Cinderella Screwed Me Over

I’m caught up, but that’s just too bad, because this is an emergency bride situation.

Stephanie got out a tissue and wiped her nose. “Okay. You want to go to Blue?”

“No way.”

“Come on. We can feel him out. It’ll help me get my mind off my problems.”

“I already know what happened. We went out, he decided I’m not that cool, so he’s avoiding me. It saves me a lot of trouble, actually. Things will be a little strange when I bump into him, but it won’t be horrible. Not like if we’d done a big, full-blown relationship.” I grabbed my purse. “That said, I’m not ready to face him yet. I’m in the mood for Mexican food anyway.”

…

After eating food swimming in chili sauce and cheese, Steph and I started on the wedding problems. I wrote down all the places I could think of that might have workable vases. The heart-shaped ones she’d special ordered were pink-and-white swirled glass. Because they had to be tall enough to hold the cherry blossoms, they were an uncommon size.

With everything else that was going to be on the tables at the reception, I doubted anyone would notice if some of the vases weren’t exactly the same. It would bother Stephanie, but she’d probably be distracted enough with everything else going on to get over it.

Then again, her expression said it was the end of the world, so maybe not.

Anthony called as I was finishing up my list. A few minutes into their conversation, they were saying things like, “No, I’m sorry,” and “I love you so much.” All the makeup stuff couples say. No matter how cynical and pessimistic I was, I really did think Stephanie and Anthony went well together. I knew they’d be back to hourly phone calls by the time Steph and I figured out what to do about her vases.

My phone rang and I answered it. Mrs. Crabtree told me how much she loved the sculpture I’d picked out for her bathroom, which gave me an idea for Steph’s problem.

When Steph and I finished our respective phone calls, I tore off the list of places and shoved the paper in my purse. “I’ve got an idea. I’m not sure what it’ll cost or if she’ll do it, but we can try.”

Twenty minutes later, Stephanie and I were in the gallery where Tina’s artwork was on display. “Good to see you again.” Tina looked from me to Stephanie. “Whoa. I can tell you guys are sisters. You look so much alike.”

“We’re not, actually.” Stephanie draped her arm over my shoulders. “I consider her the sister I never had, though.”

I quickly explained the situation to Tina, and asked her if she’d be offended at the idea of creating similar- looking vases for Steph—I knew some artists considered recreating someone else’s work for money selling out. “It’s six weeks away, and we need five vases.”

Tina studied the picture. “Like yea big”—she held out her hands—“with a skinny hole to place the cherry blossoms?”

“Exactly.”

“No worries. You front me the money to get the supplies, and I can have them done in a few weeks.”

“Really?” Stephanie shrieked. “That’s just the best news!” She pulled me into a hug. “You’re the best! You don’t even believe in marriage and you’re still fixing mine.”

“I’m fixing your reception,” I said. “You’re going to have to do all the work on the marriage.”

“Don’t ruin my mood, Darby. Everything’s perfect and I’m happy.” Steph jostled me. “Just be happy with me.”

I smiled and acted excited, too. I’d learned to never argue with a bride before her wedding.

Rapunzel Case Study: Ralph/The Prince

My Age: 23

There are several princes who remain unnamed in fairy tales. It’s like all they had to do was be a prince to make the girl happy. Sometimes, though, if you get desperate enough, anyone will do. I’m sure Rapunzel felt that way. When you’ve been locked in a tower all your life, you take what you can get.

I hadn’t been locked in a tower, but I’d landed point on my first account. I threw myself into my work to make sure I didn’t screw it up. I hardly left my office; my hair was long and ratty because I was in desperate need of a trim. On top of everything else, I was trying to help Mom as she helped Devin and his fiancee, Anne, plan their wedding.

After dating Anne all through college, Devin asked her to marry him. Back when they’d first started planning the wedding, I’d been dating Charlie, so I’d sent back the RSVP card for both of us. I guess Anne and Devin never got the memo about my breakup.

When I informed Anne the Saturday before her wedding that I was going to be dateless, she exploded. Everything was planned, food had been ordered, and she wanted me to have a date. I would’ve taken Stephanie, but the reason she wasn’t coming in the first place was she was flying to Florida to see her grandparents.

Later that night, I took Devin aside. “How am I going to find a date for next weekend? It’s not like you go pick one up at a grocery store. And when did Anne get so crazy?”

Devin peeked around the corner, then leaned in. “It’s the wedding stuff. It makes girls go crazy. It’s enough to scare the crap out of a guy, you know.”

I smiled. “So, what you’re saying is she’s acting like a girl about her wedding?”

He scowled at me. “It’s not funny, Darby. Just find a date so she’s happy. I’ve never asked you for much, but—”

“You ask me for stuff constantly. You’ve still got half my CD collection.”

“Hon? Where are you?” Anne walked into the kitchen. She narrowed her eyes at Devin and me huddled together. “What’s going on?”

Devin looked at her, panic flashing across his face. “Um, Darby was saying she knows a guy she can bring.”

My jaw dropped. He totally threw me under the bus! The crazy-bride bus.

Anne’s face lit up. “Oh good. I know it seems strange that I care about stuff like that, but I’ve been so stressed and I just want everything to be perfect.”

Devin walked over and put his arms around her. “Of course you do. You deserve the best.”

They started kissing, so I left the room, wondering how I was going to scrounge up a date. Asking a guy to go to a wedding with you isn’t exactly like asking him to dinner or the movies. To a guy, it’s the equivalent of saying, Hey, I want to marry you someday, so let’s go see how another couple does it.

Not wanting to risk ruining Devin and Anne’s special day, my top priority became getting a date. Steph and Jimmy Delfino were hot and heavy yet again, so when I got really desperate, I asked him if he had any single friends.

That’s how I ended up taking Ralph to my brother’s wedding. When I showed up at Ralph’s door to pick him up, the first thing he said was, “You’re not ugly. I thought since you couldn’t find a date, you’d be ugly.”

I should’ve run, should’ve given up on the whole mandatory-date thing right then and there. You gotta wonder what Rapunzel thought after she was saved. Did she look at the prince and think, Wow, I feel like I owe him, but he’s really not who I want to be with? If he was anything like Ralph, that’s exactly what happened. I pulled him into my life, then immediately regretted it. I wished I would’ve let him walk on by.

All during the ceremony, I had to keep pushing Ralph’s hand off my leg. He’d set it on my thigh and inch it up a little at a time. We were in a chapel, and he was trying to feel me up! After the ceremony, I wanted to tell him to go, but I was his ride. I owed him for doing me this big favor.

Things at the reception only got worse. When Ralph called me a prude and took off, I was relieved. He could go eat and drink and leave me alone. It was nice to not have to be constantly pushing him off me.

I laughed and caught up with my seven giants. Drew, Devin, Gil—the whole gang was there. We laughed and even did some dancing.

I’d just gotten back to my table when one of Anne’s bridesmaid’s came up to me and pulled me aside. “You need to do something about your boyfriend. He’s hitting on all of the bridesmaids, and he just told Anne that he liked married women, so to give him a call. She won’t say anything to Devin because the last thing she wants at