the famous theater critic were also grinning as was sour-looking Franklin Pierce Adams known simply as FPA with his big nose and mustache chewing an unlit cigar and next to them sat a serious guy with the glasses and tall fuzzy hair. I told the kids he was George S. Kaufman, a very famous playwright and next to him sat George Gershwin himself, America’s leading composer of Broadway, jazz and popular music, that long nose unmistakable, and sure enough, there was Harpo, dressed in a proper suit, his somewhat frizzy hair was unmistakable.
“That’s Harpo…” I pointed out to the kids….
“Harpo!!!” Lauren cried out. Jonathan flashed him his big wide grin. Before I could stop her she rushed out of her chair and stood in front of the Round Table, smiling shyly. I jumped up quietly and whispered loudly to her:
“Lauren…get back here, behave!” Other diners started to look at us. Standing there, embarrassed, I started to apologize to them but Harpo, like the wonderful person he was, looked at her and flashed her his crazy smile, eyes wide, full of mischief. Then he crossed his eyes and made the ‘gookie’ face, cheeks puffed and mouth puckered… then relaxed into a nice smile and motioned her to come over to him and took her on his knee, grinning.
“Harpo!!!” Lauren cried out.
Lauren beamed at him with admiration.
“Hi there, cutie,” he said, sounding a lot like his brother Groucho.
Lauren’s eyes widened and she laughed: “You can’t talk!”
He laughed in surprise and Dorothy Parker said in her slow voice:
“He can talk, daaarling, but he doesn’t SAY anything..”
The whole table laughed, including Harpo, giving his silly grin.
Gershwin leaned over smiling and said, “What’s your name, sweetie?”
Lauren laughed “Lauren-Michelle…”
He beamed at her, “You know I think I should call you funny face?”
She laughed. “I don’t have a funny face!”
“You have a very pretty face, but you’re so cute, it’s funny, see?”
She laughed, not understanding.
“Say George,” said Kaufman.
“Yes George?” Gershwin replied.
“That’d make a good name for your new musical, y’ know.”
Gershwin nodded, “Not bad, George, not a bad idea at all,” he thought a moment, then winked at his fellow diners and said, as if with sudden inspiration, “How’d you like me to write a song about you, Lauren with the funny face?”
She smiled shyly, “I don’t know…”
“Well, that’s just what I’m going to do, call it Funny Face! Your name will be in lights, on Broadway, in manner of speaking, how about that?!” he said spreading his arms as if making a billboard, with a big smile.
She hid her face. Harpo bounced her on his knee, flashing his crazy smile, and clapped.
Dorothy, very cool, said:
“
They all laughed.
“George, you had better do it… she has a vicious bite you know…” said Woollcott with a satisfied grin.
“Oh…. I do NOT!” Dorothy said pretending to be offended. “And don’t look at me in that tone of voice!”
“Now, now Aleck, isn’t that a little harsh? Mrs. Paakah is our Little Nell….” said Benchley defending her in his broad Boston accent.
“Mr. Benchley … my gallant knight….” said Dorothy as she turned to him smiling.
“But also our Lady Macbeth,” Benchley continued.
They all broke up into laughter at her expense as she gave him a frown.
“Leaving a trail of broken hearts and punctured egos in her wake…” continued Woollcott.
“My beauty and brains Burn like beautiful flames;
If my men get burned, ‘Tisn’t I who’s to blame.”
Dorothy said as she flashed Woollcott a triumphant smile, taking a drag on her cigarette, making it glow an angry red.
“Touche!” said Benchley with a broad grin at Woollcott.
The others chuckled at Woollcott’s expense.
He just sighed and shrugged his shoulders in defeat.
I knew that Gershwin was working on a new musical that would open at the Alvin Theater in November, called ‘Funny Face’ so I wondered if he was just kidding or she really WAS the inspiration for the musical’s name?
I apologized again and told Lauren, “Come on, we’ve bothered these good people enough…”
Dorothy replied: “They belong to you then?”
“Grandkids, uh…Mrs. Parker… ?” I said, unsure how to address this famous poetess.
“They are indeed,” she said. “Mrs. Parker? My so formal…Mr. Parker and I are separated, darling,” she smiled at me. “Just call me Dottie.”
“Th… thank you, uh, Dottie,” I stammered out.
“Won’t you join us, Mister, uh…?” asked the always friendly Heywood Broun.
“Mayer… Mike Mayer. Nothing I’d like more but I promised the kids a ride on a 5th Avenue bus later, and you know how kids are about promises… ”
“Couldn’t say,” said Dottie with a smile. “You’re staying here at the ‘Gonk?” she asked taking a long pull on her cigarette.
“Yes, we’ll be here until next Saturday.”
“Perhaps we’ll see each other again?” she said with a smile.
“I would be honored,” I replied.
FIFTH AVENUE
I thanked them, excused us and we sat and finished our lunch, the Round Table’s traditional $1.75 ‘Blue Plate Special’ of broiled Spring Chicken and, of course, free light, fluffy popovers and butter. I felt as if I had just visited Heaven, that I was able to talk with these legendary artists, and I could not concentrate on my food. Lauren certainly made a big hit. The Round Table group waved goodbye as we left and headed for Fifth Avenue.
The weather was very cool, the high 60’s, as we stepped outside and walked to 5th Avenue, crossed to the northbound side and waited for one of the famous open-topped double-decker buses, just now making its way towards us.
We boarded and I paid our nickel fares and climbed to the open top.
“This is funnnnnn!” Jonathan said.
“Yeah!” Lauren laughed as we took our seats near the front, cool wind in our faces, heading up 5th Avenue. Of course it looked much different now, none of the modern steel and glass skyscrapers of our time. We passed
