“The lunatics have taken over the asylum,” Hawes said.
“I don’t like complicated cases,” Parker said.
“Neither do I,” Byrnes said.
“Well, that’s truly unfortunate,” Carella said, “but I didn’t ask tocatch this one, either.”
“What the hell’s wrong withyou this morning?” Parker asked.
“I’m trying to make some sense of this goddamn case, that’s all, and you guys are …”
“Relax, okay? Have a bagel.”
“There’s dope involved here,” Carella said, gathering steam, “and counterfeit money, and the Secret Service, and Christ knows what …”
“So let our new President handle it,” Parker said.
“Sure.”
“Our beloved flounder,” Willis said.
“Lethimask the Secret Service what’s going on here,” Brown said.
“Sure.”
“Next motorcade he’s in,” Hawes said, “he can wave out of his limo and ask them what they know about a lady got eaten by lions.”
“Go on, Steve, have a bagel,” Parker said.
“I don’t want a bagel,” Carella said.
“You know who woulda made a better President than the one we got now?” Hawes said.
“Who?” Kling asked.
“Martin Sheen.”
“The guy onThe West Wing, you’re right!”
“He’d call the Secret Service on the carpet, tell them to quit handing out good money for bad.”
“No, you know who’d do that? If he was President?” Willis said.
“Who?” Kling asked.
“Harrison Ford.”
“Air Force One!”
“President James Marshall!”
“Oh, yeah!” Brown said. “He was maybe thebest President we ever had. Remember what he said? ‘Peace ain’t merely the absence of conflict, but the presence of justice.’ Man, that’s fancy talking.”
“Remember what thebad guy said?” Willis asked.
“Who cares what bad guys say?” Parker said, and took another bagel from the tray.
“He said, ‘You murdered a hundred thousand Iraqis to save a nickel a gallon on gas. Don’t lecture me on the rules of war.’That’s fancy talking, man.”
“That was Bush he was talking about,” Kling said.
“No, that was President James Marshall,” Willis said.
“Yeah, but that wasBush who started the Gulf War.”
“You want to know who was an evenbetter President than Harrison Ford?” Hawes said.
“Who?”
“Michael Douglas.”
“Oh,yeah.”
“He was maybe the best President we ever had. You see that movie, Steve?”
“No,” Carella said curtly.
“Have a bagel, sourpuss,” Parker said.
“The American President.That was the movie. Michael Douglas was President Andrew Shepherd.”
“You remember who his aide was?” Kling asked.
“No, who?”
“Martin Sheen! Who is nowPresident!”
“President Josiah Bartlet!”
“PresidentJedBartlet.”
“What goes around, comes around.”
