“I know how much you love Cape Cod and how it holds so many
I knew exactly what he meant. We both laid a piece of our heartache to rest at that beach and found peace. For me, I buried the heartache from the loss of an unborn child and the loss of control over my life after it was stolen from me during that one stormy night. For Chase, he scattered his sister’s ashes and buried the guilt of one night’s choices that led to tragic events beyond his control.
“It’s our peaceful place and the place where you told me you love me. I want us to keep creating memories there ... I saw it behind us that morning on the beach when you went running. It’s perfect ... it’s ours. And I think you’re gonna love it.”
“A house?” I barely squeaked out past my swelling emotion. This was all too much to take in.
“Yeah, baby, a beach house. For us to go anytime we want to get away. And whenever you’re ready, because that’s your call too, I want us to get married on that beach, our spot. Truth, baby ... I will love you. Forever. Not a fucking second less. You with me, Blue?” That wasn’t really a question.
“Oh my god, Chase, I really don’t know what to say. This is ... you are ... amazing,” I cried. Hard.
29
Stairs
“Morning, Dad, it’s me.”
“I know, babydoll.” He chuckled.
“Did I wake you? I know it’s early.”
“Nah, just having coffee.” Like father, like daughter. “Why are
“No, not anymore, the case manager on Chase’s team called in sick and my supervisor called to see if I could go in this morning for a little bit and help out.”
“Oh, okay, no big deal. Sharon and I can find our way to the airport later.”
“No chance, Dad, I’m still bringing you. There’s no way I’m letting you leave without one more big hug.”
“All right, babydoll. Sounds good.”
“I’ll call you when I’m leaving the hospital. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
I took my seat next to our mildly sedated patient and squeezed his hand. I smiled under my mask, remembering what a complete nightmare I was the first time I stepped foot in the operating room. I had been queasy and sweating, staring at the sexiest grey eyes I’d ever seen. And now that sexy neurosurgeon was mine and reminded me often. Just a mere two months ago I was fading and hiding underneath everything bad that ever happened to me. It was my existence. Then one man came along and crushed the only existence I had known for three years and dug deep to see beneath my beautiful.
“Lili ... Lili.”
I snapped my head up. “Oh, sorry ... I didn’t hear you.”
The circulating nurse was standing right over me. “I could tell. You looked a million miles away. Dr. Colton said you should pick out the music ... and just so ya know, happy to have you back. It’s been real quiet since you switched services.”
“Really?” I smiled and walked over to turn on the iPod.
“Doll!” Guy called out, sounding genuinely happy to see me. He finished donning his gloves and did that spinny thing with the scrub nurse. Somehow it tied the gown up, but it looked more like a cheesy dance move.
“Hey Guy,” I said, relieved there was nothing awkward lingering between us. It was starting to feel like old times. Jack backed through the door at the same time.
“No wonder Colton’s in a great mood.” Guy approached the head of the table and started prepping the patient’s freshly shaved head. “Missed you on our service this month, doll.”
Damn mask, it was a crime to hide those dimples.
“Ditto, Kiddo.”
“Hey, Jack.” I chuckled at his stupid humor. I missed the boys. Too bad Sam had the day off. Hopefully catering to his pregnant wife.
“What do you think the chances are I can talk her into permanently joining my team?” Chase’s voice was matter of fact, his usual professional self, but his eyes kissed mine from across the room. Talk about a one eighty from the last time I sat in his OR hoping no one caught on to what was between us. There was not a scrub mask big enough to hide what I felt for this man.
Jackson pelted Chase with a dude-are-you-high look. “No offense, Colton, but fat chance.” Only he could get away with that.
Guy seconded the notion. “Yeah, Colton, good luck with that.”
“Hmmm, we’ll see.”
I loved Chase’s confident resolve, but I agreed with the boys.
“Okay, let’s get started.”
The case went smooth as butter. It was amazing to see how the three of them had morphed into a well- oiled machine over the past two months, reading each other’s moves and anticipating every step. Chase would never admit it, but he was seriously unhappy about losing Guy next rotation. On more than one occasion he slipped about what an asset Guy had been and how impressed he was with his surgical skill. Guy was definitely getting a kickass recommendation for his neurosurgery fellowship. I’d make sure of it.
I handled my part like a pro; I was proud of myself. Mid-case, anesthesia briefly woke the patient up so they could do their brain mapping/tumor removing business, while I kept him calm and talking. He was a forty-five year old father of two, ironically from Massachusetts and had the coolest job. Lobster fisherman. I quietly gushed that I’d probably be spending a good amount of time at the Cape next summer, and he promised to hook me up if he made it out of this surgery in one piece. Needless to say, lobsters were in my future. Even before anesthesia put him back to sleep, the surgical team agreed the procedure was a success. No surprise there, Chase had it covered.
Oddly enough, I liked the operating room. Not enough to commit to the neuro service and abandon pediatrics, but enough that I could skip the nervous stomach routine next time the rotation rolled back in my direction. Good thing too, since Chase wasn’t kidding about making up for lost
“We’re just about done here. Blue, why don’t you get going? Go get your dad and Sharon to the airport.”
“You sure?” Not like I was doing anything at this point other than listening to Guy and Jackson bullshit while they closed. Still not sure what “closing” entailed exactly, but it always seemed to take forever. Then again, a poor man’s skull was just sawed open. Taking time closing it back up sounded like a solid idea. But I still felt guilty cutting out early.
“Go, we got this.”
He didn’t need to tell me twice. If I hurried, I could spend an extra hour with my dad before he and Sharon took off. I was biting at the bit to share my crazy news from last night. Although I wasn’t quite sure how my dad would respond to that conversation.
