Wanting You

meant that I wasn’t going to jail. I should be there—forever—for what I did. It’d be better than going through the hell of my everyday life now.

It was almost two months since it happened. My mom refused to talk to me—what mom would do that? My dad only talked to me when he had to, but I’d take what I could get. My friends were still around, but no one said a word to me about it.

Except for Vann.

“I should have been watching more closely. If I would have, I could have stopped it.”

“No, you couldn’t have,” Vann argued.

“I could have at least tried,” I whispered.

“Jaxson wouldn’t want you doing this to yourself.” Vann’s voice was shaky. She was always nervous when she said his name, like she was afraid I might blow up at her, which unfortunately I had done several times.

“He’s not here to worry about it,” I clipped.

“I know. But he loved you.”

“That’s why I should have saved him, or it should have been me.” I’d never forget him yelling my name as the current took him under. I swam as fast as I could, but the undercurrent swept him away. I couldn’t find him, anywhere. I swam until my arms and legs wouldn’t work another second. The rescue squad found him four miles downstream.

I knew we shouldn’t have been hanging out in the creek. It had rained the day before and the water was moving fast, but we were stupid. And it cost Jaxson his life.

I looked up at the sound of a car horn as Z pulled into the drive. I needed to get my shit together.

“What’s up?” Z asked, breaking the silence in the truck.

“Nothing. Take me home,” I said, rolling the window down. I needed air.

“Grump. What crawled up your ass?” Z snarled.

“Mindy probably.”

“I didn’t even see you leave with her.”

I shrugged. “I don’t remember anything.”

“You remember kissing Vann?” Z asked, glancing over at me.

I met his eyes. “You think I’d fucking forget that?”

“So you gonna spill it?” Z was fishing. He knew only what I told him about Vann, since he didn’t move here ‘til senior year, and I wanted to keep it that way.

“Shut the fuck up and mind your damn business,” I growled, not wanting to talk about it.

“Damn, who pissed in your cheerios?” I glowered at him. Sometimes Z didn’t know when the hell to shut up. “All I can say is Vann is fucking hot, and if you don’t go for it, I am.”

“Are you out of your fucking mind?” I snarled. What the fuck was he thinking?

“No, but you are if you don’t hit that shit. She’s unbelievable,” Z mused as he drove.

“Stay the fuck away from her. Hear me!” I barked at him.

“Whoa, bud. Don’t pop a fucking vein there. Is she your girl?”

Is she my girl? She was supposed to be, but she fucking left me with nothing. But I’d be damned if I sat around and watched this asshole, best friend or not, make a move on her. Instead of answering, I stared out the window. Fuck him.

“It’s cool.” Z must have realized I wasn’t going to answer him.

Grunting my response, I just wanted to get the hell out of the fucking car. I needed to get to the gym and beat the hell out of something.

Vann

After some much needed time out with Sawyer and Kinsley, I was now sporting hot pink toes, which were quite sexy if I said so myself. I told the girls I needed some time to write, but every time my fingers started on the keyboard, frustration took over.

I knew I wasn’t going to let Deke Sullivan have any more control over me. I’d let him have too much for more than five years. All I’d wanted was him. Every man I’d been with, thoughts of Deke came to me. I know that was shitty to admit, but it was true. Now that I knew it wasn’t going to happen, I needed to let go. Trying to forget I lay my fingers on the keyboard, closed my eyes, and allowed them to type. I was immediately immersed in my fictional world, where the sex I wrote was hotter than what I was living …

“Damn!” Kinsley’s voice made me jump.

“What the hell?” I asked, grabbing my heart.

“That was hot. Keep going.”

I rolled my eyes. “Kins, when I’m writing you can’t do that shit. I lose my thoughts and have a hell of a time remembering them.”

“Look if you want to read something, head up to the loft and grab a book. All mine are there, actually several copies of each.” I waved my arm toward my room.

“Awesome! My vibrator will get some use.” She smiled.

“If you’re gonna use your vibrator while reading it, keep the book please.”

“Only if you sign it … Gabriella.” She laughed.

“Ha. Ha. I don’t do signings, remember? The whole anonymity thing …”

“Because of creepy?” Kinsley’s nose wrinkled in disgust.

“Yeah. And others like him. There are some weird ones out there. I should show you some of the messages and pictures I get. You wouldn’t believe it.”

“Oh, I so want to see. Are we talking nakedness?” Kinsley’s interest perked up.

“Oh yeah. Nakedness of men old enough to be my father, with hairyass beer bellies, stroking their cocks.” I said nonchalantly as if none of it bothered me, but truth being told, it pretty much grossed me out.

“WHAT?” Kinsley’s eyebrows shot together in apparent shock.

“Yeah. That’s a sample. How about the variety set of dildos I got in my PO Box? They were all different sizes cause some guy ‘didn’t know what I’d need’.” I used my hands to demonstrate the different lengths he sent me. I didn’t dare tell her that one was written on in permanent marker… ‘this one is mine.’

“Eww… I mean getting dildos from some weirdo is strange, but do you still have them. I could use a new one.”

“Kinsley, gross!” I play slapped her arm trying to hold back a giggle.

“I’m just saying.” Kinsley shrugged her shoulders as if it was no big deal.

“Kinsley, I don’t keep any of that shit. I used to throw it all away, but now I have to catalog it and turn it over to the cops.”

“Holy shit. You had to give a box of dildos to a cop?” Her question coming out more like a screech.

I laughed. “Yep and it was fucking hilarious. The detective on the case set his tagger over. The guy was young, must have just joined the force and had no clue what he was getting. The look on his face when he opened that box was priceless. I wish to God I would have camera to capture his face. He’s actually in my book ‘Cuff ‘em.’ But in that book he ends up fucking the woman with them.”

Kinsley joined in my laughter. “Well it sure as hell isn’t gonna be boring around here with your wicked mind.”

“Hey, don’t knock it. Writing has been really good to me. I love my fans. There are only a few that freak me out, but I don’t let those ruin it for the others.” I said flippedly.

“If you don’t do book signings, how do people know anything about you?”

I shrugged. “Internet and social media. I’m an indie author, so I rely heavily on bloggers and word of mouth for my work. I have a pretty good following and made some good friends so that all works in my favor.”

“So Gabriella Daniels. I get the Daniels, that’s your Grams’s last name. Where did you come up with Gabriella? You’ve never said.”

I smirked. “Babynames.com.” Kinsley started laughing. “No really, I did. I had no clue what my pen name