Little response. She prepared a second inhalation and bent to swap the nebuliser cup. ‘Do you think you could swallow something for me, Allie?’
The girl nodded.
‘Have you got a favourite jam?’
Another nod.
‘Apricot?’ The dark head shook.
‘Strawberry,’ Luke said, his voice hoarse. A nod from Allie.
‘Susan, could you mash prednisolone in jam, please? We’re going with the strawberry.’
Luke watched Terri smile at his daughter. He could see the situation was desperate. As a father he wanted to yell and rage and demand she do something to help Allie, to relieve his daughter’s suffering, to make it better.
Stat!
As a doctor, he knew everything that could be done was being done.
Thank God for Terri. Calm, competent, caring. Confidence-inspiring. He was grateful for the small tasks she assigned him. He was there to be with his daughter, that’s what mattered. It helped him that he was doing something, no matter how small.
Three hours later, Terri opened the door to Allie’s room and tiptoed across to the bed where Luke sat keeping watch. They’d worked for two hours to stabilise Allie. He’d been ready to slay monsters to save her if necessary. His protective concern appealed deeply and Terri realised she felt acutely vulnerable having seen him this way.
Only now that the frightening attack was over could she admit how serious the situation had been. The thought that she might have failed Luke, failed Allie, sent a shaft of nausea into her stomach.
She touched Luke’s shoulder. He stirred, turning to look up at her. His expression was dazed.
‘She’s going to be okay now.’
‘Yes, thanks to you.’
‘Thanks to the team.’ She looked at his drawn face, lines of exhaustion etched around his mouth, and her heart squeezed. ‘Take a break, get something to eat and drink, Luke.’
He opened his mouth, refusal in his eyes.
‘Just for a few minutes. I’ll stay here with Allie.’
She could see he still wanted to refuse.
‘I promise I’ll be right here when you get back.’
‘Okay.’ He stood slowly and arched his back. ‘Thank you. I won’t be long.’
‘I know.’ She smiled.
Alone with Allie, Terri smoothed the sheet at the edge of the bed and allowed herself a moment longer to watch the sleeping child. It was a pleasure and a relief to see the steady respirations and better skin colour. To check the monitor and see pulse, oxygen saturation and respiratory rate all nearly within the normal range. A stark contrast to the girl who had presented in the emergency department.
For the initial one hundred minutes of her admission, it had been all too possible that her condition could have deteriorated disastrously. She’d been so tired, using accessory muscles as she’d fought for breath.
Terri stroked Allie’s forehead, watching the fragile eyelids flutter open above the oxygen mask. Blue eyes, startlingly like her father’s, flickered and focussed slowly.
‘Hey, sweetheart,’ Terri said softly. ‘How are you feeling?’
‘Okay.’ Allie smiled weakly. Her pale skin contrasted with the purple-grey crescents that shadowed her eyes.
As her eyes cleared, she looked around.
‘Your dad will be back in a minute,’ said Terri. ‘He’s been sitting with you since you came in.’
‘I know. I don’t know why,’ she said, her voice filled with pain as she closed her eyes and turned her head away.
Terri blinked and stood lost for words for a long moment. ‘What do you mean, Allie?’
The girl’s mouth trembled. ‘H-he hates me.’
‘Oh, honey-’ Denial sprang to Terri’s lips, her tongue started to form the words. She stopped, stifling the automatic response. Allie believed what she was saying.
‘Can you tell me why you think that?’
Allie flicked her silent sideways glance, her eyes tortured beneath the lake of brimming tears.
‘Your dad’s very worried about you,’ Terri said softly. ‘He loves you very much and he wants to help you. I think he’s sad because he doesn’t know how. Maybe if you talked to him-’
‘You don’t understand.’ The soft tortured words were ripped from a deep anguished place and tears spilled over to stream down Allie’s cheeks. ‘I don’t deserve to be happy.’
‘Oh, Allie.’ Terri reached for the slender shoulders, drawing the crying girl into an embrace. ‘Tell me what you mean, sweetheart.’
Terri rocked her gently and waited.
‘D-Dad was w-with me when Mummy died. It’s m-my fault.’
‘Oh, sweetheart,’ Terri murmured as she rubbed the girl’s back and listened to the story of guilt and anger and unresolved grief that tumbled out. Interspersed with sobs and hiccups, it wasn’t easy to understand, but she didn’t interrupt the flow. Finally, Allie wound down.
‘It’s not your fault that your mum died.’ Terri squeezed her gently, her heart swelling when Allie’s arms crept around her waist and clung. ‘You’re grieving and your thoughts are all jumbled up, aren’t they?’
‘It f-feels bad.’
‘I know, sweetheart. I know.’ She stroked the girl’s hair and pressed her lips to the top of her head. ‘Have you tried to talk to your dad about this at all?’
‘No,’ came the whispered response. ‘I can’t tell him.’
‘He’ll understand, Allie.’
‘He’ll be angry.’
‘Never. He might be sad for not seeing why you’ve been so unhappy. But he’d never be angry with you for the way you’re feeling now.’
Eyes framed by spiky drenched lashes lifted to cling to hers. Panic and a tiny growing spark of hope swam in the blue depths.
‘Your dad will be back in a few minutes. What say we tell him together then?”
‘Y-you’ll help?’
‘Of course. In the meantime, how about I check you over? Sit forward for me so I can listen to your chest.’ Terri recorded Allie’s obs while she kept up a steady stream of chatter and questions to keep the girl’s mind occupied.
Terri knew the moment Luke slipped quietly into the room. All her senses quivered with awareness. ‘Here’s your dad now.’
Allie’s smile dimmed and Terri suppressed a sigh. She waited until Luke was standing on the other side of the bed. ‘Allie told me some things she’s been worrying about, Luke. She’s going to be very brave and tell you about them.’
‘Allie, that’s great, sweetheart,’ he said softly.
‘Allie?’ Terri prompted after a pause.
The girl plucked at the sheet, her eyes averted. Luke’s eyes filled with baffled hunger as they settled on his daughter.
The silence felt thick with accusation. Terri’s stomach clenched painfully. In her eagerness to help, had she made a monumental error? Would professional counselling have been the wiser course?
But she was so sure they didn’t need an intermediary; they just needed to start. Terri bit her lip as she debated what to do next. Her instincts told her it would be better if Allie could tell her father herself. Much more therapeutic. But perhaps the stress was too much for the child.
‘Allie, darling…I know you’re unhappy.’ Luke’s voice was gentle and coaxing. ‘I know it’s not easy but I want you to know that you can tell me anything, anything at all. I won’t be cross with you.’
Terri’s throat blocked with tears and pride for the man as he tried to connect with his daughter. His words
