Trust in Me

“Okay, I can help.” I strolled forward, heading to the counter. “And we can talk while I help you.”

“I don’t need your help.”

“Yeah, I think you kind of do.”

Leaving the freezer door open, she spun on me. Her eyes narrowed as cold air wafted out. “What is that supposed to mean?”

Where in the hell did that come from? “It doesn’t mean what you think it does, Avery. Jesus. All I want to do is talk to you. That’s all I’ve been trying to do.”

“Obviously I don’t want to talk to you,” she snapped, picking up a pack of hamburger meat and tossing it into the freezer. “And you’re still here.”

Whoa. Anger pricked over my skin and I struggled to keep control of my temper. “Look, I get that you’re not happy with me, but you have to fill me in on what I did to piss you off so badly that you won’t talk to me or even —”

“You didn’t do anything, Cam! I just don’t want to talk to you.” She spun around, stalking toward the front door. “Okay?”

“No, it’s not okay.” I followed her into the living room. “This is not how people act, Avery. They don’t just up and drop a person or hide from them. If there’s—”

“You want to know how people don’t act?” She flinched, and for a moment, she didn’t speak. “People also don’t constantly call and harass people who obviously don’t want to see them! How about that?”

“Harass you? Is that what I’ve been doing?” I laughed hoarsely, unable to comprehend where this conversation had gone. “Are you fucking kidding me? Me being concerned about you is harassing?”

She took a step back, her eyes wide. “I shouldn’t have said that. You’re not harassing me. I just . . .” She stopped, smoothing her hands over the top of her head. “I don’t know.”

My heart rate kicked up as I stared at her. “This is about what I saw, isn’t it?” I gestured at her arm. “Avery, you can—”

“No.” Her right hand immediately circled the bracelet, as if she could somehow hide what I already knew. “It’s not about that. It’s not about anything. I just don’t want to do this.”

My patience stretched thin. “Do what?”

“This!” She squeezed her eyes shut and when they reopened, there was a fine sheen. “I don’t want to do this.”

Air went out of my lungs like I’d been punched. “Good God, woman, all I’m trying to do is talk to you!”

She shook her head slowly. “There’s nothing to talk about, Cam.”

“Avery, come on . . .” I started to take a step toward her, but stopped when she moved back, away from me. The look that shot across her face was part fear and part confusion, but it was the fear that drew me to a stop.

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. There was no way she was afraid of me, but the look on her face was like being shot through the heart with an UZI.

That reaction was killer. Had I hurt her somehow? The question was brief as it flashed through my thoughts and I knew the answer. I hadn’t hurt her.

Avery ducked her chin and looked away.

My patience snapped. “Okay, you know what? I’m not going to rake myself over fucking hot coals for this. Fuck  it.”

The moment those words left my mouth, part of me wanted to take them back. The other part of me wanted to scream them again from the top of my lungs. I headed for the door and then stopped, cursing under my breath. What came out of my mouth made me wonder if I was a glutton for punishment.

“Look, I’m heading home for winter break. I’ll be back and forth, so if you need anything . . .” She continued to stare at me like she had been, and I laughed again, realizing that all I was doing was making a complete and utter ass out of myself. “Yeah, you don’t need anything.”

I stepped out into the hall and then my body seemed to demand that I make an even bigger ass out of myself. I faced her. Avery hadn’t moved from her spot.

“You’re staying here, all break by yourself, aren’t you?” I asked. “Even Christmas?”

Her arms wrapped around her chest and she said nothing.

I worked my jaw, keeping me from saying a whole shitload of things that wouldn’t help this situation. But that was it. I realized it then. There was nothing that would help this situation. And it wasn’t like I hadn’t tried. Avery was there, in my life, at one point, and then gone the next, as if she had never been there. And that was that.

An ache burst through my chest, and with startling clarity, it felt real. Too real. “Whatever,” I said, my voice hoarse. “Have a good Christmas, Avery.”

I’ve never in my life wanted to leave home and head back to my apartment as bad as I had over Christmas. Normally I stayed right up until the start of spring semester, but I couldn’t do it with all the questions.

Where is Avery?

How is she doing?

Did she go home?

On and on they went, and I wondered those very same questions a hundred times over during break. I had no answers, and every time I picked up my phone to text her, I stopped myself. She had made it as clear as humanly possible that she didn’t want anything to do with me.

Whatever we had, as brief as it was, it was over.

My mood was somewhere between shitty and shitastic the day after New Year’s. I packed up my stuff early that morning and was out by my truck when Teresa followed me out.

Stopping beside the front of the truck, she pulled her heavy sweater close to her body as wind whipped between the house and the garage. Sleep clouded her blue eyes. “You’re leaving without saying good-bye?”

I shrugged as I shut the passenger door. “Didn’t want to wake them up.”

She stepped back as I rounded the bumper. “That’s never stopped you before.”

I didn’t say anything.

“What’s up with you, Cam?” she asked.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I glanced at her. “Shouldn’t you be wearing shoes? It’s freezing out here.”

“Flip-flops are shoes.” She hobbled back and forth, squeezing her arms tight against her body. “And you didn’t answer my question.”

Taking my hat off, I scrubbed my hand through my hair and then pulled the cap back on. I opened my mouth and I had no idea what I was about to say, but there turned out to be no words. The hollowness in my stomach, the empty, achy feeling, had grown and now it throbbed with such intensity, there was no ignoring it.

My sister looked up, squinting in the harsh, cold sun. “It’s Avery, isn’t it? You haven’t talked about her at all. And Mom really thought she’d be coming home with you since—”

“I don’t want to talk about this,” I cut her off, and her eyes widened. The last thing I wanted to think about was the fact that Avery had spent Christmas—Christmas, for God’s sake—alone. I didn’t want to feel bad for her. I didn’t want to feel anything. “Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I just need to get back to school.”

“For what?” she asked, frowning. “You have days before school starts.”

“I know.” I stepped forward, hugging my sister. For a moment, she didn’t move and then she hugged me back. As I stepped back and opened the door, I looked over my shoulder at her. “Tell Mom and Dad I’ll text them or call later.”

She didn’t immediately respond and then she nodded. “You’re going to be okay? Right?”

I climbed in the truck as I barked out a short laugh. Of course I was okay. Wasn’t like Avery and I had this extended history and it wasn’t like I had that strong of feelings for her. My attraction had to have been an infatuation, because she was something new. She was something different. That was all.

“Yeah,” I said, smiling in a way that made my lips feel weird. “I’m okay.”

Teresa watched me with a look that said she didn’t believe me at all, and I didn’t really believe myself.