come on, Sarah, I can buy clothes off the rack at any store in town! Large men’s shops are for men who areobese.’ So she looks me dead in the eye and says, ‘Well?’ ”
“Sarah said that, huh?”
“Sarah.”
“Said you were fat, in effect.”
“Obese.”
“In effect.”
“Do you think I’m obese?”
“No. Ollie Weeks is obese,” Carella said, and popped a fry into his mouth. “You’re what I’d call chubby.”
“Chubby! That’sworse than obese!”
“Well … plump maybe.”
“Keep going. How’s your damn hamburger?”
“Terrific.”
“The fries?”
“Splendid.”
“You forgot stout.”
“Stout’s a good one, too.”
“You ever have a weight problem?”
“Never. I’ve always been svelte.”
“I’ve always been borderline.”
“Borderline what?”
“Obese!” Meyer said, and both men burst out laughing.
The laughter trailed.
“I’ve got other problems, though,” Carella said.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
Meyer looked at him. Carella’s face, his eyes were suddenly very serious.
“Tell me,” Meyer said.
“You think I’ve changed?” Carella asked.
“How do you mean?”
“I don’t know. Am I different?”
“You seem the same to me.”
“Teddy says I’ve changed since my father got killed. She says I never cried for him. She says I never cried for Danny, either, Danny Gimp. I don’t even remember if I did. She says I’ve been drinking too much, she says …”
“Ah, shit, Steve, you haven’t, have you?”
“No. I don’t think so. I hope not. It’s just …”
“What?”
“Ah, Jesus.”
“What, Steve? Tell me.”
“I think I’m scared.”
“Come on. You’re not scared.”
“I think I am. Teddy’s afraid I might eat my own gun one day. I’ll tell you the truth …”
“Don’t even say it.”
Both men fell silent.
Carella was looking down at his hands.
“I think I’m scared,” he said again. “Really, Meyer.”
“Come on, scared. Of what?”
“Dying,” Carella said. “I’m afraid I’ll get killed.”
“We’re all afraid we’ll get killed.”
“I came so close, Meyer.”
