tissue box and offered me some water. When I accepted the offer, she left the room for a moment and I finally relaxed my shoulders when the door closed behind her. I was determined to answer her questions, break down or not, I knew I had to do this to get better. When she returned, she handed me a cold water bottle, settling back down in her seat. “How did you two meet?”
I looked up into her mousey face, her wrinkled nose, her blue eyes fixated on me, while I fumbled for words. I was completely taken aback. Since Randy had died, no one had asked me about the happy times, they just kept asking how I had been holding up. The muscles in my face relaxed into a softer expression finally, letting me start at the beginning with that fateful night we all met during fraternity rush.
I told her everything, all the way down to checking out Walker first and then being captivated with Randy from that day forward. I was brought back to reality by Dr. Davenport sneezing. “Oh, excuse me. I’m sorry.” She dabbed her button nose with her hankie and looked me right in the eyes. “What was your husband’s name?”
“Randall McManus.” The full name sounded odd to my ears.
She smiled warmly, unaware of my discomfort, “He sounds like a really fun guy. I see you’re still wearing your ring. Tell me about that a little, why are you still wearing it?”
I looked down at my hand, narrowed my brow, frowning, “I guess I had never thought about it before,” I lied, “Is it a bad thing?”
She grimaced at my expression, “No, not at all. It’s your comfort zone; I’m just trying to learn about you. What do you do for fun, Margret?”
I sighed with a little bit of relief for the change of conversation, I was in no way ready to take my wedding band off. “I guess I don’t really do anything except for work. I have three really close friends who try to distract me, a mother that tries but fails, and my in-laws live down the street.”
She furiously wrote on her jotter, barely looking up from her notes in her lap. “That must be nice to be so close to loved ones. That can really help in the grieving process. What did you and Randall do for fun?”
I smile and cooed. “Anything was fun with Randy by my side. We could laugh and carry on no matter what. Life was never boring, and we just clicked. He was my one, my sunshine, and now I’m in the dark, all alone.”
“What about that young gentleman with whom you were sitting in the lobby? He must be a good friend to be accompanying you here.”
I prayed she would not notice the fiery red color that scorched my cheeks, “That’s Walker, Randy’s best friend.” I paused, choosing my words carefully. I really did not want my therapist to get the wrong impression of me during our first session. “He’s made it kind of a mission since we lost Randy to take care of me. He’s a good friend.” The last words came out rigid and absolute.
Dr. Davenport’s eyebrow rose at my explanation but did not push the subject further. A kind smile spread across her lips, allowing me to relax a little again. “We’re just about out of time for today. Why don’t we see each other once a week. Tuesdays at six?”
I nodded, thanking her for her time and for listening to me. Before I could stand, she made stern eye contact with me, taking my shaking hands in hers. “Margret, I don’t want you to start to think you have to forget about your loved ones who are gone and get over them. Life is about remembering the good times and reminding yourself there is always still good in the world. Can you try to do that?”
I assured her I would do my best, and her eyes lit up as she patted me on the shoulder. I couldn’t help but think about how many of her patients might ignore her tips.
She held the door for me, and I shook her hand, saying goodbye one more time. Walker stood once he saw me emerge from the office, a grin from ear to ear plastered on his face, probably happy to see I wasn’t in a complete mess.
I hooked my arm around his, and beamed up into his wonderfully happy face. “Thanks for being so great to me all the time. It means a lot.”
Walker led me out of the double doors, and stopped a few steps away from his truck. “Mags, I don’t know how many more times I will have to say this, but here it goes. You’re amazing, you deserve the best, and I want nothing more than to be whatever you need me to be.”
I stared blankly at him for a second, a little confused with his choice of words, but ignoring their possible underlying meaning, I pulled him into a much-needed hug. We stood there for a few seconds, Walker pulling away first. “Come on, I need to get you home. You’ve had a long day.”
With that, he opened up the passenger’s side door for me, helping me inside his truck. We rode in silence back to my house. Once we were in the driveway, I pecked Walker on the cheek, thanked him again for the ride, and made my way inside, trying to sort through all of the craziness from my day.
6
The rest of my workweek crawled by at a snail’s pace, boring and mundane like usual. My anticipation for the beach outing with Cali continued to grow as the days passed. It had been so long since I acted like I used to, and I had completely neglected Cali for the most part. I knew she understood, but her friendship was an important part of my life and it was high time we started getting back into our goofy-girl-time routines again. I was so glad we made these plans, the thought of it all put me in a better mood all week.
Saturday morning, I was woken up by Cali jumping into my bed and giggling. “Wake up sleepy head; it is going to be a hot one!”
“Ugh, I should never have given you and Walker keys. You two always just barge in!” I groaned, pulling my pillow over my face, not wanting to be brought out of my peaceful dream of sunbathing with Randy.
Finally, after about a minute of Cali restlessly jumping up and down on my bed, I pried my eyes open, removed the pillow and couldn’t help but laugh at her goofiness. Stretching into a yawn, I grumbled, “Give me five minutes and I’ll be ready. Good thing I shaved my legs last night. What time is it?”
Cali hopped off my bed and started rummaging through the bathing suits in my drawer. “Seven-thirty. I figured we could grab some breakfast over in Cocoa, tan for a little while and then head over to a bar to do a little day drinking.” She spun around holding a swimsuit in her hands, smiling at it. “Here, this one is sexy!”
She threw the bathing suit at me while I was still cocooned in blankets; I smiled when I held it up and thought about how perfect a day she had planned. “Did I ever tell you how much I love you, and how great a best friend you are?” I warmly smiled at Cali as she checked her eyeliner in my mirror. In the reflection, she smiled back as I climbed out of my comfy, warm bed.
“I love that entire plan.” I giggled, slipping into my bathroom to put on the hot-pink, Brazilian-style bikini that probably had the least amount of fabric possible, and brush my teeth. Cali, like always, looked stunning in her little hot-pink shorts, white tank top and purple strapless bikini that was visible under the sheer fabric. She and I were just about the same height and size, but she always looked better than I did. I knew mostly it was from effort, so I didn’t mind when she dictated my clothing choices; usually she was right.
I came out modeling the suit for Cali, and she smiled, clapping. “Man, I have good taste,” she said, giving herself a little pat on the back. She grabbed her beach bag and started for the door. “Let’s go, I’m starving.”
I dove under my bed to find my blue beach bag, and then put my wallet and other essentials into it. I slipped on my white shorts and a cute flowing, almost see-through black top in a hurry. Before I could walk out of my room, Cali met me in the doorway, holding my big towels and full-sized white sheet out. “Your bag is bigger, you get the towels.” She grinned, grabbed my wrist, and led me down the stairs.
Riding in her little white Chevrolet Cobalt that smelled like a combination of island breeze and cupcakes brought me back to her driving me around freshman year. I had totaled my car driving home to see my mom on winter break. I beamed at how great a friend she had always been to me over the years. It seemed like my life was always in the gutter, and Cali was the one always helping me out.
Cali scrolled through the radio stations until she found the perfect one; hits from the eighties and nineties. We bobbed to old pop songs from back in our high school days. We talked about how 'Oops, I Did it Again” reminded me of the summer I had my first kiss with Dominic Preston, and how every time Cali heard 'Bye, Bye, Bye” she remembered playing it on a loop, crying in her mother’s room after her first really bad break up. I leaned back in my seat, staring out the window, remembering how just a few years ago my life was so simple. My heart
