Her attempt at heroism had almost gotten her killed, too.
I had a scarf, but even if I had been strong enough to hold on to the archway with one hand and pull her up with the other, it wasn’t long enough.
There was no asking Cris for help. The shrieking and wind grew worse, and Cris cried out in pain. I had no idea what Janan could do when they were mostly without substance, but the wailing sounded like stars dying.
I pulled myself far enough to the arch and braced my elbow inside it, then lifted my leg as high as I could. My heel caught the edge. Terrified every motion would make me slip, I tied one end of the scarf around my ankle, making sure the knot was secure.
Leg down again, the scarf whipped in the wind, close to Stef but not close enough. I couldn’t see her face in the searing light, but her arms didn’t move from around the table leg.
Chest muscles aching with the strain of holding on, I switched to my hands again, so now instead of my upper body at the archway, only my head peeked in.
Stef—I hoped Stef—tugged on the scarf, but the weight wasn’t enough to make me believe she’d taken a good hold. It wasn’t constant pulling.
Sam would never forgive me if I got this far and didn’t save her. I took three breaths as deep as I could, wind stinging my throat and eyes, and lowered myself farther so my arms stretched before me. Only my fingers stayed in the archway as the sucking wind grew stronger.
Red flashed like bloody lightning, and the cacophony grew worse. But then there was steady tugging on the scarf as Stef grabbed hold and began climbing.
“Please let the knot hold,” I whispered.
The scarf yanked on my foot, and Stef was more weight for me to keep up. My hands were numb as I struggled to hold on, struggled to keep my foot flexed so the scarf wouldn’t slip off. My muscles shook.
A hand closed around my ankle, and another on my calf. My own scream was lost in the din as I begged my arms to pull us up again. If I could just get my elbows over the edge, I would be able to fall through the hole.
Stef used me like a rope, climbing as I worked to bend my arms. The wind pulled and pushed, and lights flared. I focused on breathing, focused on the archway stretched above me. Freedom. If only Stef’s arms weren’t wrapped around my waist.
She must have been pushing with her feet, because a nudge gave me the weightlessness and strength to move my left shoulder over the lip and hang on with my elbow. Now I pushed instead of pulled, but fire still ripped through my arms and chest as I gained enough strength to move my upper half over the archway.
Stef reached for the edge with one arm. Her other around me slipped.
“Just a little farther,” I urged. The wind stole my voice.
Chasms of concentration lined her face. She clenched her jaw tighter, reached again, and caught hold enough to pull herself up next to me.
The archway had been gray when Cris opened it, but now it was midnight dark. Relief for my eyes, but I was pretty sure that meant Cris wasn’t in control anymore, and no matter how much I shouted his name, the archway didn’t change.
Stef leaned toward me, shouted by my ear. “Why aren’t we leaving?”
My tortured voice wasn’t even as loud as hers, but I tried. “Gray means outside. Black or white means inside.”
She looked ready to cry, but nodded and hauled herself higher on the archway. One foot on the left edge, one on the right. She positioned herself over it like a spider waiting to pounce.
I understood. The second the portal turned to gray, we were going through. I hastened to follow her example, screaming to Cris as loud as I could that we were ready.
But when it did flicker and the black became smooth gray, I wasn’t prepared. My foot had slipped and I was trying to push myself up with just one leg. All my muscles felt shredded, though, too worn to move.
Stef grabbed my wrist and dragged me through the gray archway just as it began to change.
Silence.
Real silence, not the temple unsilence where not even my ears would ring.
And air, windy and cold, but it didn’t try to pull me places. It was thick enough to breathe.
Frigid skin pressed against mine, and I opened my eyes to see Sine above me. Her mouth moved as though she spoke, but I couldn’t hear, so I just blinked and breathed and waited for my muscles to melt.
For now, at least, they were too cold to hurt. I reveled in the ability to lie flat on my back and not be
“Ana.” Sine sounded far away. “You have to get up.”
I turned my head to find Stef staring up at Councilor Frase. She looked the way I felt. Dull. Not really here.
The market field cobblestones had never been so beautiful.
“Ana!” Sine’s shout brought me back to myself. “Get up before I find someone to carry you.”
That didn’t sound like a bad idea at the moment, but as I regained control over my body, I remembered market day, Deborl’s speech, Meuric dying in front of everyone, and the resulting mob.
I sat up so quickly Sine almost didn’t dodge fast enough. “Where is Sam?” I tried to make my eyes focus on her again, but I’d moved too fast, and dizziness swarmed inside my head.
“Hospital.” She stood and offered a hand. I climbed up by myself when I saw Stef finding her way to a more vertical position, too. “With everything that happened the other day, he received a few serious injuries, but he’ll live. He just woke up an hour ago.”
I wanted to feel numb, not vainly try to patch the cracked dam of emotions. Sam. Cris. Janan. Soon I was going to break.
Just not in front of anyone. Please.
“What day is it?”
“You’ve been missing for two days.”
It felt like a month. Maybe Cris had managed one last favor, letting us out as close to the time we went in as possible.
The dam inside me strained. I should have stopped Cris. I’d as good as killed him.
“Where’s Deborl? I’m going to electrocute him and then set him on fire—” Stef gasped as she leaned on Frase’s shoulder, hiding her face.
“Deborl and his friends are in prison.”
“Prison?” I could hardly imagine good news anymore. “What about Wend? He was there, too.”
Though Deborl had shot him….
Sine combed her fingers through my tangles. “Wend is dead.” Lines creased her face as she frowned, and a tear dropped from crevice to crevice. “None of them will trouble newsouls again, though it’s only fair to tell you that they were not ignored.”
“I need Sam.” I needed to tell him everything that had happened.
“Of course. Corin, please fetch Dossam.” She signaled to someone behind me—Corin, presumablyand footsteps retreated. “Where is Cris? They said he was with you.”
I gazed at the temple, cold and white and not quite as evil if Cris was still in there. Sam had said Cris had never done anything terrible to anyone. Even after learning they’d all sacrificed newsouls for reincarnation, I still believed that. He’d sacrificed himself for us now.
But I couldn’t answer Sine’s question.
I was going to break.
I wasn’t sure how long I stood there, holding myself together with nothing but threads, but eventually a familiar shadow fell next to mine.
My muscles felt like liquid as I lifted my hand just enough that Sam’s closed around it, and then his arm closed around the rest of me.
The dam broke and everything spilled out. Sam hugged me so tightly I couldn’t breathe, or maybe the sobs choked me. He touched my hair and face, kissed me. His affection was featherlight, as though he was afraid of crushing me.
I cried into his shirt even though there were other people here. Stef, Sine, Frase. People I didn’t know.
I wanted to hide, but I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to walk. Even now, Sam mostly held me up.
