Forgiving Lies

Wait. What? The sudden change in his mood made me almost feel dizzy. It was like I had my own personal Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde sitting next to me.

When I could finally get my mouth to stop opening and shutting like a fish, I shook my head and exhaled roughly. “Speaking of, I really need to get back to campus.” I stood to leave without giving him the chance to say no.

Without another word, Blake followed me out to the car. We didn’t say anything on the drive back but he put his hand on my thigh again. Was I imagining how tight he was holding it? When we arrived at the dorm, he parked in one of the spaces rather than letting me out in front. I grabbed the handle to open the door and he pushed down on my thigh, gripping it tighter. I turned to look at him and was surprised to see he still looked light and easygoing.

“I’ll get the door for you. Wait here for just a second.”

Crap, I hope he isn’t going to walk me to my room. I bet Candice still has Eric in there with the door locked. As soon as he released me, my thigh throbbed from the relief of the pressure he’d put on it and I almost wished I was wearing shorts so I could look at the damage I was making myself believe he’d done. The passenger door opened and I stepped out without looking up at him. We walked without saying anything and I made sure to put some distance between us. I was relieved when he began to slow down as we reached the main entrance of the dorm.

“Well, thanks for the coff—”

He caught me around the waist, pushed me up against the wall, and kissed me roughly, interrupting my good-bye. Before I had time to realize what was happening and push him away, his body left mine and he started backing up toward his car.

“I’ll see you later.” He winked, then turned away from me.

I have no idea what my face looked like; I couldn’t even pin down an emotion. I was disgusted, annoyed, confused, and pissed. It took a second before I was able to compose myself. I shook out my arms and walked up to my room.

I didn’t know if I was ready to tell Candice about this, or if I even wanted to. Knowing her, she’d somehow turn it around so that I had done something wrong or I didn’t know how to kiss. Needless to say, I was dreading facing her. Luck was on my side. Eric must still have been in there, because the door was locked, and on the mini whiteboard attached to our wall in Candice’s writing were the words “DON’T come in.” I texted Candice, asking her to put my laptop and books outside while I went to the bathroom so I wouldn’t be subjected to a flushed and rumpled Candice and Eric. After I picked those up, I went back to the common room and pulled out my phone to finally text Aaron back.

Sounds good. What time and where?

AARON:

7p @ Starbucks

Great. Like I wanted to go there again. I sighed, cracked open a book, and tried not to think about Blake.

WITH THE STUDYING I’d done before the group and the five hours with them, I felt fully prepared for this final and was glad it was on Monday. Once that was out of the way, I only had two days left of easy finals and this year would be over.

I was still wired from all the espresso I’d sucked down in the last few hours, and since it was a twenty- four-hour Starbucks, I decided to stay in the cafe and write in my journal. After my parents’ accident, Candice’s parents tried everything to get me to talk. I think they were afraid I would never come out of my depression. Her brother, Eli, had been the only one who had known how to handle me—so to speak. He’d been home from college for the summer when the accident happened, and unlike his first few years away, he came back every weekend to see me once school started up again. He would hold me while I stared off into space and never spoke a word. Eli’s form of healing was my favorite, since it was silent, but we all knew he couldn’t be there for me forever. One night when I got home from school there was a journal on my bed with a note from Candice’s dad, George. He suggested using the journal to write to my parents like they were still here. At first it freaked me out, but I told him I would try, and I’m glad I did. Even I could see the difference in myself. I wrote to them every day, even if it was just a few lines. But I viewed it as a way of continuing our family time. Every night after dinner while I was growing up, we’d pile on the couches, turn on the TV, and talk about our day while watching whatever shows were on that night. So that’s what I did. I just told them what was going on in my life like I would have if they were still there.

When I finished a couple hours later, I put everything in my purse and called out good-byes to the too- awake baristas. As soon as I pushed open the door and walked out into the muggy night air, my phone went off and the words on the screen caused me to stumble and a chill to shoot through my body.

BLAKE:

You look beautiful tonight.

Instead of bolting for my car like any sane person would have, I looked around until I found him. Well, running to my car wouldn’t have helped much; he was parked right next to it and leaning against the driver’s door of his shiny little Lexus.

How did he know I was here? If he didn’t know I was here, what is he doing here at two in the morning? Oh my word, he’s been following me! No, that’s ridiculous; come on, Rachel, get a grip. He is not following you. Frick, I really need to stop thinking the world and everyone in it revolves around me. He just happened to be here and saw your car. That’s all. Right? Right.

I took a few steps closer to the cars and took a deep breath as I dropped my phone back into my purse, trying to calm myself down. “Hi, Blake.”

“I was starting to think you would never leave. I’ve been out here for hours.”

Oh God, he has been waiting for me! Those words were creepy enough, but paired with the sexy, innocent smile they seemed even worse. I meant for my voice to sound strong and annoyed but it was barely a whisper. “Why are you following me?”

“Following you? I’m not following you. Candice told me you were waiting for me to pick you up from the study group. Jesus, Rachel, you look like you’ve just seen a ghost; are you all right?”

“Candice said what? No, I was definitely not waiting for you; I drove myself here. That should be obvious, since you’re parked next to my Jeep.” I didn’t know what was going on, but I wanted to get out of there and away from him. Now.

“Yeah, but your car isn’t starting. Which is why I’m here.” He said every word slowly, like I was a child or something. “Don’t you remember, Rachel? You called her almost three hours ago, but she was busy, so you told her to call me. Are you feeling okay? Come on, get in the car. I’ll get you back to your room.”

“I am not getting in your car, I’ll drive myself back!” With that I took the last few steps to my car, got in, locked the door, and put the key in the ignition. I turned it but nothing happened. There wasn’t even a click. What had happened to my car? I knew I hadn’t called Candice. And even then, if I’d wanted Blake to pick me up I would have called him myself. Someone tapped on the window and even though I knew who it was, I still jumped.

“Come on, Rach, this is dumb. Just get in the car and I’ll take you back. I’ll get your car towed in a couple hours.”

There was no point in trying to call someone else. It was two in the morning, everyone was asleep, and I definitely couldn’t walk back at this hour. I grimaced and opened the door.

“That’s my girl. Come on, let’s go.” He helped me into his car, then got in beside me. This time he didn’t put his hand on my thigh.

The short drive to the dorm seemed to take forever, and besides his asking me a few times if I was feeling all right, there was no conversation. Blake seemed genuinely concerned about me. Had I called Candice? Did I just forget about everything while I was writing to my parents? Is that why I went in to write to them in the first place? Maybe all the studying mixed with my caffeine high, which was turning into a major crash, had my mind all jumbled. I must have just forgotten. It would have been easy to grab my phone and check the recent call history, but something inside me tightened and I knew it would be the wrong thing to do. We finally reached the dorm, and just like that morning, Blake parked in the lot. Aces.

“Are you sure you’re feeling okay?” he asked for the fifth time since we’d gotten in the car. “You freaked