rejoicing.
“I am not a civilized man.”
He would get no argument from her in that regard. There had been a time that the wild side to his nature appealed to her very much. No longer. “Still, I cannot fathom why you should think my present circumstances
She’d thrown off one yoke only to find herself at the risk of falling prey to another, far more onerous one.
Caelis shrugged. “It is good I do not have to kill him.”
Shona gasped, unable to fathom him expressing such a sentiment. “You cannot say such things in front of my children.”
Regret flared in Caelis’s eyes, but his jaw set in stubborn lines she remembered too well for her own comfort. “Please pardon me for speaking so in front of you, princess.”
Marjory giggled.
“What about me?” Eadan demanded.
“You are a big boy, five summers are you not?” Caelis asked.
Eadan nodded without his usual questions of how the man could know this.
“Warrior talk will not upset you,” Caelis said with certainty.
Eadan puffed up at the implied praise and nodded solemnly. “Sometimes a man must do what needs doing.”
Caelis flicked a glance at her. “That is a clan warrior’s saying.”
“My grandfather told me.”
“Where is your grandfather now?”
Eadan’s eyes filled with grief. “The horse kicked him and he died.”
“What horse?”
“Mine.”
“It was not your horse, sweeting. It was only the horse an idiot man put you on.” Shona hated the guilt her son struggled with over his adored grandfather’s demise. She told Caelis, “Eadan’s older brother put him on an untried horse. Percival claimed he did not realize the horse was so temperamental. My father died saving my son.”
“Not a brother.” Caelis’s tone brooked no argument.
Shona was saved from a reply by her son’s. “No, Lord Percival is a bad man. I do not want him for a brother. Mummy said I did not have to claim him if I do not want to now that we are in Scotland.”
“Good.”
Eadan nodded. “Aye.”
Oh, good Lord above, give her strength. She was not going to survive this meeting with her heart or her sanity intact.
The boy and man were so alike.
“Shona…” Audrey’s prompt reminded Shona that she still had yet to get off her horse.
She looked down at Marjory. The child seemed less reticent about her surroundings. “Will you let Audrey take you, now?” she asked.
Marjory’s thumb popped into her mouth and she shook her head.
Caelis looked them over and then looked down at her son. “Your sister does not want to come down.”
“She’s shy of strangers.”
“I see.”
“If I were bigger, she’d come to me.”
Caelis nodded with serious mien. “Perhaps if I lift you to her?”
Eadan considered this before nodding. “She’ll come to me,” he said with certainty.
Caelis picked the boy up, deep emotion covering his features as his son put his arm around the big warrior’s neck for stability. Shona wanted to shout at him, to tell him that he, too, was a very stupid man.
If he felt the connection so deeply, than why deny even the possibility of a child? Why tell her that they could not marry?
Caelis leaned down and inhaled a long breath against Eadan’s neck, his big body going rigid for several seconds in response to her son’s scent. He used to do that to Shona, and the memories evoked by seeing him do it to her son were no longer welcome ones.
“Caelis,” she said sharply.
He lifted his gaze, the gentian eyes filled with such deep grief even she could not deny this moment was truly profound for him. “Aye?” His voice came out strained, as if even that single word came at only great effort.
She shook her head, her own throat too tight to speak.
“We’re getting Marjory,” Eadan reminded the big man, clearly at ease in his father’s arms.
Caelis nodded, the movement jerky. “Aye, that we are.” He approached the mare, his hold on Eadan secure.
Shona’s son put his arms out to his little sister. He didn’t say anything, just looked at Marjory expectantly.
And her tiny arms stretched out to him. She did not seem to notice the huge warrior supporting them both as she was taken off the horse. Caelis set the children down together beside Niall and Guaire, rather than Audrey or Thomas.
Shona found that telling. He trusted the Scottish warrior, even of a different clan, over the English he did not know. Which meant that he had some measure of trust for Niall, a Sinclair. Which was odd, but not as strange as the fact that Caelis was here on Sinclair lands at all.
His travels were the least of Shona’s concerns at the moment. What did matter was that Caelis cared if her children were protected.
That was more concern than he had shown for her six years ago.
Guaire dropped to his haunches so he was eye level with Eadan and started talking gently to the children.
Shona sighed, letting her rigid muscles relax. Pain shot through her lower back, up her spine and into her shoulders. She could not stifle her groan of agony, though she tried.
Getting off the mare was going to be more than tricky; it was going to be impossible. She might as well just tip sideways and fall into the dust like Caelis.
Before she had a chance to work up any worry over it, big hands closed around her waist and she was lifted to the ground.
Caelis did not release her, however, once her feet were on the dirt. He held her, his face a study of emotions she no longer knew how to name with this man.
“You must release me.”
“Nay.”
“It is unseemly.” Not to mention entirely dangerous to her hard fought composure.
The emotional calm she wore like a facade to protect those depending on her was already beginning to crack at the edges under the strain the past months had put on it.
Caelis made a sound of disgust. “You are not an Englishwoman to worry about such, no matter what garb you wear.”
“Had I worried about the like as a younger woman, many of my hardest choices would not have been forced on me.” She pressed against his chest to push him away, knowing the additional touch was risky.
And indeed, her hands wanted to stay pressed against hot skin over strong muscle and a plaid worn to softness. She could not give in to such weakness and forced her hands to drop to her sides again when her attempt had no effect on the big man.
Instead, Caelis reacted to her attempt to free herself by pulling her closer. “I can explain.”
“Explain?” At first she could not comprehend what he could be talking about.
And then it came to her. He thought he could
