That’s the truth.
By the time I wrangled the second divider to the Living Room, Astrid and the kids were back from the Kitchen. Astrid and I ignored each other.
She wordlessly handed me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and I wordlessly ate it and got back to work.
PB&Js are delicious, but I guess that’s common knowledge.
The kids were trying to play a board game under the Christmas tree lights. Caroline was lying on her side as she played. She looked wiped out.
‘Dean, come play Monopoly with us,’ Chloe commanded. ‘Caroline and Henry just aren’t getting it.’
‘No!’ I snapped.
The three kids’ heads popped up and Astrid looked at me, a question in her eyes.
I guess in the Greenway, a sharp tone from any of us O types required immediate risk assessment.
‘I’m fine,’ I said. ‘Forget it.’
I walked away.
Let them stare.
Monopoly belonged to me and Alex. It was our game and they would never understand. There were strategies and traditions and they would never get all its complexities.
I didn’t want them to play it.
I strode to the Toy Department for another divider, thinking that I would never play Monopoly with anyone besides Alex ever. Ever, ever, ever, ever.
It was possible I was behaving somewhat like a child.
And it was probably for the best that I was working on a big project that required me to move heavy objects.
Picking out a third divider gave me some trouble. I got one halfway there, but a wheel got stuck and wouldn’t roll, so I had to go back for another.
As I was on my belly in the Toy Department, working on unlocking the latches on a new divider, I heard Astrid’s quiet footsteps come up behind me.
‘Dean,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry if I was… too mean or something before.’
She didn’t sound sorry, she sounded worried.
Looking up at her, from the floor, I could see her belly under the bottom edge of her thermal top.
There was that rise. The little bump.
It suddenly kind of hit me that she was
‘Can you please just come?’ she said.
I sat up and looked at Astrid.
She was sort of chewing on her lip.
‘Caroline fell asleep and when I went to move her… She’s hot. Really hot.’
‘It’s not my fault,’ Chloe noted as I approached. She was loitering outside the ‘bedroom’ she and the twins shared. ‘I’m just saying, just because of the whole rat thing, not everything is my fault.’
Two crib mattresses took up the entire floor space of their bedroom.
They had covered the mirror with crayon drawings of houses, trees, families – all the normal subjects of little kid drawings. The circumstances of our living situation made them all more poignant, of course.
The one that really killed me was a drawing by Henry with three people. I say people, but they were basically just smiling, potato-shaped ovals with lines for arms and legs. Long, spider-legged fingers sprouted from the ends of the arms and overlapped – the three figures were holding hands. The one on the left had a small red blob on its head. The one on the right had long red scribbles for hair, and the one in the centre had brown skin and two black knots on the top of her head.
Josie. It was a picture of Josie and the twins.
God, I wished Josie was here.
Caroline looked pale and sweaty. She was lying on the mattress on the floor, the sheets and blankets twisted and messy.
Henry was lying next to Caroline. His face was pressed right up to hers.
‘She’s not contagious,’ he said to me defensively. ‘I can be here.’
‘Of course you can be here,’ I agreed.
I knelt on the mattress. The whole chamber stank. I saw some old clothes and maybe some used pull-ups shoved into corners. The twins were too afraid to get up in the night to go to the Dump, so they used pull-ups. But never mind that.
‘Hey, Caroline,’ I said softly. ‘How ya doing?’
She opened her eyes and looked at me. Her eyes were glassy and big.
‘I’m good,’ she said.
Tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes. She didn’t wipe them away. They got on Henry, because his face was pressed right up to the side of hers. He didn’t brush the tears away either.
‘I’m going to take a look at your leg.’
I pulled at the covers twisted around her legs.
‘Her leg’s hot,’ Henry said.
As I moved the sheets I saw that Henry had his foot pressed onto the bandage on Caroline’s leg.
‘What are you doing?’ I asked him.
‘I let my foot get cold, then I press it on her leg and it helps. Then I switch it when my foot gets hot again. It’s helping! Right, Caro? It’s helping.’
Caroline nodded weakly.
‘We can do better than that,’ I said. ‘Henry, move out of the way for a moment, will you?’
‘Okay,’ he agreed reluctantly.
I carefully lifted Caroline’s leg and pulled the Band-Aid off. She whimpered.
The wound was swollen, red around the edges and white in the centre. It was definitely infected.
A knot of dread hit my stomach like a punch. Why hadn’t I treated her with antibiotics straightaway? What was wrong with me?
Silently I railed against my own stupidity. I had to start thinking like a leader.
‘I’m fine,’ she said, looking scared.
‘Yup,’ I said. ‘You’re just fine. But you know what, I’m going to give you a little bit of medicine. Just to make you feel even better.’
‘Okay,’ she answered.
I stood up and Henry settled back into his place.
‘Don’t… don’t put your foot on her anymore, Henry. I’ll get you something cool you can put on it for her.’
Something sterile, for God’s sake.
Astrid followed me to the Pharmacy.
‘It’s bad, isn’t it?’ she asked me.
‘It’s bad. But we have a whole pharmacy here. We can fix it.’
‘Luna won’t come out either,’ Astrid said. ‘I put a can of dog food out for her and she won’t touch it.’
The Pharmacy was still a mess, but after a while, I found what I was looking for – a Super-Z pack.
‘What’s that?’ Astrid asked.
‘Antibiotics.’
‘How do you know they’re the right ones?’
‘I cut my leg on a garden stake last summer. Got really red and ugly. This is what the doctor gave me.’
‘What about the dosage, though?’ She was twisting her hands together, wringing them.
‘Astrid, I don’t know,’ I said. ‘This is our best option.’
