first weeks, I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t bear the nights or the nightmares, so I stayed awake. I had horrible, horrible headaches, and one night when I went looking for aspirin, I spied a bottle of Vicodin left over from Mark’s knee surgery. It took the edge off. Allowed me to sleep. Soon I was doctor shopping because it took more and more to dull my pain. It was frighteningly easy to do. A friend found me passed out on my living room floor one morning.
“I got help. Got off the drugs, but more important, I got on with living. That’s what I wanted to say to you today, and it came out with a lot of anger and frustration. You see, I understand your pain. I understand your despair. I understand why you walked away from your family and your friends and your career. Because I do, I know what a big step you took today. I also have a caution for you—something I learned through bitter experience.”
“What is that, sweetheart?”
She blinked back sudden tears and cleared her throat. “Emotional healing doesn’t follow a straight line. It’s often one step forward, two steps back.”
“A curved mountain road with switchbacks and dips,” he said, a faint smile playing on his lips.
“Exactly. I didn’t know that, and when I descended into one of those dips, I grew terribly discouraged. I gave those setbacks more power than they needed to have. I was lucky because I had a friend who understood. He made me promise to call him day or night when I felt myself starting to slip. That saved me, Lucca. It continues to save me.”
“Wait.” Lucca shoved to his feet. “Wait just one minute. You already have someone? A guy? I thought you were alone. Who is this paragon?”
“Pardon me?”
“Your friend. The man who understands you.”
“His name is Daniel Garrett.”
“At risk of being blunt, where the hell was he Saturday night?”
Hope sat up straight and looked at Lucca in surprise. “I don’t know,” she said, wonder in her tone. “I didn’t talk to him. I didn’t call.” Her brow furrowed and she added in amazement, “I didn’t even think to call.”
Lucca gave her a long look, then shoved his hands in his back pockets. “Does he live here?”
“In Eternity Springs? No, Boston. Daniel lives in Boston.”
“Okay, then. That shouldn’t change anything.”
Hope didn’t understand what Lucca was muttering about or why he looked so cranky. She wasn’t paying that close attention, either, though, because her mind had returned to Saturday night. The fact that she had walked next door to Lucca’s rather than pick up the phone and call Daniel disconcerted her. It bothered her even more that she’d done it and never realized it.
In the past five years of their acquaintance, she’d called Daniel dozens of times when she’d been hurting. She’d visited him more than once while in the depths of despair.
She’d never had sex with him. That had never been part of their relationship. Yet, the first excuse she’d had, she’d gone to Lucca for sex.
Lucca dismissed the subject of Daniel by grabbing her hands and pulling her to her feet. Rather than release them, he clasped them tighter and waited until she lifted her gaze to meet his. “You are an amazing woman, Hope. Thank you for telling me about Holly. What happened to you … I cannot imagine. Has to be one of the worst stories I’ve ever heard. The fact that you not only are still walking upright, but thriving and doing wonderful things with your life … you shame me.”
“I didn’t tell you my story in order to shame you.”
“I know that, and that’s why it does. You were right to kick my ass today at lunch. I want to kick my own ass, now.”
He had demons. She had demons. Different, true, but yet they could relate. Maybe that was why Lucca had come into her life. Maybe she was meant to help him. Maybe he was her purpose.
“Stop it, Lucca. Your pain is real, just as real as mine. That’s the point. Grieving is individual and it’s not right or fair for a person to say that my grief is worse than yours or that my tragedy is more tragic. That’s stupid. I don’t want to shame you, Lucca. I want to support you and celebrate with you. You faced one of your demons today. You conquered the beast.”
“You helped me do it.”
“Exactly. You’ve spent your time bearing your burden by yourself. Now it’s time to rely on family and friends, time to reach out. Time to share the load.”
“Great minds think alike.” He gently brushed a stray curl away from her eyes. “You know, Ms. Montgomery, I get the sense that you are speaking to yourself as much as to me.”
“You’re right. I am.” She released a long sigh. “I hate to be pitied, Lucca. It rubs me the wrong way.”
“Note the lack of pity here. Sympathy, yes. But no pity. Even the hint of pity is curb-stomped by admiration.”
“I’m glad.” she smiled up at him. Lucca Romano could be a very nice man when he wanted. “Thank you.”
“Yet another thank you. Aren’t we just a mutual admiration society today?” Hope gave a little laugh at that. Lucca stepped closer and slipped his arm around her waist. “Since I’m speaking about admiration, Ms. Montgomery, allow me to mention how much I admire your mouth and how you use it. Use it on me now, would you?”
Lucca dipped his head and kissed her. She tasted of butterscotch and tears and … Hope. It began as a sweet kiss, a comforting kiss, but as their lips clung, fire kindled, and his hands began to roam. He backed her up against a locker and just as things got interesting, he heard a knock on the door. A man’s voice called, “Janitor.”
They didn’t speak as they walked home, the mood between them comfortable. Lucca held her hand, and he kissed her thoroughly again at her front door, serenaded from inside by her barking dog. He wanted to ask her to invite him in, but he knew this wasn’t the right time. “We still on for dinner Friday?”
Her teeth tugged uncertainly at her bottom lip. “You haven’t changed your mind?”
“Not at all. I’m looking forward to it. I’ll see you before then, of course. We have practice on Thursday.”
“We do?”
“Yeah.” He gave her one more quick kiss. “We do. I’m actually looking forward to it. G’night.”
The bright smile she gave him warmed him the rest of the way home.
Later, after almost killing himself by attempting to eat the truly bad Mexican casserole Gabi had deposited in his fridge after cleaning out her own prior to her trip, Lucca settled into his living room recliner and called his twin. “Guess what I did today,” he began.
“All right,” Tony replied. “You tried to hang a picture for Mom at the B&B and she changed her mind seventeen times.”
Lucca laughed. “No … only because we still have lots of work to do over there before we get to picture hanging. I helped coach at the local high school’s hoops practice.”
“Did you really?” Tony’s voice echoed delight. “Well, hot damn. So, how’s the team?”
Lucca started to reply “Pitiful,” but changed his mind. “Full of heart, but shy on natural talent. Except for one kid. He could be a player.”
“Oh, yeah? Tell me about him.”
For the first time in longer than he could remember, Lucca and his twin talked hoops. It was something they’d done most all of their lives, and it was part of who they were as men, professionals, and brothers. “Damn, I’ve missed this,” Tony said when the topic wound down. “I can’t tell you how glad I am you called.”
“Me, too.”
His voice cautious, Lucca asked, “So, when do you think that you’ll come back?”
“Back where?”
“To coaching.”
“You mean collegiate coaching?”
“Yeah.”
