it. I had to try.”
“Try
He rubbed his hands through his curly hair, fluffing it into a puffy dark brown crown. “I wanted to see if the Imria were what they said they were. Whether they really wanted to help humans. So I went to Angel Island and volunteered to be a test subject.” He finally looked at Reese, and his eyes seemed to glitter with excitement. “They rejected me.”
She stared at him, her forehead furrowed. “Thank God!” Then she narrowed her eyes at him. “Why are you so happy about it?”
He sat up, punching the beanbag into shape behind him. “Because if they were crazy evil colonizers, they wouldn’t have rejected me. They would have taken me and done whatever tests they wanted to do. But since they didn’t, this proves they’re here to help us.”
She blinked. “That is some seriously flawed logic.”
“It makes total sense.”
“No, it doesn’t. All it means is that they knew who you were and they didn’t want to make me mad at them. Because I would have been seriously mad if they had done anything to you.”
Anger darkened Julian’s face. “It’s not always about you, Reese.”
His comment stung. “I’m not saying it is!”
“You just said they only didn’t take me because I’m
He had a point, she thought, chagrined. She watched him for a moment, then asked, “How did you get there? My mom thinks you hired someone.”
“Yeah, I hired a boat. It’s crazy, the things money can buy,” he said sarcastically. His shoulders drooped a little. “I wiped out my savings.”
“Okay, so you paid someone, but there are soldiers all over that island. How did you get to the ship?”
He stopped pacing and pushed his hands into his pockets. He looked at her defiantly. “Amber met me.”
She felt as if he had shoved her. “What?”
He shrugged. “She met me at the harbor and took me to the ship.”
“How did she even know you were there?”
“I e-mailed her.”
Reese’s stomach flipped. “Even I don’t have her e-mail address. How did you get it?” His gaze shifted away from her. “What’s really going on? You didn’t go there to volunteer. That’s ridiculous. You knew they wouldn’t take you. What were you really doing?”
He crossed the room and sat on the edge of his rumpled bed, pushing a pair of sweats out of the way. He leaned over, elbows on his knees, and looked down at the floor as he spoke. “She e-mailed me a couple of weeks ago. Right after you and David returned from Area 51.”
Reese was shocked.
“She wanted to find out if I thought you would take her up on her offer. To let the Imria teach you guys how to use your adaptation.”
“But… how did she get your e-mail address?”
“I’m on the Internet. I’m listed on Bin 42. It probably wasn’t that hard—it’s not like I try to hide my identity. Anyway, I told her I didn’t know, that she should ask you herself. But she didn’t seem to want to do that. We’ve been e-mailing since then.” Finally he raised his head to look at her. “She feels really bad about what happened.”
Reese stiffened. “Did she ask you to say that?”
“No. It came up.”
“It came up? What, you and Amber are pen pals now?” She couldn’t hide the bitter edge in her voice. “Do you
He sat up, an incredulous expression on his face. “Are you kidding me? I’m
She gaped at him. She felt as if she had walked into an inferno. Julian gave her a challenging look, as if he were daring her to contradict him. Her fingers, resting on the back of his desk chair, gripped the wood harder. Finally she said in a low, tight voice, “Is that what this is about? Are you still pissed at me for not coming out to everyone?”
His jaw clenched. He shook his head. “No. You can stay closeted as long as you want.”
“I’m not closeted!” she exploded. “I don’t think being gay is wrong—is that what you think I think? How could you think that? I’ve known you my whole life. I was there when you had your first crush on Logan Jacobsen at summer camp. I have no problems with being gay.”
Julian squirmed. “The way you feel about me could be different than the way you feel about yourself.”
“I feel fine about myself! I don’t think I’m going to hell because I liked Amber.” She lowered her voice. “I just don’t need to explain every last detail of my personal life to the public. Do you know what kind of shit they write about me and David on the Internet? Can you imagine what they would say if they knew about me and Amber? She’s not even a human girl. She’s an extraterrestrial.”
“Reese, I—”
“It would be insane,” she continued, ignoring him. “The stuff they say about David is racist. Flat-out fucking racist. If they knew that I had been dating Amber, there would be no end to the crap they throw out about us. Maybe I’m being selfish for not wanting to deal with the homophobes, but think about what they would say about David, too, for dating me. I know what people think about bisexuals. That we can’t make up our minds or that we’re nymphomaniacs or that we’re just doing it for attention. Think of what they would say if they knew I’m bisexual and that I was with an
He blinked at her, clearly taken aback by her rant. After a long pause, he said in a soft voice, “So you’re bisexual?”
She threw up her hands. “Whatever. Yeah, I’m bisexual. Are you satisfied?”
He smiled slightly. “Maybe a little.”
She groaned, laying her arms on the back of the chair and dropping her head down.
“Hey, I’m sorry. I guess I didn’t think through what it might mean for you to come out like that.”
She exhaled. “Apology accepted.”
He gave a short laugh. “So do you still like her?”
Her head snapped up. “No.” At the doubtful look on his face she relented. “I don’t know, okay?”
His eyes widened. “But you’re with David.”
“Yes, I know that,” she said crisply.
“Are you not over her?”
“Why are you asking me this? Are you going to e-mail her?”
He held up his hands in submission. “No, no. I’m just asking as your friend. I like David. I think he’s great. But you—” He made an apologetic face. “You really liked her. I could tell.”
She frowned. “Well, it’s over.”
“I hate to break it to you, but that doesn’t mean your feelings are over.” He had a wry expression on his face, and she remembered the months after he had broken up with Sean. Julian had been the one to end it, but he had moped around for weeks. She had dragged him out with Madison and Bri for a seemingly endless series of ice cream and boba tea sessions in which he sat in moody silence, only looking up when someone who resembled Sean came into the room.
Something inside her seemed to crumple at the memory of Julian dealing with his breakup. Something that she had been shoring up daily with denial and willfulness. She dropped her face into her hands. “I like David. I really, really like him. I don’t want to hurt him.”
“So you do still like her,” he said gently.
“Maybe.” It was the first time she had truly admitted the possibility to herself, and saying that single word out loud sent a pang through her so sharp she had to suck in her breath. “But I can’t,” she said forcefully. “I can’t like two people at once. I won’t. Talk about stereotypes. And I haven’t even seen her in—in almost two weeks.”
