Light in Mourning

something I didn’t mean.

“That was not what I was thinking. Now let me up to go the bathroom.” I pulled off his body, his arms falling away from my hips in defeat. I needed a minute to collect my thoughts. I headed for the bathroom and took care of business. Anger boiled in my stomach at his assumptions. I hadn’t put off the wedding planning because I didn’t want to marry him. I didn't think I'd done that anyway. I took a deep breath and tried to see things from his perspective.

He sat up in bed, perched against the headboard, his fingers tapping a rhythm on his sheet-covered thigh when I exited the bathroom.

“Hey . . .” I slid up beside him and curled around his body, pressing my hands against his pecs and placing a sweet kiss on his lips. His eyes softened and his hands came around to envelop me in a calm embrace.

“I want to marry you, Tristan. You put this ring on my finger and that’s it. You’re not getting rid of me, not ever.” I stroked my fingertips along the stubble at his jaw. “But I don’t want to rush this. I’m afraid you’re only saying this right now because you think I'm going to run with the whole Lexi thing, but I’m not—”

“That’s not it. I don’t think you’re going to run because of that. I just . . .” He trailed off and diverted his gaze.

“You just what?” I angled his head back to me to meet my eyes.

“I’m scared. I’m afraid you’re going to run because everyone runs on me. I was good all summer. I kept telling myself you wouldn’t, but I’m afraid this Lexi thing may push you over the edge. And when you needed a girls’ weekend . . . I just remember with Kyle that’s how you started to pull away.” He sucked his beautiful full lip between his teeth. My breath escaped in a soft whisper as I ran my thumb over the sculpted bow of his top lip and tugged his bottom one free.

“I’m not running. I’ll always need a girls’ weekend, and anyway, look how that turned out. Here I am, back in your bed.”

“Our bed.”

“Our bed.” I smiled.

“I want to marry you because I want you to be my wife. Sooner rather than later.” He slid a warm palm around my neck, his thumb working soft circles on my cheekbone.

“Yeah?” Tears sprang to my eyes as I watched the love pouring from him. He had so much love to give. He’d been cheated from his mother’s love when he was little, but the love he held inside him overwhelmed me.

“Yeah.” He brought his lips to mine in a soft kiss, his tongue caressing my lips, letting him once again own my heart.

“Okay.” I pulled away from his lips, a smile lighting my face.

“Okay what?” His emerald green eyes searched my own.

“Okay, let’s get married.”

“This weekend?” His eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“We’ve been engaged long enough. I’m ready to make you mine.” I grinned up at him. A heart-stopping smile lit his face. His teeth were on full display, lips curved up in a brilliant smile.

“God, you’re so fucking beautiful.” He threaded both his hands into my hair and crashed my lips to his. “I’m so fucking ready to tie myself to you forever.”

“Thanks, I think.” I laughed.

“Smart ass.” He flipped me over and took my lips with his again, before moving along to my neck and across my collarbone. He discovered my body with his lips and his hands, skimming, sucking, caressing, and loving and it was the most beautiful wake-up call I’d had with him yet.

“Will you walk me down the aisle, Silas?”

“Georgia . . .” He leaned in and planted a kiss on my cheek. “It would be my honor.” I could see tears swimming in his eyes. “Now let me see you.” He held me at arm’s length to inspect the lace dress that hugged my lean form. “This is way too old-fashioned, we need something sexier.” He swatted me on my ass and I giggled before turning back into the dressing room. Drew, Silas, and I were at a local dress shop. I was forced to buy off the hanger, but I was glad to have a wedding dress at all after Tristan sprang his “let’s get married right now” proposition on me.

The consultant zipped me into a flowing champagne-colored dress. I stepped out of the dressing room and onto the pedestal to take in my reflection in the three-way mirror.

“That’s what I’m talking about. Spin.” Silas turned his finger in circles.

“Oh my God, G.” Drew stood with her hands locked to her lips, tears pooling in her eyes. “It's breathtaking.”

“Really?” I turned in the mirror. “You think he’ll like it?” I took in the short train before my eyes zeroed in on the intricate beadwork on the straps. They came together across my shoulder blades and then connected in a waterfall of lace and beadwork down the center of my spine to the small of my back where they attached to the champagne satin.

“He will be breathless, love.”

“Yeah?” I turned, a smile curling my lips, tears swimming in my eyes as the overwhelming emotion came to the surface. I was marrying Tristan today. My heart thudded in my chest. I was excited, but didn’t have a single second thought. I expected Drew and Silas to second-guess me, but instead they'd squealed and pushed me into the car to get a dress before our evening ceremony.

“Ho Hey by The Lumineers rang through the dress shop and Drew fumbled for her phone. “I have to take this, it’s the officiant. But that’s the dress. He’s going to be hard for you all through the ceremony.” She winked.

“Drew.” I laughed before looking in the mirror again.

“And don't forget we have to swing by the town clerk's office for a marriage license. You're going to be Georgia Howell,” Drew sang, answering her phone.

“She’s right. You're stunning, love.” Silas stepped onto the pedestal with me and wrapped his arms around my waist, setting his chin on my shoulder.

We locked eyes in the mirror. “I love you, Silas. For everything. For being there for me, for being you, for making me laugh, for telling me how it is when I don’t want to hear it.”

“I love you too, Georgia.” He swiped tears from his eyes. “Enough with the sappy shit. We’ve got a wedding to plan.”

“Okay.” I smiled softly. “Silas?”

“Yeah, love?” He turned to look back at me.

“Do you like him?” I whispered, my eyes searching his bright blue ones.

“I love him, Georgia. And more importantly, you love him. I can see it every time you look at him, and every time he looks at you. Even with everything going on, I knew you'd get through it. Do you think I’d let you marry just anyone?”

“No.” I smiled and wiped a tear from my eyes.

“So why the sad face?” My best friend held my cheeks in his palms.

“It's just . . .the way we started . . .” I stopped as more tears slid down my face.

“Hey, hey. Just because you started off ugly, doesn’t mean you can't have a marriage that's just as strong and beautiful as everyone else's. Okay, love?”

I nodded as his words eased the fear in my heart.

“Good. Plus, he’s nice to look at. I don’t mind sharing holidays with that face.”

“Silas, you’re a married man.” I sniffed the last of my tears away.

“You think Justin doesn’t agree with me? We’ve got our list. We get a pass with anyone on our list, and your boy, if he ever goes bi, is on my list.” Silas winked.

“Silas. Fuck, seriously? That’s my future husband.”

“I know.” He shrugged.

“Would you really?” I arched a concerned eyebrow.

“Not for a minute. I’m just teasing you, love. But if I would have gotten hold of him a year ago . . .”