Fifteen Minutes

The camera would pick up every missed hour of rest when filming began in the morning. But she wasn’t tired. Nothing the tapes could tell her would change the fact.

She would survive, but tonight her heart was breaking. Not just for the loss of Michael Manning; for all the losses of a lifetime. For the dreams she and Cal had shared and the hope that had been at the center of their lives. She’d lost at love long before tonight.

Her eyes opened and without too much thought she checked her e-mail again.

She had two new letters from her dad and several from her manager. Nothing from Cal. Lately he seemed intent on going through Rudy Smith in his quest for reconciliation.

There were requests for donations and appearances and endorsements. Communication that should’ve gone through Rudy’s office. But people found her. If they could bypass her manager, they figured they’d be that much closer to getting what they wanted. Kelly forwarded them all to Rudy without opening a single one.

Next she opened the oldest one from her manager—dated three days ago, the morning Kelly and the other judges boarded a plane for L.A. Back when she thought her life was perfect. The first two were requests. Rudy passed on only the ones that stood a chance of getting her attention. A celebrity golf tournament in Palm Springs a year out. The event organizer was willing to pay her half a million dollars to be the spokesperson. And a request to sing on the Grammys. Both an easy yes, and Kelly quickly tapped out her response.

Rudy’s final e-mail was longer. We’ve been over this, he wrote. Cal wants to talk to you. He says you made a promise all those years ago before God. He won’t sign the papers. At this point I have to recommend the two of you meet to talk. Otherwise things are at a standstill.

Kelly closed the e-mail and gripped the countertop. Were the walls closing in or did the room just feel that way? Michael might be out of her life, but she wasn’t going back to Cal. He’d made a mockery of her and their marriage. She’d done the same to him. There was no going back.

Finally she opened the e-mails from her father. The oldest one first. Her defenses stood a mile high as she started to read.

My darling Kelly, the letter began. She blinked. His words wouldn’t trick her. The man was critical and judgmental. He never took her side when life got tough. She kept reading.

I haven’t been well lately. Lots of doctor appointments. But even so, with every breath I pray for you. The person you are—the one you really are inside—is lost right now. But God is chasing you, Kelly. I’ve prayed that the world you’re choosing will let you down. And once it does that you will see that God never has.

Tears fell on Kelly’s jeans. What was this? Why was she crying? She dabbed lightly beneath her eyes and blinked so she could see more clearly. Be strong, she told herself. Daddy is narrow-minded. He doesn’t understand. But no matter how she steeled herself against his words, her dad’s voice echoed in her mind. She kept reading.

My daughter, fame is a demanding lover. But fame is an illusion. Come back home, baby girl. Where you belong. We can sit next to each other in the front room and talk about you. The real you. I love you. Cal loves you, too. We’ve had the kids at our house this week. They know you’re busy, but they talk about you all the time. I tell them to pray for you. That’s what we’ll keep doing until you come back around. Your mother may write to you in the next day or so.

Love you lots,

Daddy

More tears slid down her cheeks. Kelly didn’t bother wiping them away. Her father didn’t understand her life, her situation. But she couldn’t deny the fact that he still loved her. She moved on to the other e-mail from her father, sent a day after the first one. As soon as she opened it, she saw it wasn’t from her daddy. It was from her mother. Her heart rate quickened.

Dear Kelly, it’s been a long time.

Kelly glanced out the darkened window, guarding herself against the guilt trip certainly coming. Her mother hadn’t talked to her since she and Cal split up. Her dad kept trying, but not her mom. The two had gotten into a fight the last time her mom called, and that was it. Kelly might not agree with her father, but here in the quiet of her own heartbreak she could at least acknowledge his effort. Since her breakup she could feel her mother’s disapproval in the silence and now in the opening words of her e-mail. Kelly exhaled slowly. My mother’s rejection is leaving my body. It can’t hurt me. The pain remained. She kept reading.

Your father is sick, Kelly. Very sick.

Kelly slid to the edge of her seat. What was this? How come no one had said anything sooner? Her mouth felt dry as she continued.

Your daddy was diagnosed with cancer of the liver a year ago. He didn’t want you to know. If you came back around he wanted it to be by your own choice, not because he was sick. Besides, you know your father. He thought he could fight it. The doctor saw him yesterday, and the truth is he doesn’t have much time. Six months maybe. He didn’t want me to tell you, but I insisted. You need to come home, Kelly. Before it’s too late. I love you even when I don’t say so.

Mom

Kelly’s hands began to tremble. She pushed back from the computer and crossed her arms in front of her, doubling over against the pressure of her fists in her gut. Her father was dying? It was impossible. Her daddy was bigger than life. The strongest man she had ever known. She’d been angry with him, of course. He was old- fashioned, stuck on his beliefs of the Bible. But he was still young and full of life. The way she would always see him. What had happened? How had he gotten sick? And how could she have just six months to make things right?

The events of the night swirled together, pressing in on her, sucking the air from the room. First Michael, then this. The tapes would be useless tonight. Tears filled her eyes again and became rivers running down either side of her face. Never mind how she looked in the morning. Her daddy was dying.

Suddenly everything about her life these last few years felt shallow and flat. What was she doing, running around with a twenty-seven-year-old womanizer? Regardless of her views on right and wrong, she’d made a public fool of herself and her family.

Her marriage was finished, her faith was a thing of the past, and her place on the celebrity A-list was always a photo away from extinction. But the little girl who lived inside still ached for her daddy’s arms. Deep inside she ached to be that sixteen-year-old nobody, in love with Cal and sure of Almighty God.

Tomorrow she would look terrible, but she no longer cared. She couldn’t go to sleep until she did the more important thing.

She pulled up her father’s e-mail and hit reply. For a few seconds she stared at the blank screen. Then gradually her fingers began to move.

Dear Daddy,

I read your letter and Mom’s, and I’m devastated by your news. How could you be so sick? There must be something we can do, some doctor who can help you.

She thought about her schedule. The soonest she could take a trip home would be midweek. Never mind their differences, she needed to go. She began typing again.

We’re taping Fifteen Minutes over the next few days, but then I’ll come see you. I’m sorry it’s taken this to make me come home. We can disagree about a lot of things, but not about family. I’ve been away too long. I’m sorry. I’ll call you this weekend and we’ll make a plan. We’ll find the right doctor. I love you, Daddy.

Kelly

A weight she couldn’t see or touch settled on her shoulders. She stood and trudged to her bedroom. There was no need to mess with the tapes tonight. Yahoo and a handful of e-mails had said all there was to say. If she’d had any remaining threads of belief in God, they were severed now. Michael was gone and her dad was dying. Her dad, the best man she knew. The kind of man the world needed more of.

If God were real, He never would’ve allowed that.

chapter 13