Definitely, Maybe in Love

“That’s what I thought at first,” she confirmed. “All I saw was Dart at the cabin. He’s the one who broke through the door and got me out. When he took me to the car, we sat there for a while in the backseat. Maybe twenty minutes later, I realized the car was moving.”

“Who was driving?”

Julia finally looked at me. “Henry.”

“Henry,” I repeated, my mind fuzzy. “He was there, too?”

Julia bit her lip and nodded. “I honestly didn’t realize it was him at first. I was still a little out of it. Dart never left me for a second, and I guess I hadn’t noticed that Henry went inside the cabin after Dart got me out. Alex was still in there. When we stopped for gas an hour later, my purse and clothes were in the front seat. I noticed it then, Spring.”

“Noticed what?”

“Henry’s knuckles,” she whispered. “They were red and—” She broke off. “I have brothers, I know what it looks like after someone has a fight.”

My stomach hit the floor. “They fought?”

Julia shrugged helplessly. “I think so.”

“Is Henry hurt? Do you know what happened?”

Mel reached over the back of the couch behind Julia and touched my shoulder. “I’m sure Henry beat the living hell out of him, babe.”

“Besides his knuckles,” Julia said, “he looked fine. Not a mark on him, I swear, Spring. After he dropped us off, he was heading straight to the airport.”

“What?” I blinked, rising to my feet. “Henry dropped you off here?” I spun around to the front door, thinking that he might materialize from thin air. “Why didn’t he come in?”

When Julia didn’t answer, Mel said, “He probably thought you were asleep.”

“So? He could’ve woke me up.”

“I don’t think he wanted you to know he was with us,” Julia whispered, her voice watery with new tears.

“Why?” I stared at her, then at Mel, then at the wall behind them. No one had an answer.

“Maybe he had to get right back to the ranch,” Mel offered. “I mean, Cami was still there and, ya know…the horses?”

“What?” I gaped at her.

Mel spread her hands. “I don’t know. I’m just talking.”

I couldn’t help exhaling a laugh at Mel’s attempted explanation. “Well, thanks for comparing my needs to that of a horse.”

Mel batted her eyelashes. “It was too easy, babe.”

“Springer, I’m sorry,” Julia said, touching my arm.

“Yeah,” I replied, feeling sullen again. Honestly, I didn’t know what she was apologizing for. For running off and making us worry? For cutting my road trip short? Or was she proxy-apologizing for Henry not coming in to see me? I met her eyes, she looked exhausted and had probably been awake for longer than back-to-back study sessions. And of course, she’d just been through an unspeakable ordeal. “You should go on to bed,” I said.

Julia nodded, gave me a hug that I barely felt, then disappeared up the stairs.

“You can leave, too,” I said to Mel, pressing my fingertips over my eyelids.

“Yeah, not a chance. I’m making blueberry pancakes then we’re getting pedicures. My treat.”

“No, thanks,” I said, trying to smile, but the fatigue of the past day’s events was weighing down my entire body. “Maybe tomorrow. I think I’ll just crash.”

“You sure?”

I nodded. For a few minutes, Mel argued against leaving, but I was resolute, and finally, I was alone.

Too weary to climb two flights, I curled myself into a ball on the couch, trying very hard to fight back the thing creeping its way into my thoughts. Even if he’d assumed I was asleep, why would that stop him from coming in? From seeing me? I scowled at my phone, which was just sitting there, all void of new messages or calls. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around my legs, thinking of him, missing him.

That glorious Fourth of July, as Henry and I curled around each other, no official words were declared, no tender confessions divulged. I’d chosen instead to let my actions speak. I thought he felt, knew what I didn’t know how to say.

But he hadn’t come inside my house. Why?

He’d done this wonderful, magnanimous service to my little college family, and then disappeared. Not calling attention to himself, simply providing a service that only he could.

Spring, I don’t know when I’ll see you again. Those had been his last words to me. But what did they mean?

As I sat in the dark living room, watching shadows on the walls, it was almost too easy, too obvious to realize I was in love with him, and probably had been for a very long time. Being in love felt different than I thought it would. I wasn’t giving up a part of me or sacrificing what I thought I was in order to love him. I’d gained, I’d unfolded…evolved.

This made me smile; in fact, I almost laughed, but my smile broke when I realized there would be no more study sessions at the library, no more vacation trips to Washington, and no more surprise run-ins at his family’s house.

Was there anything left?

Chapter 36

“Dart said Henry went back home,” Julia relayed. She had most of her color back. Two solid days spent reuniting with the man she loved could do that. We were in her bedroom, she was on the floor inside her closet, reorganizing shoes.

“Oakland?” I asked, lifting my head off her pillow.

“First there, I think, then Montana,” she answered.

Well, at least she hadn’t said Tahiti. But still, the fact that he could’ve been in Oakland, so close, and still no phone call, made my heart feel like it was being crushed like a Styrofoam cup.

“So…do you know if he’s coming back to school? Classes start in two months.”

“I don’t know,” Julia admitted. “Dart moved back into the house across the street this morning, but I don’t know about Henry. I’m not sure Dart does, either.”

I was well acquainted with Henry’s guarded form of communicating. I wasn’t surprised that he hadn’t told Julia his plans while they were driving back from Monterey. In all those hours he and I were together at the ranch, I hadn’t once asked him if he was returning to Stanford. I hadn’t broached the subject of where he’d disappeared to after that last night at the library. For whatever reason, those didn’t seem important at the time. They seemed very important now.

“Huh,” I replied breezily, trying to blow off this information. But Julia was watching me, and I was positive she could read my eyes. I laid back and covered my face with an arm.

I don’t know when I’ll see you again. His words rang in my ears.

“Have you called him?” she asked.

I nodded, my throat feeling tight. “I haven’t been able to get ahold of him since last spring. He was supposed to give me his new number, but I left the ranch in such a hurry…” I forced my shoulders up into a shrug then let them drop. “So whatever. If he calls, he calls.”

“Uh-huh.” Skepticism wrapped around Julia’s tone.

I sat up and pushed my hair back. “I’ve been thinking about it, and I decided the whole thing was too sappy. Love and boyfriends and everything. So not me, right?” I forced myself to laugh in the sarcastic manner that used to get me through uncomfortable moments. This time, though, it sounded unnatural, and felt even worse.

“I don’t care what you say, Spring. Every girl wants someone to be sweet to her.” She sat on the bed next