Her arm trembled. There were mountains of reasons why she should kill him, especially when he made no move to defend himself. It would be easy. It wouldn’t be the first time she had killed a Fallen. That was all he was to her now—another Fallen that must be dealt with.
Oh God, she couldn’t do it. Because deep inside her, some twisted part of her still loved him. A scream of frustration tore through her, and her arm dropped.
Julian pushed off the wall, capturing her slender wrists. “Lily, please stop this.”
The worst thing was for him to touch her. It reminded her of too much. She tried to pull away. When that didn’t work, she used a side kick, but Julian flipped her around. He grabbed both of her wrists in one hand, wrapping his other arm around her waist. “Damn it, stop this!”
Lily struggled fiercely, desperately needing to get away. Even now, her body responded to him, her heart ached for him. It made no sense, but she could feel the turmoil inside of him. The pain he felt.
She kicked out, and a plant crashed to the floor. Lily managed to get her feet against the wall, but Julian knocked down her legs with one powerful sweep of his arm. She yelped and swung her elbows into his sternum.
Julian groaned. “Lily, knock it off!”
She attempted to jab him in the stomach again, but he jumped out of the way and flipped her around so that her back was against the wall. He pulled her arms above her head. Pressing the full length of his body against her, he pinned her there. “Stop it!” he snarled inches from her face. “I don’t know what the hell you think I did!”
He was crushing her, or at least that was how it felt to her. Maybe it was just a wild mix of emotions that were crushing her. “You know what you did!”
“I didn’t lay a hand on your precious Nephilim!”
“Bullshit! He said—”
“The finger was pointed at me?” he asked as his grip tightened around her wrists. “Big surprise there. I’m a Fallen. It’s reason enough for most of them.”
Lily slipped one of her legs out from his, managing to kick off the wall. This seemed to only anger him. He put her back to the wall and held her there.
“I’m a lot of things, Lily. You know what I am,” he said. “I have never hidden my nature from you. I’m single-minded—selfish to the core. I brutally protect what is mine.” His eyes bore into her, flaring with anger and a need that made her go still. “I lost my grace eons ago. I’m a Fallen, but I did not touch that Nephilim. I’m not a liar.”
Lily swallowed thickly. “Neither is Luke.”
He shifted her wrists to one hand, grasping her chin. “Look at me, Lily. Listen to me,” he ordered fiercely. “You said you loved me. How can you love someone you don’t trust?”
“No! I didn’t mean it.”
“You lied? You can’t fool me. You just haven’t loved me as long as I’ve loved you.”
“No. No!” She tipped her head back, letting out a strangled cry. Yesterday—days before—she would have melted at his feet if she had heard him say that. Now her heart crumbled. “What you did to Micah…”
“Forget about Micah.” His hand slipped to the flare of her hip. “You question if I love you? Are my words not truthful? Hearing me say it is not enough for you?”
“No.” Her hands curled, and the blades retracted harmlessly into her bracelets. “I don’t want this—these lies. I don’t love you.” She was lying, desperately so, and quickly losing control of the situation, of herself. “You’re just a Fallen. I was wrong. I saw you as a man and not what you are. I can’t love what you are!”
Anger flared deep in his eyes. “You don’t believe that. Not after all the passion we’ve shared.”
She tilted her head away. Could he see through her so easily? Her heart stuttered in her chest as his hot breath caressed her cheeks, sending shivers through her.
“All I’ve ever wanted to do is protect you, ever since the first time I saw you fighting those minions and deadheads,” he said. “It was probably after you stabbed me, but damn it, I’d never met anyone like you.”
She squeezed her eyes shut. “Stop…”
“Before I knew it, I was following you when you weren’t working. I watched you put the garden together outside. I followed you when you went to that club, hating that I knew you were with someone else and not me.” He broke off, laughing harshly. “A fallen angel brought down by jealousy after hundreds and hundreds of years. You’d think I’d be above that, but I’m not. I wanted you day after day, night after night.
“Should I remind you of how much I love you?” His voice was husky, raw with emotion. “Do you need reminding of how much you love me?”
Everything was spiraling out of control. Anger and hurt, love and lust crashed down on her. Confused, she couldn’t tell where his emotions began and hers ended.
“Don’t doubt how I feel for you.” He pressed his forehead against hers. “What I would do for you.”
Lily shuddered as she twisted against the wall, desperately trying to escape the whirlwind of emotion building in her, but she was trapped.
“You question what’s between us?” he asked, his voice sounding broken. “What I would do for you?”
Lily shook her head. “What you did…”
“I did nothing but love you.”
To hear those words now shattered her, because it mirrored the strongest emotion inside her. She loved him. Cold reality slammed into her. She loved Julian.
“Lily…” he whispered, voice ragged.
Cold reality slammed into her. She pushed against his chest, stomach twisting dangerously.
“Please listen…to me.”
“No.” She swallowed against the sudden tightening in her throat. She felt sick, and her heart…God, it hurt something terrible. “I…I do love you, but I…can’t do this.”
“No, Lily, listen to me.” He looked terrified, and she had never seen him this way. “I didn’t do what you think I did.”
She closed her eyes, wanting nothing more than to believe him, but Luke would never lie to her. “Please… please stop. It’s in your nature…isn’t it? We can’t do this anymore. I brought this…on Micah. I brought this on myself.”
He took a step forward, but she threw up her arm. “You’ve said you trust me, Lily. You’ve said you love me. Why can’t you believe me? I haven’t touched another Nephilim since I met you.”
Lily met his eyes. Her heart demanded that she listen to him, to give him a chance, but her heart was foolish. “I can’t. Luke would never lie to me.”
The skin between his eyes puckered. “Is that who told you I hurt Micah?”
She nodded. “He saw you. And I trust him with my life.”
Understanding flashed across his face. “You would believe whatever Luke would tell you. He has been by your side since the beginning, hasn’t he?”
“Yes.” It was all she needed to say.
He turned his face. “Then there is nothing I can say.”
He was right. Lily loved him. God, she loved him more than anything. But what he did wasn’t something she could tuck away and pretend never happened. And this…this was bound to happen. They could not exist in each other’s worlds. She had hoped it would never be something like this that would tear them apart, but she had been stupid to rely on hope.
She took an unsteady breath. The wrenching in her chest increased. “You have to leave. Don’t…follow me —don’t look for me.”
“Don’t do this, Lily.”
She turned away, her heart breaking. “Leave—please leave. We can’t do this. I can’t look at you and not see Micah. Just leave, Julian. Please, just go.”
He inhaled unsteadily, his eyes drifting shut. Becoming as still as a marble statue, the sorrow that etched across his face was painfully striking, and resignation dulled his eyes.
He moved in a way she couldn’t stop him. Capturing her chin with his fingers, he brought her lips to his. The
