“I would have believed my alpha had he claimed such a thing, I think.” Audrey’s brow furrowed. “I’ve never had an alpha, but I feel the instincts to submit that I do not feel so strongly in my human nature.”
“Men believe all women have that instinct.”
“Only foolish men believe such a thing.”
“’Tis a teaching of the Church.”
“Do not tell Father John, but I do not believe the Church always has the right of it.”
Shona giggled, some of her despair lifting. “I do not believe that is a concern you need have. Father John is very unlikely to travel to the wild north of Scotland.”
Besides being in his dotage, the jovial man of the cloth with a surprising tendency toward kindness was as round as a boulder and twice as heavy.
“You know, he used to let Thomas and I share in the Sacrament of Communion. Privately, of course.”
“I never understood why you did not partake during Mass.” But Shona found many ways of the English mysterious.
“We were born
Shona shook her head, not even commenting on her deceased husband’s stupidity. Audrey knew by now that Shona had disagreed with the man on so many things that it was impossible to innumerate them all.
“Are we
Shona could only answer one way. And despite her own pain at Audrey and Thomas’s deceptions, she realized there was only one way she would
“Thank you.” Audrey squeezed her hand so tight Shona gasped, but she did not pull away.
“Family can hurt each other and still be family.”
“Like your parents?”
“Yes. They did not disown me even though I hurt them gravely with my shameful behavior.”
Audrey made a sound of dissent. “I wasn’t talking about them still claiming you; I meant you continuing to claim them.”
“But of course I would. They were my parents.”
“They hurt you so much more than you hurt them.”
“I am sure they did not see it that way.”
“Then they would have been blind.”
“Nay. I think they saw the real me and were disappointed. They tried to raise me better.” Her mother had said so often enough.
And while Shona had been married to the baron, she’d thought maybe her mother had been wrong. That her behavior as a young woman had been an aberration.
She’d certainly never felt the drive to copulate with the baron that she had to receive Caelis into her body. But that in itself had led to its own guilt.
She’d been duty-bound to share her husband’s bed but had hated every single moment of it.
“What do you mean?” Audrey asked. “You are a woman worth admiration from any direction.”
Shona laughed, the sound as harsh as the pain in her heart.
“I allowed Caelis into my body when we were not even betrothed, and then last night…” She couldn’t go on, her own disappointment in herself too great.
“He is your true mate.”
“In the Chrechte way of things, that may count for much. But I am human.”
“Yes, but, well…” Audrey gave Shona a questioning glance. “You felt compelled?”
“I did, but Audrey, I do not know if that was Caelis’s wolf as I claimed to him, or if simply emotions I thought I’d been long quit of.”
“Does it matter?”
“Only to me.”
“I mean…you will marry him now, won’t you?”
“I do not know.”
“You have no choice…do you?” Audrey looked at Shona and then away, blushing. “I mean, you could be with child again.”
“If Chrechte are as rare as Caelis has said they are, making a child cannot be that easy, even for mates.” Eadan was truly a miracle.
“Oh, I am sure you are right, but still…”
“We did not do
But unlike six years ago, at least she had another woman to talk to about it. Shona would never have confided in her mother.
“He is showing his respect for you?” Audrey said doubtfully.
“I am not so sure it was out of respect for me so much as his attempt to draw forth my agreement to marriage.”
“How would withholding himself from you do that?” Audrey asked with all the innocence of a woman who had never been kissed.
Shona felt the heat crawling up her face. “I do not know what your mother told you about the act, but there is great pleasure to be found in it for a woman.”
Too much pleasure for Shona, according to her mother.
“Truly?”
“Aye.”
“Mother…she only spoke of it in terms of her wolf, how her beast could not live without its mate, no matter the cost to her pride.”
“Oh. That sounds horrible.”
Audrey shrugged. “She did not seem overly unhappy to me, though I was but a fledgling woman when she died trying to give birth to another child by my father.”
“Considering the life she must have had among her own people, leaving them for her mate may not have been the tragedy she implied it was.”
“But she hated living without a pack. She told me so many times, saying she was sorry that I had no choice but to follow in her footsteps.”
“I am sure there are benefits. I missed my clan when I left Scotland as well. There is safety in living among those who are family even when they are not related, but there are curses as well. Among the MacLeod, those were far worse than the blessings for a mere human like me.”
At the time, she’d believed it was simply that she was not part of Uven’s inner circle. Well, she hadn’t been, but not because of any reasons she might have surmised.
“What do you think our future will hold?” Audrey asked with a look of longing at the door.
“I do not know, but whatever the future will hold, we will face it as family.”
Audrey squeezed her hand. “Family.”
Caelis swiveled in time to deflect the blow, directing the other man’s sword into a downward arc with his own. “She has always been stubborn, but there is a hardness to her now.”
“Among the Ean, a woman has never had the luxury of remaining too soft, no matter how tender her nature upon birth.”
Caelis could not argue with that. Life in the forest, hiding from the Faol intent on destroying their kind had honed the Ean into a people of impressive strength and fortitude.
“It would be easier to plan for the future if she had the same forgiving nature she had before leaving the Highlands.”
“Life changes us. You for the better,” Vegar said without apology and a strong thrust with his sword.
Caelis fell back from the powerful movement. “Not soon enough.”
