about what had happened. We sat for the most part in silence, me in his arms, while he stroked my side gently with his fingertips until I was lulled into a peaceful sleep.
22
For a little over a week, I was in zombie mode again. I had repeated nightmares of the horrific murder of my therapist. Even though she had only been in my life for a short period of time, Candice Davenport had become very influential, instrumental, and important to my healing process and my newfound happiness. It was just one more setback my mind could not seem to deal with.
Even though I begged them not to, the guys postponed their fishing trip so
Walker and Jim could stay and help take care of me. I took the rest of the week off work, using the time to lock myself in my house, eat junk food, and hang out with Walker.
Luckily, he was good at being silent, caring and doting. I was so thankful he was there. Every night he held me while my nightmares took over, waking me up in panics and sobs. He would rock me to sleep in his strong, protective arms, stroking my hair, kissing my cheeks and whispering that everything was going to be alright. He always made it a point to remind me that he would never let anything hurt me,
A little too fast, Monday morning rolled around again, signaling the first day back to work. I rolled over to crack my eyes just enough to see that my clock on the nightstand said I had two more hours to sleep, but my body was saying otherwise. The stab of longing for my late husband hit my heart when I remembered the dream I had about him. Between the two of us, Randy was the more romantic one, and loved to surprise me as often as he could. I had dreamt about one morning when he woke up me up with a bouquet of long stem red roses and instructed me to get dressed.
Randy had called me out of work sick before I had even woken up so I wouldn’t feel guilty about playing hooky, saying, “Well, what’s done is done. It would be a waste to not take advantage of it.” We ended up driving to the historic district of St. Augustine, and ran around the old city exploring. He had made reservations at an upscale restaurant on the water and a beautiful suite at a historical hotel. For no particular reason, he showed me time and time again how much he cared about me.
Memories and dreams like those made it impossible to push my pain away and I felt like the wind had been knocked from my chest. Burning tears formed in my eyes as I pulled my pillow on top of my face, trying to fight back the flood of emotions. The only relief this dream gave, was that the grotesque scene of Candice’s bloody body, wrapped in my arms while I knelt on the floor screaming and crying had left me alone for one evening.
All of a sudden, my senses were awakened when the other side of my bed moved a little.
For the next few minutes, I let myself push Randy, my adulterous feelings, and my horrible memories out of my mind, trying to enjoy Walker’s smooth, bare ruggedness pressing against me. He gently stroked my arm, lulling me back into light sleep until my alarm clock rudely interrupted our cuddling. I could feel Walker sigh against my neck, leaning over me to hit the snooze button.
My eyes shot open and reluctantly, I pulled away from his slightly aroused body, climbing out of bed. As I scampered off to the bathroom for a steaming hot shower, he grumbled about only needing five minutes in a husky drawl.
As the water cascaded down my back, my stiffness finally started to unwind. Missing my husband was never going to go away; I just wished that the guilt of still living would. And now with Candice on my conscience too, the pain was amplified.
I willed myself to push the aching thoughts out of my head, trying to replay Candice’s great advice over and over in my mind.
I could hear her voice and I promised again, to her and myself, that I was going to embrace life and honor my loved ones’ lives that way. Both Randy and Candice would not want me to be sad that they were no longer with me, but to be glad I had them in my life.
I felt a new sense of strength, a small ember starting to glow in the pit of my stomach. It was a wonderful little spark of courage and I was planning on running with it. With a swift kiss to Walker’s cheek while he still slept curled up in my blankets, I was off to work.
The day passed by slowly. Finally, I looked at my phone, seeing I only had five more minutes of boredom and a missed text message from Walker. A smile formed on my lips as I read:
Butterflies flitted in my stomach, excited that Walker was being romantic. He was caring, but there was always something holding him back. In the last week, it seemed like he was coming out of his shell a little bit, and it was time for it to break wide open.
I flew out of my office and rushed home. I was so thankful the traffic on my hour drive home was lighter than usual. When I opened the front door, I was saddened to find the house was empty. Sullenly, I went into the kitchen to open up my wine fridge. I grabbed a bottle of pinot and went to the cupboard for a wine glass. In front of my stemware was a card with my name scrawled across the front in Walker’s impressively neat handwriting. I smiled and opened up the card to read:
I grinned and giggled to myself like a school girl. Glancing down at my phone, I realized I had just about an hour to get ready. I did as Walker instructed, pouring a glass full of my nectar, and headed up the stairs to get ready. I pulled my hair out of the low pony tail and turned my flat iron on. Redoing my eye makeup into a smoky eye and straightening my hair made me feel a little bit sexier than usual I grabbed my favorite pair of boot-cut, low-rise, dark wash jeans and a light pink tank top, and checked out myself in the mirror. I smiled at myself, satisfied with my efforts. As I was pulling on my boots, my phone vibrated on the bed next to me with a text message from Walker:
The butterflies returned as I headed down the stairs to find Walker standing in the front room waiting for me. He looked incredibly handsome. His military style haircut had just been trimmed up, but his slightly scruffy, three day old beard left a sexy shadow on his strong jaw line that drove me crazy. He was wearing a tight fitting black button down that clung to his large arms. His loose fitting jeans were pulled over his snakeskin boots. I couldn’t help but melt a little when I realized he was holding one single long stem red rose.
Walker’s warm green eyes met mine as we both smiled at each other. He reached out his freehand to take mine, his voice was soft and inviting. “You look perfect. I hope you’re ready.”
I walked to him, wrapping my arms around his waist, giving him a tight squeeze. “Thank you for this,” I whispered into his ear, and kissed his cheek, taking the rose and setting it on the front room table. He opened the door for me and we were off on our adventure.
The entire time we were driving Walker held my hand, running his thumb in circles in my palm. Riding with him, just talking about our days was incredible. His warm smile spread across his face every time I started to tell him even the simplest of stories. Walker really was a fantastic listener, always waiting for me to finish and chiming
