Cipher

“It’s not that. I mean, it’s a little bit that, but…” All the ways someone could die kept running through her head. Even a shark attack, which seemed unlikely, mixed in with the more common ways, like choking and car wrecks. “I’ve just had a rough day, and I feel really weird.”

“Well cheer up already.”

That was Kendall’s solution. As if you could simply tell yourself to cheer up and all your problems would melt away. Of course, if Summer told Kendall the same thing when she was upset, she’d be furious. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

“Good,” Kendall said. “Now, let’s go tell the boys it’s time to kill the videogames so we can watch the movie.”

The four of them squished on the couch in the living room and started the movie, a romantic comedy that had both guys groaning. It was bad enough, Summer wasn’t all that impressed either.

About thirty minutes in, Jack and Kendall disappeared into one of the bedrooms.

The second they were gone, Cody turned and kissed her, no longer keeping it to small pecks, but lots of tongue and groping. She closed her eyes, trying to let his kisses and the sensation of his fingertips on her skin carry her away.

They ended up horizontal on the couch, his weight pressing into her. But every time she closed her eyes, she relived all the deaths she’d seen: The lifeless eyes; the bloody, broken bodies; the last, shuddering breaths.

She broke the kiss and locked eyes with Cody. “What would you do if you knew you were going to die?”

He kissed her neck and ran his hand up her back. “I’m getting to that.”

She pushed both hands against his chest. “I’m serious.”

Cody’s eyes were half-lidded, his voice husky. “Baby, I want to take things to the next level. I don’t want to talk.”

A riotous mixture of hurt and anger rose up in her. “Funny, because I think talking is a better way to take things to the next level.”

He ignored her and moved to unhook her bra, pressing a kiss to her lips.

“Stop,” she said. He wasn’t the best listener, so she had to shove him. Hard.

He blew out a heavy breath, frustration coming off him in waves. “Come on, baby. We can talk about anything you want later.”

Summer righted herself, tugging her shirt down. “It’s not going to happen, so you might as well stop with the babies.”

This tired scenario kept happening. Cody wanted to take things further, but she wasn’t ready. He got more upset each time. When she wasn’t so preoccupied and his kisses and touch made her deliciously dizzy, it wasn’t always easy for her to put the brakes on their make out sessions either. Then she’d wonder what was wrong with her, worry he was going to dump her, and feel guilty she was so confused over taking the next step. But right now, she didn’t feel any of those things. He’d totally ignored her question and what she wanted, so this time, he wasn’t going to be the only mad one.

Sure enough, the muscles along his jaw tightened and his chest was heaving with shallow breaths. “Kendall and Jack have already done it, and we’ve been dating for longer than they have.”

Summer crossed her arms. “Oh, now I am in the mood. If they’re ready, I’m ready.”

“That’s not what I mean.” He plowed his fingers through his hair, then brought his arms down, his shoulders slumping as he exhaled. “I’m just saying, I’ve been patient…” He reached out and took her hand. “And I love you.”

The anger heating her veins cooled and guilt rose up to take its place. Cody had no idea why she was so upset, because she hadn’t told him. It wasn’t his fault. And he loved her—he told her all the time. So when he leaned in to kiss her, a questioning look in his eye, she let him. This time, she kept her eyes open, letting his face fill her vision. Intoxicating heat spread through her veins as he slid his tongue in to meet hers—damn, the boy knew how to kiss. She focused on the pleasant chills traveling through her body, inhaling his scent as the edges of the world went fuzzy.

Then his hands started roving again, moving to unbutton her pants. The world snapped back into relief. Summer grabbed his hand and held it firm. “I think you better take me home now.”

The lights from the ignored movie lit up Cody’s face, emphasizing the frustration on his features. “I can’t keep doing this, Summer. If you’re not ready, maybe I should find someone who is.”

His words cut into her, sending a sharp pain through her chest. Then fear mixed in with the hurt, the combination stealing her breath. I do care about him, and I don’t want to lose him.

Looking into his eyes, though, she didn’t see love or concern. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. I want my first time to be because I love somebody and I want to do it, not because I’m scared of being dumped.

Her throat tightened. “I guess you’ll have to find someone else then.”

Cody pushed himself to his feet and stormed out the front door. The slam echoed through the room. Summer thought he’d only gone to cool off, but then she heard the engine fire up. It revved, and then got quieter and quieter, until she couldn’t hear it at all.

He just left me here. Apparently, he’s going to find someone this very minute.

Kendall and Jack were doing who knew what in his bedroom—well, she had a pretty good idea—and calling Dad would bring up more questions than she wanted to answer. He’d kill Cody if he found out about this.

After running through all of her options, Summer took her phone out of her purse. She scrolled down her contacts until she reached the name she was looking for. Her finger hovered over the button for a moment before she made the call. She held her breath as it rang, not even sure what she’d say, but knowing he’d come get her if she asked.

When it went to voicemail, she disconnected without leaving a message. Loneliness settled over her, pressing against her like a weight. I have no one, I’m seeing some kind of heavenly messenger, and Cody and I just broke up.

Tears filled her eyes. At first she wiped them away. Then she went ahead and let them flow.

Chapter Three

The knock on the bedroom door startled Summer out of her daze. She’d spent most of her Saturday moping around in her room, torturing herself with happy memories of her and Cody. She closed the window on her laptop that showed the picture of her and Cody cuddling at the beach, wiped her fingers under her eyes in case there were any leftover tears, and sat up on her bed. “Yeah?”

Dad cracked the door open. “Cody’s here.”

Did I hear him right, or have I been staring at pictures of us for too long? “Cody’s… here?”

“That’s what I said.”

“Why?”

“Do you want me to ask him?” Dad said. “I’d be more than happy to interrogate him.”

Summer swung her feet to the ground. “No. Tell him I’ll be right there.”

Dad nodded and closed the door behind him. She hadn’t told him about the break up yet. It had been awful enough to rehash it with Kendall and Jack last night when they’d driven her home. Kendall kept saying it would all blow over, which had pissed Summer off. Cody had pushed her, then abandoned her. How did that blow over? Of course, she didn’t say that; she simply sat nodding, waiting for the moment she could be alone in her bed to do the ugly cry.

All day she’d tried to convince herself that the breakup was for the best. Only then she’d think of a good memory, and suddenly she was listening to songs that reminded her of him and pulling up all their pictures. She told herself over and over that while he used to be sweet—while he still had sweet moments—he’d done