In the After

“Amy.” He takes my hand. I act as if I’m oblivious, focusing in the general direction of the television.

I know we’re being watched. It’s a constant thought at the back of my mind, as is Dr. Reynolds’s threat of the lobotomy. Amber’s blank, uncomprehending face flashes through my thoughts and I shiver.

I give Rice’s hand a tentative squeeze. Rice. I can’t stay here. Reynolds wants me gone. It’s not safe. Help me.

I will, he signs into my hand. I want to do more, but I’m being watched too. We all are. We have someone on the inside now.

In the Ward? Dr. Samuels? A glance tells me he’s talked to Rice; he’s on our side.

We can do this, Rice signs. Our eyes meet and I have to look away before I start to cry. Kay has a plan.

Yes, I sign. I’m prepared. I’m awake and ready.

“I should go,” Rice tells me, trying to let go of my hand, but I squeeze it tighter.

Promise me you’ll look after Baby, I sign. I know she’s found her real name but I’ll never stop thinking of her as Baby, the toddler I found in the After.

I will, Rice assures me. He pauses and studies the ground. He looks like he has a decision to make and I wait, tense and desperate.

Rice reaches up to his hair, rubs the back of his neck. He turns slightly and then I see it: a small, diamond scar at the nape of his neck. That’s why he wears his hair so shaggy, to cover the mark. I gasp, then catch myself and try to look drugged and uninterested.

Then he’s gone and I have to pretend that I have no feelings. All I can do now is wait. Wait and hope.

I don’t know what time it is when they come for me. It’s after lights-out, and I’m already in bed when two Guardians appear. These are my colleagues. I’d trained with them for four months.

“How did you get in?” I whisper.

“Look, sunshine, we don’t have a lot of time.” Kay looks around the sparse room. “Grab what you want to take, quickly.”

“There’s nothing.”

I mentally prepare myself for what is to come. If we’re successful, I’ll never see this place again.

“I’ve disabled the cameras,” Gareth tells me from the door. “We have five minutes to get out.”

“I’m ready.”

We make our way silently from the building. Kay uses a key card to open doors and run the elevator. I smile when I see Dr. Reynolds’s name on the side. When they check the system, it will look like Dr. Reynolds himself broke me out of the Ward. How did she manage to get it? Then I grin. Dr. Samuels.

When we’re out of the building, I head toward the dorms, but Kay stops me. “No, Amy. You can’t take her with you.”

“I can’t just leave her here.” I can’t abandon Baby.

Kay gives me a hard look. “Would you really endanger her like that? You have no choice. She does. Which do you think she’ll choose?”

I know Baby would choose me. She would willingly leave New Hope and go back to the After, just to stay by my side. But with a realization that almost destroys me, I know I can’t do that to her. She’s no longer Baby. She’s Hannah now. I think of her smiling face. She loves it here. She’s happy. She fits into New Hope better than I ever could. She has her own past and her own future, and someone who will look after her. Unlike me, she is safe here. She has Rice.

I silently nod as the tears stream down my face. Before I can change my mind, I turn away and run to the grove of trees where Gareth is waiting.

The three of us quickly make our way to the outskirts of New Hope. “The hover-copter is by the lake,” Kay whispers. “Marcus has taken to patrolling the perimeter with the Elite Eight, so keep silent until then.”

I nod, feeling the heaviness lift and the exhilaration of the night air on my skin. I am no longer in the Ward.

We soon reach the hover-copter, and Kay and Gareth climb inside. I stop at the door, suddenly choked up again. Baby. Can I really leave her behind? I need to find another home, another place we can live in safety, then I’ll come back.

“Good-bye, Baby,” I shout at the top of my lungs as we take off. I desperately want her to know that I love her, that I’m not leaving without thinking of her. “I’ll come back for you!” I yell. I know she will hear me. No matter what lies they make up, even if they tell her I am dead, she’ll know the truth.

Soon we are in the silent night sky, surrounded by stars with the dark world below us. We are all quiet on our journey and I am grateful. I know that Kay and Gareth—and Rice—have risked everything for me. It’s a debt I can never repay.

The hover-copter trip takes hours and I fall in and out of a fitful sleep. When we land, I am jerked awake. The door opens and I step out into the new day. Kay and I stand together in the warm morning sun. I smile when I think of our last ride, so many months ago.

“Thank you, Kay, for getting me out of there. How did you manage to get the hover-copter?”

“We were ordered to head south and find fresh Floraes for the director.” Kay reaches into the back and starts pulling out supplies. “So that’s what we’re doing. Orders are orders.”

“And you always follow orders.”

“Always.” She throws me a large, black pack.

I place the bag on the ground and rummage through it. It has everything I need: a synth-suit, a Guardian gun with extra ammunition, a small bow with arrows, and a water filter. There are also dehydrated food packs used for camping and a bunch of rechargeable batteries with a solar-powered charger.

“Rice thought you could trade some of that stuff for supplies later. . . . Neither of us knew what the post- aps were trading these days.”

“What post-aps?” I ask. Right now I’m more concerned with Floraes.

“You’re about thirty miles north of Fort Black.” Gareth points to the south and then runs a hand through his silver hair. “You’d better take this.” He tosses me a small black box that looks like an old-school transistor radio. I turn it over in my hands, baffled.

“It’s a personal sonic emitter,” Gareth explains. “There aren’t many Floraes out here, so it should work like a charm to keep them away. If they hear you coming, they’ll flee. You’ll want to keep it always running, if you turn it on and there’s Floraes inside the sonic radius, they’ll go berserk.”

“What’s the range?” I ask, filled with overwhelming gratitude to have such an amazing gift. I just may live after all.

“Only about a hundred feet. It’s got about forty hours of battery life, but you can charge it while it’s on.” He shows me how to pull out the solar panel and how to tell when it’s done charging.

“Thank Rice for me,” I say. I suddenly realize that I may never see him again. After everything that happened, after sharing a kiss that, at least to me, promised more, this could be the end. I shake my head to clear the thought and force myself to swallow the sting of finality.

“He said to tell you that this is one of the first prototypes. He wanted you to know the original idea was one of Vivian’s.” Vivian. Vivian is now going to keep me alive.

I give Gareth a big hug. “I’ll miss you,” I say as I start to cry softly. I turn to Kay and hug her as well. I can tell she’s tense, but then I feel her body relax, hugging me back. When I look into her face, her eyes are wet and shining.

“Be careful out there. Fort Black is not New Hope,” she warns.

“That’s what I’m counting on,” I tell her, wiping my eyes. “Thirty miles is nothing. I can be there by tomorrow morning.”

“She’s tough and smart,” Gareth tells Kay, giving me a wink. “She’ll be fine.”

“We’ve got to get back,” Kay says. “We would take you closer, but we’re working under tight time restraints. They’ll check to see how many miles we traveled.” Gareth waves good-bye and heads back into the hover-copter. Kay stands on the same spot, watching me.

“Amy, one more thing. The director visited me when you were first sent to the Ward. She told me what