tears welled up, making everything blurry and shiny.
My dear, serious, smart brother.
How could I do this to him?
“Don’t start taking down that plywood until we are all in our clothes and have our face masks on!” Niko said to them.
“Jeez, what about the gate?” I said, turning to Niko.
“I figured out how to retract it,” Alex said.
I nodded and looked away from him, turning my head so he wouldn’t see the anguish building up in me.
All the others were already in their many layers of clothes. They all had their masks in their hands. Sahalia came off the bus to get her mask.
They were ready.
“Where’s Chloe?” Niko said.
“She got very, very sleepy, so I put her in the bus to have a rest,” Josie said.
I guess a sleeping pill works pretty fast on an eight-year-old.
“Alex, can I talk to you?” I said.
“Here are your layers, Dean,” Josie said, handing me a stack of sweatpants. “And I have your ‘vitamins,’ too.”
“I want vitamins!” Caroline said.
“Me too!” said Henry.
Josie shushed them.
“Alex, I need to talk to you,” I said.
“You can talk on the bus,” Niko said, pulling on his clothes. “Put your layers on.”
I looked to Astrid. Josie was dressing her, pulling sweatshirts over Astrid’s head and helping her to stick her arms through the sleeves.
“Come on, Astrid,” Josie said. “Help me out here.”
Astrid was crying. She caught my eye, pleading with me over the heads of our busy friends. Our best friends. Our family.
“No,” I said. “I’m not going.”
Heads turned.
“Astrid and I are staying.”
Josie looked at Astrid’s face.
“What is he talking about?” she asked.
Astrid nodded, miserable.
“That’s not funny, Dean,” Alex said. He took the sweatshirt Josie was still holding and pushed it into my hands.
“Put it on!”
“We’re staying,” I said.
“No, you’re not!” he shouted.
“We have to stay.”
“You have to
“It’s not safe for us to be on the bus,” I said.
“Niko, tell them they have to come! Make them come!”
Niko continued to dress himself.
“Niko!” Alex yelled. “Tell them!”
“No,” Niko said. “They’re right. It’s safer for them and safer for us if they stay.”
Alex screamed and hit Niko. Then turned and attacked me.
I grabbed him and hugged him tight to me.
“Alex, listen to me,” I begged him. “You are going to find our parents.”
“No.”
“And you will know exactly where I am. And you’ll all come get me.”
“Please, Dean. Please!”
“It’s safer for us and safer for you if we stay,” I repeated what Niko had said.
“You’re staying…” He struggled for a breath. “You’re staying…”
He pushed away from me and wiped the snot off his face.
“You’re staying for a girl!” he spat at me. “You’re choosing her over me! Over our mom and dad!”
He walked away from me.
“You love her so much you’re never going to see your family again! I hate you!”
And he turned and boarded the bus.
“Alex,” I said, tears streaming down my face.
Niko put his hand on my arm. He had all his layers on by that point.
“If you guys are staying we need to rethink how we deal with the gate,” he said. “Also, I think you should keep Chloe.”
I looked at Astrid and she nodded.
“She’s not going to like it,” Josie said. “Being left behind.”
She would be furious, when she woke up.
But, really, she would be safe with us and the others would be safe from her.
I carried her warm, heavy body off the bus and laid her on Brayden’s dirty air mattress.
“Is there anyone else who doesn’t want to go?” Niko asked the little kids.
They all were silent.
They looked terrified, clutching their gas masks.
But none of them came forward.
We only took down the center panels. The side panels could stay up because the bus only needed to go through the center doors.
And after refusing to put on the layers so dramatically, Astrid and I did end up putting them on, along with the face masks, because the compounds were going to come into our space.
We’d have to put the wall back up as soon as we could.
“Come on, guys, hurry. Say good-byes and get on board now,” Niko said. “We’re wasting time.”
Max and Batiste and Henry and Caroline all surged over to us and we hugged them. I felt a tug on my hand and Ulysses tugged on my fat, padded arm.
He pressed Luna’s leash into my hand.
“Keep Luna,” he said. “And you memember me.”
He hugged me hard and then got on the bus.
Saying good-bye to them hurt like I was getting stabbed in the heart.
Little Caroline and Henry were weeping. They clung to me until Josie pried them off and sent them up the stairs.
“Dean,” Caroline called. “You have to come. You’re our favorite!”
“I’m sorry, Caroline. I have to stay here and keep Astrid and Chloe safe.”
“Tell Chloe we said ‘bye’, okay?” she said.
Tears rolled down her freckled cheeks. This was agony.
Alex was sitting near Brayden at the front of the bus. He wouldn’t look at me. Niko had gone and tried to talk him out, but Alex wouldn’t come. Not even to put up the gate. He’d given instructions to Niko to give to Astrid.
“So when you hear the air horn,” Niko told her now. “That means press the retract sign, but only for the center gate. Then when you hear it a second time, that means put it back up.”
Astrid nodded.
“I’m sorry, Niko,” she said. “I’m sorry we can’t go with you.”
