“I’m just trying to understand what’s going on.”
“There’s nothing to understand.” She rolls over, turns down the gas lamp, and buries herself beneath the covers.
Although we have a dim light, my eyesight is sharper. I can clearly see her outline.
“Do you really like Xavier?” I ask.
“Of course not.”
“Then why dance with him?”
“Because he was our host. It would have been rude not to.”
Faith always tries to be hard and uncaring, but I sense vulnerability in her. “When we were in Los Angeles, I saw your face when Richard leapt through the window with Sin.” It was a fall from a height that would have killed a human. “You were terrified, worried about him. You have strong feelings for him.”
“Let it go, Dawn.”
But I can’t. I care about Richard. I know he’s hurting. I think Faith might be as well. “You once said something about a night you shared together . . . when was it? A hundred years ago?”
“Ninety-eight, but who’s counting?”
“Obviously you. And Richard.”
That seems to get her attention.
“When I first met him,” I say, “I was with Victor. And so much was happening in the city, and we had no idea what was going on, and Victor was planning to overthrow his father, and you know what Richard asked? He asked if you were okay.”
With a long-suffering sigh, she sits up. “You’re like a little parakeet I once had. It kept chewing on its cage, on the exact same spot, for two years. It drove me mad, so one night I opened the cage and the bird flew away. Do you know what happened next?”
“What?”
“The thing came back and kept chewing.”
I laugh a little.
“I know you care about him,” I say.
“The parakeet?”
“No. Richard.”
“Don’t be silly. I can’t. I won’t.” She studies me for a moment. “We should do something special with your hair before we go to see the Council.”
“Faith.” Reaching across, I grab her hands, feel her tense up, see her eyes widen in alarm, but I’m not going to let go.
“What are you doing?” she whispers, and I wonder if she ever lets anyone truly touch her. Not in the flirtatious way that Xavier did, but in a comforting way.
“You can confide in me,” I tell her.
“You’re human. You have emotions. You’d never understand.”
“Try me.”
“We can’t love.”
“You love Victor.”
“No. I . . . he’s my brother. I don’t want him to do something that will get him killed, that’s all.”
“Because you care about him. That’s love. What happened that night with Richard?”
She shakes her head, squeezes my hands. “He was sweet.”
“Go on,” I prod.
“We . . . he was my first. Oh, hell, he’s been my only, but don’t you dare tell him that.”
She looks totally disgruntled.
“Your secret’s safe with me,” I assure her.
“It better be. I can take you out without even mussing up my hair.”
I don’t think I’d go down that easy, but I’m not going to fall for her change in topic. “So you regret that you were together?”
“Of course I do.”
I wrinkle my nose. “He wasn’t any good?”
“Richard’s good at everything. But that night I was so nervous. He was tender, gentle, made me feel safe.” She rolls her eyes. “Then he spoiled it all by telling me that he loved me.”
“And you didn’t believe him? Faith, I’ve seen the way he looks at you—”
“No, I did believe him. That’s why . . . I want forever and we don’t get that.”
I stare at her, trying to make sense of her words. “You don’t die. Of course, you get forever.”
“Not when it comes to love. Don’t you see? He won’t love me forever, and when he casts me aside, it’ll hurt. It’s better not to fall into that whirlpool of emotions.”
“So you’re scared.”
“I’m practical. My mother was cast aside. Victor’s mother was cast aside. Sin’s.”
“Maybe Richard loves you enough to hold you forever.”
“But what if he doesn’t?”
“Sometimes you just have to take a chance.”
“Yeah, well, right now, I think I’m taking enough chances. You are aware, aren’t you, that we might not leave this city alive?” She pulls free of my hold, lies down, and presents her back to me. “And I need my beauty sleep.”
“You know, Faith,” I say quietly, “vampires and humans—we’re not so different. We all want to be loved forever. It’s scary to trust someone with our hearts, but if we don’t . . . loneliness can hurt, too.”
She doesn’t say anything. Sliding under the covers, I stare at the darkness hovering around the edges of the room. So much is at stake tomorrow, but I somehow manage to slip into the black and fall asleep.
Chapter 10
I awake to the rumble of thunder. Through narrowed eyes, I watch Faith sitting at the vanity, clipping up her red hair with a diamond-encrusted comb. She’s dressed in her usual attire of crimson leather pants and a scarlet silk blouse. Her heels match the outfit.
Sitting up, I freeze at the sight of a pile of clothes at the foot of the bed on my side.
“You’ll want to wear those,” Faith says as she rises gracefully to her feet.
I inch forward and touch the supple black leather. “I brought a suit of my own.”
“This will hug your body, make it easier to move if we get into a fight.”
I jerk my gaze over to her. “You really think that’s going to happen?”
“We just need to be prepared. You’ll also want to wear your hair up, show the ink on your neck.” She tosses me a pearl comb.
I study it. It’s beautiful, but I can tell that it’s ancient, maybe as ancient as some of the vampires I’ll meet today.
Faith walks to the door, stops. “I don’t want anything to happen to you because you mean something to Victor, not because you mean anything to me.”
She does care, whether it’s for Victor or me. She just can’t admit it.
“I get that,” I tell her.
“Good.” She glances back. “Dinner is on its way up, so hurry.”
As I get dressed, I have to admit that the leather feels great against my skin and it moves with me. Because it fits so snugly, it doesn’t get in the way when I test it with a few defensive moves. The top is a little low for my tastes, but Faith provided me with a sleek jacket that goes over it. Guess she knows me better than I realized. I wear my hair up like she suggested. Then I strap on the holster and stake that Victor gave me shortly after we first met.
I study my reflection in the mirror. I look kick-ass tough.
