The Frumious Bandersnatch

The anchorman took a breath.

“In Israel this morning, another suicide bomber…”

Avery got up to turn off the television set. He pulled off his mask in the next instant. Kellie and Cal, taking this as their cue, removed their masks as well. They all looked very serious all at once.

“She’s a fuckin star,” Cal said.

“I told her ten million,” Kellie said.

“What?” Cal asked, looking at her as if he wished she would speak English every now and then.

“I told her it would sell ten million copies,” Kellie explained. “Her album.”

“Well, it only sold 750,000,” Cal said, still looking angry.

“Only enough for number one,” Avery said.

“She told me we should’ve asked for a million bucks,” Kellie said.

The men looked at her.

“But that was when I said she’d sell ten million.”

The men were still looking at her.

WHEN THE TELEPHONEin Barney Loomis’ office rang at six-fifteen that night, Special Agent Jones was down the hall taking a pee. Endicott put on his ear phones, said to Carella, “Wanna give a listen?” and waited while Carella put on the phones Jones had left behind. Endicott nodded to Loomis. Loomis picked up.

“Hello?” he said.

“Mr. Loomis?”

“Yes?”

“Mr. Loomis,” Avery said, “we’ve counted all the money…”

“Yes, when can we pick up…”

“…and aside from the question of whether they’re marked or not…”

“They’re not marked. I promise you they’re…”

“…there’s the minor matter of the count being short.”

“First tower on it.”

“Short?”

“Yes, Mr. Loomis.”

“You said…”

“I said a million dollars, Mr. Loomis. You’re short by…”

“No, you said…”

“…seven hundred and fifty large. Now I don’t know what you’re…”

“Just a minute, you never said…”

“…trying to pull here, but I thought the girl’s safety was paramount.”

“Second tower’s got him.”

“You never said a million dollars!” Loomis yelled into the phone. “You told me two-fifty, and that’s what I…”

“WhateverI told you, it’s a million now!” Avery said, yelling himself now. “Get the rest of it by three tomorrow afternoon. I’ll call again then. Have a nice night,” he said, and hung up.

“Listen…” Loomis started, but he was gone.

He looked blankly at the phone receiver, put it back on its cradle, looked at the detectives and the FBI agents and said almost plaintively, “We had a deal. We agreed it would be two-fifty. He knew that. This isn’t fair.”

“Should’ve let us do it our way,” Corcoran said.

“Here’s the printout,” Feingold said.

“Another stolen phone, I’ll bet,” Endicott said.

Feingold read off the name and address. The VoiceStream subscriber was right here in the heart of the city.

“Roll on it,” Corcoran ordered. “Just two of you. Waste of time, anyway.”

Jones came back into the room.

He saw their faces.

“What?” he asked.

“You’re heading out again,” Corcoran said. “Zip up your fly.”

“Lieutenant,” Carella said, “can I have a word with you?”

“Why, certainly, Steve. What is it?”

Big grin on his face. Cut off a man’s legs and then smile right into his face.

Carella took him aside.

“If nobody minds, I think I’ll just mosey on home,” he said, sounding like John Wayne, and feeling like Roberto Benigni.

“Why’s that?” Corcoran asked.

Carella looked him dead in the eye.

“I have nothing to do here,” he said.

“Your help was requested, Steve.”

“You should have refused it.”

“We’re always open to suggestion.”

“Bullshit,” he said. “Lieutenant,” he added.

“I beg your…”

“So long, Corky. Have fun.”

“Just a second here.”

Carella did not give him even a millisecond. He turned his back and headed for the door. Loomis caught up with him in the corridor outside.

“I’m sorry as hell about this,” he said.

“I had no right being here in the first place,” Carella said.

“I asked for you.”

“You shouldn’t have.”

“They’re just smelling blood,” Loomis said. “They still haven’t caught whoever sent those anthrax letters, probably never will. They keep sending out alerts to protect their own asses should someone blow up the nearest nuclear plant or television station. So now they think they’re going to make headlines when they catch these sons of bitches who’ve got Tamar, even though they can’t even trace a fucking phone call. What they don’t understand is that I don’tcare if we catch these people. All I want is Tamar back.”

“Well, I can’t help you accomplish that, Mr. Loomis. They won’t even give me a shot at that. Look, you’re in good hands here. I wouldn’t worry too much if I were you.”

“What is this, some sort of club here? They kick you in the teeth, and you’re still defending them?”

“They know what they’re doing.”

“So do you.”

“I told you. The last kidnapping case I investigated…”

“Did you get the victim back?”

“Yes, but…”

“That’s all I want here.” He put his hand on Carella’s shoulder. “Stay,” he said. “Please stay, Steve.”

“No, I can’t do that. Too many other crimes out there screaming for my specific talents.”

“Sarcasm doesn’t become you.”

“Neither does humiliation,” Carella said. “Good luck, Mr. Loomis. I hope this works out for you.”

“Thank you.”

There was nothing left to say. Loomis extended his hand. Carella shook it briefly, and then walked toward the elevators.

He felt oddly elated.

THIS TIMEhe came into the room alone.

He was wearing the Arafat mask again.