Beautifully Awake

nothing more than polar opposite from his parents. It was crystal clear he hated the idea of stereotypes. Period. It seemed as well as he fit his born and bred Upper East Side neurosurgeon stereotype, he defied it. After all, most surgeons wouldn’t even risk waving their hands between sensored elevator doors, never mind box. Dr. Contradiction.

It was getting dark as we crossed over the bridge into Center City; the Philly skyline was in view. We were almost home and still hadn’t spoken about tomorrow. Reality was setting in. I shifted in my seat to shake off my nervous energy.

“What’s the matter, baby? Why so quiet?” Chase thumbed my cheek, stopping in front of my house. “Talk to me, Blue.” His brow furrowed with concern. He was incredibly sweet.

“Just thinking about this weekend, how amazing it was, how amazing you are. Just a little sad it has to end. And then there’s tomorrow-”

“Let’s get one thing straight. Nothing is ending, so get that thought out of your head. Now. This weekend was just the beginning. And as for tomorrow, my only concern is which bed we’ll be waking up in. Understand?” Feminists around the world would cringe at his tone, but damn, I found it sexy as hell. “I figured you would run in and grab a change of clothes, because we’ve already established,” he pointed to the backseat lined with shopping bags from our little city escapade, “none of that is work appropriate; that is, if you care about the wellbeing of my patients. Then we’ll head back and stay at my place. It’s closer to the hospital and since one of us needs to be up before sunrise, it seems like the best choice for tonight. We can figure out the rest later.”

Wait, one of us? The rest? Not sure which to address first, my filter-less mouth took care of that.

“What do you mean, one of us?”

“Blue, who are you kidding? Not only did you almost kill yourself trying to keep up with me in the park, which by the way was pretty fucking hot if I forgot to tell you, but you’re not getting to sleep anytime soon, follow me? Baby, the way you sleep, you’ll be lucky if you make it in by nine tomorrow.”

Anger rose from my gut.

“Let me see if I get this ... so now that I’m fucking the boss, I’m suddenly eliminated from morning rounds. Oh that’s professional, not to mention insulting. Maybe in your world, the rules don’t apply, but the rest of us-”

Chase’s mouth covered mine before I got a chance to finish my tirade. The kiss was excruciating. Pulling away only inches his eyes nailed mine.

“First. The only thing insulting is you calling what we share fucking. Got it? Second, just so you know, I have never made a case manager round in the morning after the first day. Ever. Until you. I laid eyes on you—damn, I contemplated adding fucking midnight rounds just to spend more time with you. If you’re going to be pissed, be pissed about that. And while I’m at it, I personally don’t give a shit who knows about us. Understand? We’re both adults. And there’s not a person at that hospital who would question your professionalism. They all love you, and they should. You’re awesome at your job. But it’s your call. I’ll give you that. I’ll go along with whatever you want, for now ... but I can’t promise people won’t figure it out. Blue, I’m a lot of things, but actor is not one of them.”

Speechless. There were no words. None. Zero. Damn this man leveled me. My heart almost pounded out of my chest. I grabbed his face between my palms and kissed him like my life depended on it. His lips were my new heaven. Soft, possessive, safe. Hoping my tongue’s assault spoke the words that I knew I couldn’t. I’m sorry.

“Beautiful, you ... fucking ... kill ... me,” he breathed, forehead to forehead. “Can you please go pack a fucking bag? I really need to get home and make love to my girl ... in our bed.”

Make love...

My girl...

Our bed…

Done. I was done. This beautiful man owned my broken heart.

I packed a bag—several days’ worth—and we went back to Chase’s apartment where he did as he promised.

He made love to me.

Soft and sweet.

Hands entwined above our heads, stomach to stomach, tongue cherishing tongue.

Every delicious push ... every kiss, spoke silent novels.

As broken as I was ... as tormented as his intense eyes said he was…

We were perfect. We fit.

No apologies. No explanations.

Just us. Perfection.

My head rose and fell with each of his breaths as I rested on his very naked chest. “Chase?” He softly kissed the tip of my nose. His room was dark and warm and smelled of us.

“Yeah, baby,” he whispered.

There was no fighting my tears. “I’m broken. I’m not what you think.”

“Baby, we’re all broken. You ... you are everything. And so much more.”

“Chase ... why?”

“I don’t give a shit why, Blue. The past twelve days have been the best damn days of my life. I keep asking myself, why me? I don’t deserve you ... not even close, period. None of you. Not your smile, not your laugh ... not that look in your eyes when you come and scream my name. None of it. You are pure sweet. I’m anything but. I tried to stay away. Damn, I tried.”

There was something familiar about those beautiful grey eyes that mirrored my own. He wasn’t just tormented; he was broken too.

“When you said the rules didn’t apply in my world—baby, you weren’t wrong. Fuck, you were more right than you’ll ever know. It’s fucking toxic. I’m toxic. You-”

I interrupted him because it wasn’t so long ago that his words could have been my own. “Chase, don’t-”

“Blue, baby. I couldn’t walk away now if I tried. You’re mine. Hear me? Mine ... say it.” Even in the darkness of the bedroom his eyes were as passionate as his words.

“Yours.”

“Look at me.” I was, but I knew what he meant. Look past the outside; dive deeper. “I know I don’t deserve you. But I won’t share. I can’t. I’m not built that way. Not any of you. You’re mine, baby.” He needed reassurance as much as I did that this was real.

“Yours, baby ... yours.” Because as much as I was his, he was mine.

Then Dr. Possessive did what he does and made love to me again. And suddenly sleeping in seemed like the best idea. Ever.

13 Girl coffee

Iglanced at my phone trying to focus, still half asleep. I had to change that damn text alert chime. And I really needed to stop sleeping in contacts.

I’m in labor

Oh my god. Pick up. Why wasn’t she picking up the damn phone?