told him to kill his son, we’d lock him up in a mental institution.”
“It’s interesting,” Rabbi Rosenberg said, “that the Hebrew word for prophet has a connotation of madness in it.”
Maybe Abraham was mad, I thought. Just a crazy old man who’d been out in the desert heat too long… Or maybe, just maybe, he trusted God beyond what I can even begin to understand.
“Really?” King said. “That is interesting, but I guess that’s true, most of the things the old prophets did, we would think of as crazy today, wouldn’t we, Chaplain Jordan?”
“Yeah,” I said. “There’s a very fine line between faith and foolishness. Most acts of faith are illogical-they don’t make any sense from a practical standpoint.”
During the next break, Susan waved and blew me a kiss, and when I asked how I was doing, she gave me two thumbs up.
“Does it offend you men that Reverend Caldwell compared himself to Abraham?” King asked after the break.
“Deeply,” Imam Jamal said. “I am very sorry for the loss of his daughter, but her death does not make him Abraham, the father of our faith.”
“Larry,” Bobby Earl said, “I never said I was Abraham. I only meant that I know what it’s like to offer everything up to God.”
“How could God ask such a thing of Abraham, Rabbi Rosenberg?”
“Maybe God views death very differently than we do,” he said. “Maybe God expects everything from us.”
“But we can’t forget,” I heard myself saying before I knew what I was doing, “that in the story this test came at the end of Abraham’s life, after he spent twenty-five years learning he could trust God. This was like his final exam. And, God didn’t accept Abraham’s sacrifice of his son. He tested him, yes, but didn’t allow him to follow through with it. He instead provided a lamb. The God who tests is also the God who provides.”
“Which is a beautiful picture of Christ,” Father David said. “Think about Isaac carrying the wood for the fire up the mountain the way Christ carried his cross to Calvary.”
“And it’s certainly a picture of resurrection,” Rabbi Rosenberg added. “Ultimately, nothing is lost, for God redeems and returns to us everything in the end.”
“Chaplain Jordan, since this story has been getting so much attention, you’ve received a lot of criticism for not adequately protecting Nicole while she was in your chapel.”
My face filled the monitor, the growing pink glow of my embarrassment obvious.
It wasn’t a question and I wasn’t sure what to say.
“Yes?” I asked.
“Well,” King said, “do you have anything to say to that?”
“What can I say?” I asked. “I deserve the criticism. I should’ve never left her side.”
“Okay,” he said, hesitated a moment, then asked, “Who’s responsibility was it to keep her safe?”
“Mine,” I said.
“Bobby Earl,” King said, “why take the chance?”
“Ah,” Bobby Earl said, seeming at a loss.
“Why take her in such a dangerous place?” King added. “Why ask people like Chaplain Jordan and others to do such a difficult job?”
“Larry,” Bobby Earl said, “this is what God has called me to do. You’d have to ask him.”
“God?” King asked with a laugh.
“Yes,” Bobby Earl said sincerely.
“Chaplain Jordan,” King said, “do you think Nicole’s killer will be found?”
“I’m certain of it,” I said.
“Bobby Earl,” King said, “do you think most people sitting at home watching us tonight think you killed your daughter?”
“Heavens, no,” Bobby Earl said. “I think they realize-”
“But as I understand it,” King said, “you and your wife were the only two people to go in or out of that locked office where Nicole was killed. Are you saying your wife did it?”
“Absolutely not,” he said. “Bunny could never do such a thing. She’s a-”
“Looks like we’re out of time for tonight,” King said. “I want to thank my guests-”
“One more thing before we go,” Bobby Earl said. “Earlier you asked if we were suspects and Chaplain Jordan said no one had been ruled out, which might have sounded like we were, but I have been assured by the governor this week that we have been cleared and that they’re not going to waste time investigating innocent people.”
“Oh,” King said. “So, Chaplain Jordan, the Caldwells are not suspects in the investigation?”
“As I said before, Larry, no one has been ruled out.”
“But the governor said-” Bobby Earl began.
“The governor,” I said, “is not conducting the investigation.”
CHAPTER 36
“He killed his daughter, didn’t he?” Susan said.
We were back in the car riding toward Mexico Beach on the brightly moon-lit barren highway next to the coast.
“I don’t know,” I said. “But if he did, he sees himself as Abraham.”
“I bet everyone wondered why you said you were certain her killer would be found,” she said, “but I knew.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” she said. “You’re certain because you won’t stop until you find him.”
I nodded.
“But what then?” she asked. “What will you do with a monster like that?”
“I may make a little sacrifice of my own,” I said.
We were quiet for a long time before she said, “Probably not a good idea to make the governor mad at you.”
“Why should he be any different?”
She smiled. “Can you believe we’re still married?”
“No,” I said. “I can’t. Why didn’t you sign the papers?”
“I meant to,” she said. “But I didn’t want to, so I procrastinated. And then when I began recovery, I don’t know, I guess I just began to see things so differently.” She turned toward me suddenly, eyes moving rapidly, voice pleading. “You didn’t cheat on me, did you?”
“No,” I said. “I never did.” Then I laughed out loud. “Still haven’t.”
“You haven’t?” she said. “You mean this whole time you thought we were divorced, and you haven’t…”
“Sad, isn’t it?”
“No,” she said. “Of course not. It’s sweet. It’s wonderful. It’s just what I’d expect.”
She reached over and took my hand, lacing her fingers in mine, and laid her head on my shoulder, the scent of her hair drifting pleasantly over me. Her hand felt right in mine, her body like it was made to be beside mine, but an uneasiness, blinking like a warning light at the edge of my mind, whispered that my body was betraying me.
“What’re we gonna do?” she asked.
“About what?”
“In the eyes of the law,” she said, “we’re still married.”
“I know,” I said. “But that’s not how we’ve been living. The law doesn’t change the fact that we reached a place where we both felt like we had to separate. It can’t heal us or make us right with each other again. It’s powerless to create love.”
