
“Waiting . . .” His eyebrows lifted. “Hmm . . . that’s
He’d never waited for sex in his life, that I was sure of. He could have any girl he wanted dropping her panties in a matter of minutes.
“What, you don’t like the idea?” I asked.
“If it’s what you want, I will do it. Gladly.”
I nodded. Good. “It’s what I need.”
“Will you sleep over?”
I chewed on my bottom lip. “I don’t know, Ben . . .” It probably wasn’t the best idea.
“Just sleep. I won’t touch you unless you ask me. Please.”
He looked tired—exhausted, really—and it felt selfish to say no when I knew sleeping beside me worked wonders for his insomnia. Besides, it wasn’t as though I actually wanted to leave. Curling up in his bed, breathing in his scent, feeling warm and secure in his arms sounded fabulous.
“Okay,” I acquiesced.
“Okay?” A lazy smile overtook his face.
I returned his smile and placed my hand in his. Ben pulled me from the couch and guided me back to his bedroom, the room where things had grown too heated just a few moments before.
Ben carried my suitcase into his room, and I sent a text to Ellie telling her I’d see her in the morning. I fished out my toiletry bag then joined him in the bathroom where we brushed our teeth side by side at the dual vanity. Ben cast glances at me in the mirror. I liked being in his space. It felt domestic and very normal after everything we’d been through.
Back in his room, I knelt on the floor in front of my suitcase to locate some pajamas. My mom had insisted on washing everything before I packed so I didn’t arrive back in New York with my luggage full of dirty laundry. I pulled out a pair of navy silk sleep shorts and a pink tank and saw Ben frowning as he emerged from the master
