In the After

wrists from the restraints.

I flex my hands. “Thank you, Dr. Thorpe.”

“You’re welcome, Amy.” She turns to the orderlies. “Would you mind standing outside? I think Ms. Harris will be more comfortable if it’s less crowded.” As they leave she calls after them, “Stay close, though.”

The nurse stands near Dr. Thorpe as they look over my chart. “I just don’t understand,” Dr. Thorpe mutters. “The medication that Dr. Reynolds prescribed doesn’t seem to be helping her. She continues to be confused and unresponsive.”

“Do you think Dr. Reynolds’s diagnosis was wrong?” the nurse asks doubtfully.

“No, of course not,” Dr. Thorpe says hurriedly. “I just fear that Dr. Reynolds may be a little too liberal with the medication. Keep her on the restricted dosage for now. We’ll see how she does.”

“And her other restrictions?”

“Let’s leave her to her room for today. If there are no problems she can begin to mingle with the other patients tomorrow. Make sure she’s escorted by an orderly at all times. We don’t want Ms. Harris to become overwhelmed.”

Before she leaves, I ask Dr. Thorpe again about the attack. “Why does it feel like it was only yesterday?”

“It’s part of your condition, Amy. Unfortunately for you, the electroshock treatments only made things worse.”

“Will my memories come back?” I ask, my voice betraying my anxiety.

“I don’t know for certain,” she admits. “But maybe if you focus on what you do remember, it will help to fill in the blanks.”

I take her advice and think back to the night of the attack, trying to remember.

* * *

It was an hour before the Guardians were sure New Hope was secure. When I got home, my mother was waiting for me, cradling Adam in her arms. “Amy,” she cried, making a strangled noise.

“Mom! Are you okay?” I ran to her and hugged her and Adam at the same time. I reached for Baby as well, squishing her to us.

“Amy, what possessed you to run off like that? You could have been killed!” My mother pulled away and peered into my face, gripping my arms tightly. “Are you hurt? Did one bite you?”

“No, I’m fine.” I didn’t know how to explain. “Mom . . . I had to help.” The more Floraes I killed, the fewer people they could slaughter. “They don’t know how to deal with them. No one here . . . Rice—is he okay?”

“Yes. Rice was working late in the lab.” She paused. “Oh, Amy honey, I know that you survived out there with the Floraes, but you’re not a Guardian. You don’t have the proper training, the right equipment.” She sighed heavily. “I’m assuming you’re the one who took the gun from my room?”

“I had to,” I say, unable to meet her gaze. “The Guardians took it from me, but I’ll get it back.”

“I’ll take care of it.” My mother rubbed her forehead with her palm and I could see the strain and guilt etched on her face. “Now that you’re here, I’m sorry, but I have to go. We’re in a state of emergency . . . I can’t believe this happened.”

“I understand, Mom. It’s all right.” I reached for Adam. “You can go. I’ll stay put.”

“Okay.” She placed Adam in my arms and kissed his head. He was awake but subdued. She leaned in to kiss the top of my head as well. “Amy, I’m proud of you for trying to help,” she told me. “But I’m more grateful that you’re safe.”

I grimaced. I didn’t even think of my mother when I went to fight the Floraes. I didn’t wonder if she was okay or how she would feel if I died; it was like I was back in the After, with no one but Baby.

My mother gathered her computer bag and looked at me with a sad smile. She kissed Adam again, then me, before heading to the door.

“I love you.” I needed her to know it.

“I love you too, Amy.” She stopped at the door. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” she told me without turning around.

I didn’t know if she meant tonight or three years ago. It didn’t matter. The nightmares of Them had returned and I wondered if they had ever really left.

* * *

“Frank, you know you have to take your meds.” Dr. Thorpe is talking to someone in the hall. I peek out my door to get a good look at him. He’s about my age, maybe a few years older. He has dark skin with curly brown hair.

Later, in the common room, I sit across from him, staring. Trying to remember. Dr. Thorpe was right. If I focus long enough on a memory, the rest comes to me. Sometimes slowly, sometimes in a flash. It took me all afternoon to piece together what happened after the attack, but I remembered my time in the Ward in a rush, the parts I was conscious for anyway.

Suddenly it hits me, who the young man is.

“You’re Frank?” I ask.

He looks at me, his dark eyes dull.

“I heard about a Frank who was in my Advanced Theory class.”

A spark of understanding glints in his eyes and he speaks without turning toward me. “I’m not crazy. I’m in here because of what I learned about the Floraes.”

“What did you learn?” I whisper, my chest tight.

He turns to me. “You don’t want to know.”

“I do . . . I do want to know. Tell me,” I plead.

“You don’t.” He raises his voice. “You don’t want to know.” He was yelling now, and the orderly who escorted me from my room rushes over and tries to calm him. I sit in my chair, concentrating, wanting desperately to understand.

“Amy, you’re sweating. Did Frank upset you?” a nurse asks.

I nod vaguely and she leads me to my room, where I’m left to wonder what Frank discovered about the Floraes, what he’s afraid to say out loud.

* * *

School was canceled the next morning while New Hope recovered. We weren’t supposed to leave our apartments. I tried to call Vivian, but a voice kept prompting me for an emergency access code. All the lines were being held for official use.

I watched the news for a while, but I couldn’t stand hearing the names of the dead read over and over, each time with new additions. They announced them alphabetically, so Vivian would be near the front. After they skipped over Alvarez for the third time, I flipped to cartoons for Baby.

There was a knock at the door and I yelled, “Come in.” Rice appeared in the living room. “Rice!” I was so happy to see him I jumped off the couch. I ran at him, nearly knocking him off his feet with a leap of a hug.

“I’m so glad you’re here. My mom told me that you were okay. I thought we weren’t supposed to leave our homes,” I said, giving him an extra squeeze.

“The director’s assistant gets special privileges.” He was holding me tight and kissed my head. “I had to stop by, especially after I heard about what you did last night.”

“My mother told you?” I asked, breaking away.

“Haven’t you been watching the news?”

“I needed a break from the death toll and I didn’t think it was good for Baby.”

“Here.” Rice took the remote and switched the channel. Baby was watching us, grinning.

I’m happy you’re here, Rice.

To my surprise, he replied, Hello, Baby. I show Amy television.

“Rice, I didn’t know you were learning our sign language.” I was impressed. I realized I’d have to watch what I said to Baby around him.