He goes to his desk and unlocks one of the drawers. He opens it and pulls out a large cassette player. It’s nice, not something patched together by the city’s many junkers who scavenge for parts to re-create prewar devices.
“I’ve been debating for some time when to give this to you,” Clive says, approaching me with it. “You’ll want to listen to it in private. And keep it. I’ve never played it—it was always meant for your ears alone.”
He hands it to me. It’s heavy. Not just from the thick plastic and dust, but heavy with memories. I can’t really explain how I know that. “It’s from my father, isn’t it?”
“Yes.”
I’m torn between the need to hear his voice again and putting off what his words might confirm. This could explain everything about my heritage. Or he could simply be singing me a lullaby. Or he’s saying goodbye.
Exhaustion settles over me.
“Try and get some sleep before tonight,” Clive says. “And know if you change your mind about going, I stand by you.”
“Thanks, Clive, but I have to do this.”
“Somehow, I knew you were going to say that.”
Chapter 6
Jeff pulls to a stop in front of our apartment building. Nothing ever looked so good to me. I wish I was going to have more than a few hours here, but I agree with Victor’s sense of urgency.
As soon as Jeff and I step into the apartment—
“Dawn!”
Tegan pops off the couch, leaps into my arms, and hugs me hard. “I was so scared that I’d never see you again.”
“That’ll never happen,” I say boldly. I don’t want her to know that I’d thought the same thing. It’s easy to be confident when all the dangers are behind you.
She pulls back, and I see that she’s aged, too. She still has her pixie features and her cropped blond hair sticks up all over the place, but she’s faced almost as many horrors as I have.
“My turn,” Rachel says. With her brown hair pulled back in a ponytail and her casual clothes—jeans and T- shirt—I figure she’s not going to work today.
I give her a fierce hug.
“You could have told me what you were really up to, instead of just leaving a note,” Rachel chides.
“Clive ordered me not to say anything.”
“Since when do you obey orders?”
I smile. She’s been fairly tolerant of the issues I have with authority. “I was trying to protect you.”
“That I believe. How about some coffee?”
I glance over to see Tegan and Jeff studying me like they expect me to fall apart. “Love some. But I’m going to shower first.”
“It’ll be ready when you’re done,” Tegan says.
“Great. Thanks. I won’t be long.”
I walk into my bedroom and close the door behind me. I set the cassette player on my desk. I’m desperate to listen to it, but I want to be completely alone without the possibility of anyone disturbing me. Knowing Tegan, she’ll be in my room before I’m out of the shower.
I strip off my clothes. When they collapse to the floor, dust leaps off them, bits of Crimson Sands that have followed me into the city. Perhaps that’s a good sign, and I can carry the spirit of that place with me, too.
The shower is amazing. The water pooling at my feet is a dark brown at first as I wash all the dirt from my hair and skin, but when it runs clear, I turn the heat up and let myself absorb the warmth and the patter of drops against my skin. It’s almost like I can feel each individual droplet. How is that possible? Am I really changing? Becoming more like a vampire? I want to crawl out of my skin. I don’t feel at home in my own body anymore. It’s like I don’t know it any longer, like I don’t know me.
Tears sting my eyes. Crouching in the corner, I wrap my arms around my legs. In spite of the warmth, I shiver. I don’t want to be a vampire. I don’t want to have things in common with Sin. I don’t want to be a monster.
Shaking off the morose thoughts, I fight back the tears. I’m still Dawn Montgomery. I know who I am, even if I don’t know
Fighting for them is in my blood, too. My parents did it. My brother did it.
With renewed resolve, I’m determined not to let Sin win, not to let him conquer me.
Standing up, I shut off the water. After I step out and dry off, I put on a pair of loose flannel pants, a tank top, and an old soft hoodie. I need the comfort right now. I walk into the bedroom.
Clothes are strewn all over my bed and Tegan is standing beside it holding up a red silk negligee.
“Jeff told us you were going to the Vampire Council. He and Rachel are arguing about it now, so I decided to help you pack. I don’t do well with yelling,” she says. “Where did you get this?”
I snatch it from her, ball it up, and shove it back into the drawer where I’d hidden it. “From Faith. She gave it to me when I was in the hospital recovering from Victor’s bite. I think as a joke. She said hospital gowns weren’t fashionable or something like that.”
“You should take it,” Tegan says. “You know. For when you and Victor are alone.” She wiggles her eyebrows.
“We’re not going to be alone. Richard and Faith will be there.” I start sorting through the clothes, trying to determine what looks conservative.
“They won’t be there all the time. And not in the same room . . . or bed,” she emphasizes.
“I don’t know what the arrangements will be, but red silk is not appropriate.”
She sits on the bed. I guess now that she’s made a mess, she feels like her job is finished.
“Have you and Victor . . . done it?” she asks.
I feel the heat rushing to my face. I shake my head.
“Do you want to?”
Do I? “I think about it, but he’s a vampire. It makes a relationship hard.” Even though I may be part vampire as well, I’m not ready to admit it—not even to my best friend.
“You gave him your blood.”
“He was dying.”
“Maybe he’s
I wad up a T-shirt and throw it at her. Giggling, she ducks. It seems like it’s been forever since we’ve laughed.
“What about you and Michael?” I ask, turning the tables.
“What about us?” she asks, grabbing a shirt and starting to button it up, like it can’t be folded until every button is snugly in place.
“You seemed interested in him when we were in Los Angeles.”
“I’ve always thought he was hot, you know that. Even when he was your boyfriend.” She stills. “I hate what Sin did to his face.”
“He clawed his chest, too. After you guys got out of the city and Michael tried to fight him.”
“God, I can’t believe I loved that guy.” She studies me for a minute. “Is it because of what happened to me that you’re afraid to trust Victor with your heart?”
“Victor is nothing like Sin. But the world around us is so intense. I just wish we had time to do something simple like go on a picnic.”
She sits up, excited. “Maybe you’ll do something special when you’re in Vamp City. I bet they have fancy restaurants—”
“That serve blood?”
