the gut. She stepped forward. “You don’t think it’s me?” she whispered.
He looked down at her. “I think you have gotten yourself into something very…complicated.”
She plopped down in one of the chairs in front of his desk. “Nathaniel, I would never betray the Sanctuary. I don’t want people thinking that.”
He shook his head. “You should’ve thought of that. Before. Now the damage is done. Your reputation is scarred, and I hope whatever it is you think you have with Julian was worth what you have done.”
She frowned at him. “Julian has nothing to do with this.”
Nathaniel came back around the desk, sitting in the chair opposite her. “Do you even have a clue what you’ve done? Not only to yourself, but to the entire Sanctuary? The circle suspects you, Lily. They won’t be searching for the real culprit.”
“Then I will,” she answered. “Luke and…we will.”
He watched her carefully. “I think Luke is even more disappointed than I am.”
“Luke will get over it.” She ran her hand over the mark on her thigh. “I mean, I will talk to Luke.”
“Julian is Fallen, Lily. Did you happen to forget about Anna? Do you really think Luke, of all people, is going to ‘get over it’?”
Her fingers stilled. “Julian is different.”
“I’m sure Anna thought Crosio was different, too.”
She gaped at him. No one had spoken the name of the Fallen that had killed Anna. Crosio had only lived a few hours after Anna’s death was discovered. In a rage, Luke had destroyed him on his own.
“You forget once they lose their grace it’s in their nature to manipulate and deceive. Especially to get what they want, and they will stop at nothing to achieve it. You cannot trust Julian. Never forget that.”
An ugly thing in her reared its head. All of them treated her as if her instincts were that of a naive child who wanted to believe the best in everything. They forgot Lily had witnessed firsthand how devious the Fallen could be. A roaring heat blossomed in her, intense and consuming.
Nathaniel closed his eyes, sighing. “I see it’s already too late.”
Her hands clenched. “Too late for what?”
“You already trust him.”
She thought about saying no, but mentally said screw it. Nathaniel was already mad. “Yes.”
The tips of his slender fingers tapped along his chin as he studied her. “How far has your relationship progressed?”
Her entire face puckered up. There was no way in holy hell she was going to talk about this with him. She’d rather face a roomful of deadheads on crack than discuss her sexual activities.
“I don’t like this topic any more than you do,” he offered.
“Then don’t ask.”
He leaned forward. “If you’ve progressed to a sexual relationship with him, then I need to know. You’ve already proven a liability out there with what you did to Micah. If he attacks a Nephilim, I need to know you will be able to fight him.”
“How would me having sex with Julian prevent me from fighting him?” she demanded, cheeks burning. “That’s the most ridiculous thing.”
“Do you know nothing of the Fallen, Lily? Have you forgotten everything I’ve taught you?” He stood, running his hands through his hair. “If you’ve had sex with him, then you’ve bonded with him. You’d never be able to fight him. He’ll always—always know where you are. I don’t even know if hallowed ground could stop him if he wants to come here for you.” He turned, facing her. “Do you have any idea how much jeopardy that puts the Sanctuary in?”
Shit. How could she have forgotten that? But Julian was different. He would never use what happened between them as a way to get inside the Sanctuary. And he didn’t seem to know that he could follow her here. But his warning, before he caved to her pleas, came back to her.
Color rose in her cheeks. “Julian is different. He’s my friend—that’s all. But if he were to hurt one of us, I would be able to fight him.”
“Micah—”
“Unprovoked and without due cause,” she retorted angrily. “He tried to sneak up on Julian. Micah’s lucky I stopped his idiotic attack, because I doubt he would have successfully rendered Julian helpless or walked away from the attack.”
“Lily, this situation may spiral out of control. Once the circle…”
“Why does it have to spiral out of control?” she demanded. “You’re acting like I’ve done something horrendous. All I did was kick Micah, and you know what? I’d do it again.”
He arched a brow. “That’s nice, Lily. That’s why I must forbid you from leaving the Sanctuary without my permission.” He held up his hand the moment she opened her mouth. “You will not disappear for an entire day and expect Luke to cover for you. Each night I expect you back in the Sanctuary.”
She flew out of her seat. “You have to be kidding. You can’t do that!”
He stared back, eyes like hard stone. “Damn straight, I can! Do I need to remind you who is boss here?”
He was treating her like she was twelve! There was no way she could stand for this. She knew the circle would see what she did as a travesty of unheard proportions, but to limit her freedom like she was a prisoner was outrageous.
He turned away. “You may go to your chamber.”
Her eyes narrowed. “You have no right to forbid me to leave here.”
Nathaniel whirled, crossing the distance between them in one second. “I damn well can!”
“Nowhere in my Contract does it give you or any of them power like that. You’re acting like…you’re my father or something. You’re just my boss, Nathaniel. You just hold my Contract. You can’t stop me!”
“Stop you from what?” His arms tensed like he wanted to shake her, or worse. “Stop you from getting yourself killed or getting another Nephilim killed? Stop you from seeing Julian? Is that what this is all about? You will disobey me for him?”
Lily stood her ground. “Don’t make me choose.”
Nathaniel faltered, staring at her. Shock flickered in his eyes, and then a cold mask settled over his handsome face. “If you think there is a choice, then you’re sadly mistaken. There is no choice, Lily. It’s only your duty to the Sanctuary. Do what you will. You’re correct. I cannot stop you.”
She let out a ragged breath.
“If you ever go after another Nephilim again because of him, or put any of them in jeopardy due to your misguided faith, I will end this,” he advised coolly. “And you will be punished, Lily. I will dissolve your Contract.”
Chapter Twenty-two
The sharp slice of Nathaniel’s words haunted Lily long after she stormed out of the Sanctuary. She sucked in air sharply as she perched beside a stone gargoyle. Antsy and still energized by anger, she dropped to the ledge below and then to the alley. The first minion she came across she cut down without so much as a word. The second, she toyed with. The third minion had tried to run, but she had brought it down in cold malice.
She continued into the wee hours of the morning. Anger shifting into guilt, guilt back to fury, pity to self- righteousness, and finally by the last kill she decided that she might be bipolar.
No amount of flying from building to building assuaged the turmoil of emotions in her. At some point, she recognized the bulk of her anger was directed at herself. She had done wrong. No matter how much she saw the good in Julian, others would never see what she saw, and she shouldn’t expect them to.
When Julian met up with her, it wasn’t at their usual spot. She’d avoided the Hilton, unsure if she could face him right now. But he found her anyway, deep within Rock Creek Park.
